Goofus voted for Bush.
Gallant voted for Gore.
[sub](oh LIGHTEN UP, I’m only KIDDING!)[/sub]
Goofus writes “Hi Opal!” as the third item on every farging list he posts.
Gallant takes the time to slip in a more subtle OpalCat reference.
Goofus wears thongs.
Gallant wears a kilt. 
Goofus betrays the family and squeals.
Gallant takes him out in a boat and kills him.
Goofus owns a van and hangs out near school yards.
Gallant vacations in countries that don’t have Age of Consent laws.
Goofus makes jokes about pedophilia.
Gallant makes jokes about pedophilia, then follows up with an arch, self-referential joke to show how ironic he’s being.
Goofus just won’t shut up.
Gallant knows to quit when he’s ahead.
Goofus sends out every Fwd he receives-especially cute glurge and kidney theft stories.
Gallant always checks Snopes before doing so.
Gallant signifies he has completed making love by kissing his mate gently and cuddles with her for the rest of the evening.
Goofus signifies he has completed by jumping on the bed and screaming “I WON! I WON!!”
Goofus creates sock puppets to annoy the members.
Gallant notifies the staff when he comes across those socks.
Goofus refuses to learn what the separate forums are for.
Gallant helps others interpret the forum definitions.
Goofus posts spam.
Gallant breaks off a stick in his ass.
Goofus crossposts a flame of the staff.
Gallant breaks off another stick in his ass.
Goofus spills my goddamned beer.
Gallant buys me another.
Goofus gets his ass tossed outta here.
Gallant becomes a valued member.
Goofus gets it right in your eye.
Gallant warns you in advance and has better aim.
Goofus has his cell phone set to an annoying ring.
Gallant uses wireless technology to post from the throne.
Goofus is a friggin’ glutton
Gallant eats modestly and thanks the cook.
Goofus is an impulse buyer and spends his paycheck before he recieves it.
Gallant waits until his refrigerator is bare, then goes to Costco and packs his car tighter than the one on “Beverly Hillbillies”.