Google-searching your date: Questions about etiquette

What is the etiquette for deciding whether or not to Google-search someone before going on a first date with them? Does said etiquette apply equally to men and women? Should you only Google search your date while giving them permission to do the same? And is it acceptable to mention things that came up on that person during your conversation?

Is there any meaningful distinction between Googling a person you are going to date and asking your friends what they know about that person?

I think it’s poor etiquette. Anything that doesn’t show up on Google News I’d consider completely out of bounds, if you really insist on looking them up.

I think it’s one of those things that everyone does these days (maybe not before a first date, but certainly at some point early in the relationship), but prevailing etiquette is to pretend we don’t. Generally a simple google search isn’t going to turn up much unless they have a public facebook page or something*, in which case they’re more or less volunteering that information.

The only time I’d see it being a problem is if you’re enacting the old trope where you use pre-date research to make yourself look more compatible than you really are.

*(Unless they really do have a newsworthy, deal-breaking secret in which case it’s probably better to know sooner rather than later)

In my opinion, nothing is wrong with it within limits. I say he and him below but it’s the same for a man or woman.

Acceptable:
[ul]
[li]Googling to confirm that he’s not a criminal[/li][li]Looking to see if he sounds interesting and compatiable[/li][li]Spending just a few minutes doing it[/li][/ul]

Unacceptable:
[ul]
[li]Googling to find out really personal information[/li][li]Looking for information about him to pretend you like the same things or to otherwise manipulate him[/li][li]Spending hours googling him[/li][/ul]

I don’t know if acceptable or non-acceptable is right, but bringing things up could be awkward or non-awkward. How awkward depends on how easy the information is to find and how you bring it up. Mention the weekend football team he plays with that would be found on the first or second page of results would be no big deal. Mentioning a poem he wrote for a high school competition that would be on the 12th page of results would be weird.

I want to say, be careful that what you find is actually on the same person.

My state has a public database for people to access state court records. I don’t have an extremely common name, but there is someone with the same first and last name, and middle initial, in the same suburb.

Anyone who decided to look up information on me in that database would ‘find’ that I was quite a criminal, and has spend time in the state DOC.

I don’t see how there’s any real etiquette issues with googling someone. Information on the internet is public information and anything that one might find should be reasonably expected. Obviously, there’s going to be some issues with misinterpretting something you found, finding something that person didn’t know was public, or mixing that person up with someone else but, like comparing it to asking a friend about someone, all of that stuff can happen in that sort of circumstance too.

So, for instance, if you are going on a first date with someone you met online, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with googling and seeing the quick stuff come up, like maybe a public facebook page with a few more pictures or that sort of thing. Anything on facebook available to complete strangers was deliberately put there by that person.

I only really see an issue if you are cyber-stalking the person, like trying to find their home or work address, looking up stuff so you can pretend to like it too. But, again, one can easily cross that sort of line without the internet. So I just don’t see why google would need any guidelines beyond what is already general dating etiquette.