We called them the Angels of Mercy when they dispensed pain medication. When they forced us to do things that we didn’t want to do, which was often, they were the Disruptors.
They hunted in packs of two or three at shift change, and that was the time they would squeal on us to the new shift for any infractions that we may have committed during the day. I made a list of “types” and my fellow inmates and I spent a little time in the lounge fine tuning our classifications. What made it interesting is that most of the nurses fell into more than two types. We eventually abondoned our list when it became bogged down with “sub-catagories” and “sub-sub-categories.” I kept those scribbles though, and cleaned them up a bit:
The Mysterian Sisters - There were two of them and although very capable, they annoyed the hell out of us. They made every statement sound like a question. We took to talking the same way to them, but it did no good.
The Empaths - Your pain was their pain. “How’s our incision today?” and “Did we have a bowel movement?”
The Co-conspiritors - “It’s not time for your painkillers yet, but I’ll see what I can do.” and " I know how much you like Orange Sherbert, so I brought you an extra."
The Threateners - These two were feared. Here’s an example of their M.O: “You didn’t do your breathing exercises with much conviction. I’m going to have to make a note of it in your chart, and when the doctor sees it, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were kept for another day.”
The Wallycoddlers - The wallycoddlers went beyond the call of duty. It was wally this and wally that, until you couldn’t take the wallying anymore and feigned sleep. They wallied you for everything. “Wally, don’t cross your legs. It’s bad for the circulation. Wally, hold your pillow when you cough. Wally, you’re too close to the edge of the bed. Wally, don’t walk on the floor in your bare feet.”
The Invisible Ones - The only time we saw them was at shift change and during medication and vital signs. We liked them because they gave us a lot of leaving alone.
Lola - She was a stand-alone. Lola had a beautiful smile and a body that would startle the birds in the tree. We all loved her. The other nurses didn’t.
The Dragon Lady - She was the Head Nurse. No one ever saw her smile. She almost managed it on the sixth day, when we presented her with a list of demands, (cigars, tequila, porno movies, etc.)
Of course, that’s another post entirely.
All in all though, you couldn’t find a better group of nurses on the planet. A tip of the hat to every one of them.
