Cops
The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay, okay, I’m a rabbit, I’m a rabbit.”
Did I tell you I hate cats? Well apparently I’m not the only one…
Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Johnny’s hand shoots up. “That’s not correct, Miss McGilacutty!” he says.
“Please explain, Johnny,” replies the teacher.
“Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the front porch. The neighbors’ Great Dane came running around the corner, and my cat went “ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!”, and before he could say “FUCK OFF!”, the big dog ate him!”