I went to the doctors’ yesterday for a couple of different reasons. While there, I stepped up on the scale. I know I’ve gained weight–I’ve gone up two clothing sizes in the past few years–but to see my weight at 211 lbs. (I’m five, five) was a shocker. I’ve never been this heavy, this fat, not even when I was nine months pregnant, carrying a 10lb. baby and my ankles were swollen to the size of tree trunks.
Everything seems to be okay and well within normal limits (blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar, etc.), except for the fact that I’m unhealthly fat. I know I’m genetically predisposed for being obese. Family history going back as far as possible indicates most of those in my bloodlines have been fatties, however, I’ve not helped my situation. When I was younger, I was not only skinny, but healthy. Lazy, yes. (I’d rather sit and read than go for a walk–and a walk to WHERE? It always seemed pointless to me.) But, I was healthy, mainly because I ate right, which included almost no sugar. No chocolate, no ice-cream, no cookies, no candy. Four or five M&Ms were enough to make me “sick” of eating sugar. That all changed when I was pregnant with Hallgirl (24 years ago) and I began feeding a sugar moster that cropped up in my body. It’s been a steady decline since then. From 115 lbs. 24 years ago to this, almost 100 lbs. heavier. (Granted I was 16 when I was 115 lbs., and it’s probably not a realistic expectation for me now, but neither is 211 lbs.!)
Honestly, it’s the sugar that is my addiction, and it’s the sugar that has caused me to pack on my weight. For years, I’ve jokingly said that I eat all the things I’m supposed to eat, but I also eat the trash that I’m not. Salads with little or no dressing? Yep. Baked or grilled foods? Yep. Lots of fresh fruits and veggies? Yep. But they are cancelled out by the bowl of ice cream, or the cookies. My healthy breakfast of non-fat yogurt with nuts is cancelled out by the can of Coke I have along side of it. My sugar intake has become so crazy that I’ve found myself eating sugar that actually hurts my teeth, but continue to eat it anyway. How crazy is that?
As I was driving home from the doctor’s appointment, I was thinking of the Coke in my fridge, and the boxes of brownie mix and cookies in my pantry, and the M&M’s I had sitting on my desk at work and I thought to myself, “Is all this sugar more important to me than living long enough to be a parent to Hallboy? Is this sugar more important to me than living long enough to accomplish the new goals I’ve set for myself professionally?” Because, I know that if I keep up the sugar intake, the toll that it’s taking on my body will only get worse. I know that I’ll continue to gain weight, and soon my blood pressure will spike, and my blood sugar will go nuts. (I have a family history of high blood pressure and diabetes.)
So, this is it. Like many who have tried to kick bad habits, I know that the best way for me to do something is just do it, even if it’s cold turkey. With my personality, there’s no “weaning”, so I’ve resorted to drastic measures. Last night, I cleaned out the pantry. The boxes of cake mix, brownie mix, chocolate, cookies, Coke, etc. are out. No more processed and added sugar. Good bye Snapple Peach Iced Tea. Good bye Coke. Good bye French Vanilla Ice Cream. Good bye Oreo cookies and Ghriadelli dark chocolate and Snickers bars. You’ve been the worst kind of friend and although I might miss you today, tomorrow I’ll be glad you’re gone.