Dear DC area,
I was born and raised with you. I have spent my childhood going to your schools. When I graduated, I got my first real job with you - as a peon at the Pentagon. I have spent the first 44 years of my life with you. But now, we have to break up.
Why, you ask? Didn’t we have many memories together - the cherry blossoms in the Spring; the haunting beauty of Arlington National Cemetery; long walks on the Mount Vernon Trail; the museums on the National Mall; getting a heart attack on a pita bun at a food truck near the Washington Monument; seeing those funky little shops in Old Town Alexandria (especially those talented af artists at the Torpedo Factory Art Center!); many many others? Oh yeah…yeah, I will totally treasure those memories. But…well, I’ll expound in the next paragraph…
Your flaws drove me away. You can’t get your Metrorail game right - c’mon, we had a full year of inconvenience with SafeTrack, and yet you’re closing all Blue and Yellow Line stations south of Reagan National during the summer of 2019 due to bad concrete? Really? Also, don’t bother telling me it’s only for the summer - we both know those stations will be closed until well into November. There’s also bumper-to-bumper traffic along I-95, mindless bureaucratic games at the Pentagon, high rents and taxes, massive-ass snowstorms, many others. I just can’t take it anymore. I gotta jet.
Ten years from now, I will remember only the good about you. However, I won’t be back. I can’t go back without taking the bad with the good - and the bad outweighed the good. So, it’s time to go to better climes in Central Florida. Sure, it’ll have its drawbacks, too. Stupid-hot summers? Well, you have those, too. Hurricanes? Well, at least a hurricane ends within a few days. Your snowstorms have effects lasting a lot longer than that. Gators and other dangerous wildlife? Sure beats soulless bureaucrats, sociopathic corporate lawyers, backstabbing capitalist contractors, and asshole politicians.
So, goodbye. I wish you well and hope you get better. However, you’ll be doing so without me. I can only love you from a distance at this point - the 800-mile distance between you and my new home. I’ll be spending the next few months enjoying what is good about you, so I can have good memories about you in my dotage. However, once I hit I-95 South, it’ll be for the last time.
Born in DC, raised in Arlington, currently in Springfield, soon to be Lakeland, FL.