Got a dog and I'm freaking out

[Dogzilla]

@PookahMacPhellimey

I just wanted to say that, yes, if you took on the dog you need to know make sure that it is looked after. However, it seems to me that all the advice here is directed towards keeping the dog. Personally, I think that yes, you should give it at good go, but if it is really taking over life and this doesn’t improve, perhaps you made a mistake and you’ve discovered that you aren’t a dog person (or a dog-owning person) after all. Why wouldn’t that be okay, too? Of course, you need to make sure the dog gets a good home, but I don’t see why people here think returning him isn’t an option, when you are clearly not very happy with the situation.

Because Reticulating Spines accepted the responsibility for this little critter’s life and well being. The dog is still a baby and the whole “it’ll settle down” thing sometimes takes a few months, longer if the dog owner refuses to accept the advice given and get the pup into some training. I know this comparison isn’t the best, but if you adopted a 12-year-old kid, would you expect him to just settle in and behave perfectly after only a week? The OP has to give this dog some time and remember that it’s* still a baby*. AND, more importantly, for every day the dog and OP are together, that dog bonds even more tightly. I said upthread that I think it would be cruel to give up already. It’s only been a couple weeks! Puppies are difficult. But it does get better. However, it takes time and patience and the OP seems like he thinks it should just be a couple days. My stance is: if you’re not sure what you’re doing with dogs, then don’t take on the responsibility for a life if you’re not prepared to care for it and get help when you need it. For all of the advice here, I haven’t seen the OP yet say something like, “I’ve got an appointment with a trainer.” I recommended BarkBusters – they will do a phone consultation to give you some tips and help until the appointment. The trainer comes to your house and works with your specific dog’s issues.

Instead, I’m watching this thread go south as the OP sounds like he’s giving up already and my heart is breaking for this poor dog who is going to find himself back in rescue in some kennel somewhere without what he thought was his owner and companion for life. Now he’ll be a real problem for the next owner, who’s going to have a separation anxiety issue because the dog will not trust that a human will keep him.

[ReticulatingSplines]

@Dogzilla

Because Reticulating Spines accepted the responsibility for this little critter’s life and well being. The dog is still a baby and the whole “it’ll settle down” thing sometimes takes a few months, longer if the dog owner refuses to accept the advice given and get the pup into some training.

Okay, you need to slow your roll. When did I refuse to give him training? I looked into BarkBusters and they’re not available in my area. I am on the waitlist for a class at the local shelter. I even just contacted an in-home trainer. I just don’t have time to do anything with him on the weekdays, and weekend availability is much tighter.

I know this comparison isn’t the best, but if you adopted a 12-year-old kid, would you expect him to just settle in and behave perfectly after only a week? The OP has to give this dog some time and remember that it’s* still a baby*.

Yes, I realize that. This isn’t solely about his behavioral issues. I have my own issues too. Sometimes it turns out a dog isn’t a good fit in your life. What I’m trying to figure out is how much of the last couple of weeks is temporary and how much of it means “not a good fit.”

AND, more importantly, for every day the dog and OP are together, that dog bonds even more tightly. I said upthread that I think it would be cruel to give up already. It’s only been a couple weeks!

So now you’ve got me in a corner. Which is crueler? Giving it even MORE bonding time and giving him back, or just giving him back now? Or keeping him and leaving him with no company for 10 hours on weekdays? It’s going to be one of them, so pick which way I should choose to be a terrible person. And by that logic, boarding your dog on a long vacation is cruel.

Instead, I’m watching this thread go south as the OP sounds like he’s giving up already and my heart is breaking for this poor dog who is going to find himself back in rescue in some kennel somewhere without what he thought was his owner and companion for life. Now he’ll be a real problem for the next owner, who’s going to have a separation anxiety issue because the dog will not trust that a human will keep him.

I’m trying to give up quickly because if that’s what’s going to happen anyway, either because I can’t handle it or the condo board kicks him out, I want to minimize any damage to the dog. If you had read the entire thread, I was very clear that he was not a rescue. He’d go back to his old owner and it would be like I’d boarded him.

[Dogzilla]

@ReticulatingSplines

Okay, you need to slow your roll. When did I refuse to give him training? I looked into BarkBusters and they’re not available in my area. I am on the waitlist for a class at the local shelter. I even just contacted an in-home trainer. I just don’t have time to do anything with him on the weekdays, and weekend availability is much tighter.

Yes, I realize that. This isn’t solely about his behavioral issues. I have my own issues too. Sometimes it turns out a dog isn’t a good fit in your life. What I’m trying to figure out is how much of the last couple of weeks is temporary and how much of it means “not a good fit.”

So now you’ve got me in a corner. Which is crueler? Giving it even MORE bonding time and giving him back, or just giving him back now? Or keeping him and leaving him with no company for 10 hours on weekdays? It’s going to be one of them, so pick which way I should choose to be a terrible person. And by that logic, boarding your dog on a long vacation is cruel.

I’m trying to give up quickly because if that’s what’s going to happen anyway, either because I can’t handle it or the condo board kicks him out, I want to minimize any damage to the dog. If you had read the entire thread, I was very clear that he was not a rescue. He’d go back to his old owner and it would be like I’d boarded him.

Thanks for your clarifications. I was not aware you’d been pursuing training already. I do understand your dilemma and wish you both the best of luck.

[PapSett]

I just have to say my heart breaks a little for this little dog everytime I check into this thread. If you can’t love a dog like family, you shouldn’t have one. I would love to take him and integrate him into my little pack.

I’m single, live alone, and have 4 happy, healthy, loving dogs. I work 40 hours a week. Yeah, they can be a pain in the ass sometime, but worth every bit of it and then some.

Dogs are the greatest gift we can give ourself.

[ZipperJJ]

@PapSett

I’m single, live alone, and have 4 happy, healthy, loving dogs. I work 40 hours a week. Yeah, they can be a pain in the ass sometime, but worth every bit of it and then some.

Dogs are the greatest gift we can give ourself.

You gotta admit though, you have some skills with raising dogs. You probably have a home that is nicely set up for dogs and probably didn’t start off with 4 dogs. You did have to have the time and energy and resources available to get to where you are today.

**RS **would probably do well with a mellow older dog from a previous owner that had trained it well. Then in 5 years they can become a single person with a fenced-in yard and four dogs in their pack. But today, **RS **is being honest about their rough start with this particular dog in their particular home.

Heartbreaking but I think if they give this particular dog back right now, to the dog’s particular situation, it’s what is best. You want the dog to be in a suitable home, not foisted on to someone who realized and admitted they are not ready!

[Sunny_Daze]

@ReticulatingSplines

Yeah, I need to take him to a professional. I’m at my wit’s end. I thought dogs were supposed to be terrors early and then adjust and improve, but my dog was great early and seems to be getting worse. I’m afraid to even take him into a group class because he growls and lunges at every dog. I’ve been trying to use his walks to train him to calm down but I can’t make any headway because people will let their unleashed dogs run circles around him and he spazzes out.

@ReticulatingSplines

I did not see the first video, thank you.

I have read the second page, and that’s actually what I was trying. **The problem is, he goes from 0-100 immediately when he detects a dog. And then he stiffens up and totally ignores his treats. He doesn’t even sniff them. Just freezes looking straight ahead. **

I’ve only had him for like 9 days so it’s essentially just a really long boarding if I give him back, right? He wouldn’t go to a shelter or anything, his previous owner would just find him a more suitable family.

My bolding, on a few interesting portions. There are others, on his watch dog behaviors at home, that I did not include.

I’ve read through all of your thread, and taken note that you mentioned early on that’s he’s a Japanese Spitz. Japanese breeds in general can be dog aggressive. You are describing dog aggressive behavior. I have had Japanese breeds and loved them. They never stopped being dog aggressive, but they worked with me and were appropriate on leash. It took A LOT OF WORK. There was NEVER a time when I could say they were safe off leash except for with a few dogs that they considered pack. (note to other dog people out there - of course there are exceptions to every “rule” and some examples of a Japanese breed will not be dog aggressive, but many of them are. I have years of experience with this.)

My honest opinion is that you should return this dog and get another dog that is an easier “beginner” dog. A dog with lower behaviors on the “watch dog/guard dog” scale, and not dog aggressive. I would encourage you to get a private assessment from a trainer in your area to back this up, but from everything you’ve said, I think a different dog would be a better fit for you.

This does not mean that you cannot have a dog. There is a better fit for you out there. This does not mean that your dog cannot have a home. There is a better fit for him out there too. You just need a more mellow dog for your first companion. Please don’t judge yourself harshly for that.

Best of luck to you both.

[Helena330]

The dog-aggressive part is scary. I think he may need to be with someone more experienced.

From your lifestyle and everything you’ve posted, I think you’d do much better with two cats. They’d keep each other company while you were gone, and they wouldn’t be as dependent on you. You don’t seem to care for that. That’s not a criticism. I know my limits and that’s why I have cats and not dogs.

[Merneith]

Enh. Until the dog has been evaluated by a professional, I think it’s reasonable to assume that the dog aggressiveness is the result of his being a puppy in a strange place with a novice owner. I agree that a middle aged lab or golden would be a better fit for this owner, but I don’t think it’s necessary to panic, here.

I do agree that if the dog goes back to a good home, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. It just sounds to me like, with the support of an experienced dog person, patience and growing maturity will resolve most of the problems.

[cochrane]

@ZipperJJ

RS would probably do well with a mellow older dog from a previous owner that had trained it well. Then in 5 years they can become a single person with a fenced-in yard and four dogs in their pack. But today, RS is being honest about their rough start with this particular dog in their particular home.

This. I’ve adopted several older dogs, at least two or three years old, including my current dog of just two weeks, a six-year old. Without exception, they’ve adopted swiftly to their new home, being more mellow and less hyperactive than a puppy. My new dog is already housebroken, obedient, and spends most of her time napping. She doesn’t need a crate and hardly barks at all. Only when someone comes to the house and she’s just exhibiting natural watchdog behavior. She walks nicely on a leash without pulling ahead or lungeing. All of the annoying behavior has been trained out of her. She exhibits a maturity and willingness to please and I don’t regret adopting her for a minute. Older dogs are more adaptable to being part of a pack and don’t try to test their limits, in my experience.

[ReticulatingSplines]

Thanks for all the thoughts, everyone. I’m going to contact his previous owner. I’ll update when this is resolved. I know it doesn’t sound like it from the way I’ve been talking, but I have grown fond of the little guy.

@Dogzilla

Thanks for your clarifications. I was not aware you’d been pursuing training already. I do understand your dilemma and wish you both the best of luck.

Appreciate the sentiment, and I apologize for my tone, which was overly defensive.

[PookahMacPhellimey]

@ZipperJJ

Heartbreaking but I think if they give this particular dog back right now, to the dog’s particular situation, it’s what is best. You want the dog to be in a suitable home, not foisted on to someone who realized and admitted they are not ready!

Yes, this is what I mean, too. I really don’t mean I think people should get dogs on a whim and bring them back to the shop if they don’t like them, like they are a shirt that you got bored with. But it doesn’t seem to be the case here - the OP really thought about it for a long time and is trying his/her best to deal with the situation, but if it doesn’t work that is also a possibility. A dog is a living creature that you need to take care of and many people take this way too lightly, but I don’t think it is the case that there are no circumstances ever where it’s better to give the dog up.

[Sunny_Daze]

@ReticulatingSplines

Thanks for all the thoughts, everyone. I’m going to contact his previous owner. I’ll update when this is resolved. I know it doesn’t sound like it from the way I’ve been talking, but I have grown fond of the little guy.

They do grow on you.

If you decide to keep him, a trainer and time will help you work through the issues you’ve noted, but it sounds like he’s more of an intermediate to advanced dog.

Keep us posted.

[PapSett]

@ZipperJJ

You gotta admit though, you have some skills with raising dogs. You probably have a home that is nicely set up for dogs and probably didn’t start off with 4 dogs. You did have to have the time and energy and resources available to get to where you are today.

**RS **would probably do well with a mellow older dog from a previous owner that had trained it well. Then in 5 years they can become a single person with a fenced-in yard and four dogs in their pack. But today, **RS **is being honest about their rough start with this particular dog in their particular home.

Heartbreaking but I think if they give this particular dog back right now, to the dog’s particular situation, it’s what is best. You want the dog to be in a suitable home, not foisted on to someone who realized and admitted they are not ready!

Well, actually… there has never been a day in my life with less that 2 dogs. My parents had 2 dogs when they brought me home from the hospital. So I was raised with multiple dogs and have extensive experience training etc. I’m not saying the OP is wrong, I just feel sorry for the pup.

[ReticulatingSplines]

Just to close the loop on this, I contacted his previous owner, who agreed to take him back, but he’s in the process of moving so I’ll have the dog for another week or two. I’m still starting him on training with an in-home trainer in the meantime, which I think will be good for him anyway.

[Boyo_Jim]

@ReticulatingSplines

Yeah, he is crate trained, so that’s helped. …

So is your average felon. Something to think about.

[Tired_and_Cranky]

@ReticulatingSplines

Just to close the loop on this, I contacted his previous owner, who agreed to take him back, but he’s in the process of moving so I’ll have the dog for another week or two. I’m still starting him on training with an in-home trainer in the meantime, which I think will be good for him anyway.

I’m glad you are making the decision that is right for you. It’s probably best for your dog too. Your dog has bonded with you but he has plenty of time to form new attachments and find new love. My wife and I adopted our rescue dog when he was nine months old. He went through a couple of weeks of uncertainty and anxiety at first. He clearly missed the foster mom who, for about two months, gave him his first experience in a stable loving home. But we loved him too and we made him feel safe. We treated him well and took care of him. Pretty soon, our dog got over the change and bonded with us. I don’t think there’s any chance he would want to give up the life we provide for him now. Your dog can find another owner to provide that life for him. Don’t let people make you feel guilty about the choice you’ve made.

[Mist]

I have two dogs, both about 6 years old. When they moved to my house with me, I was scared of leaving them alone. Actually, I only had my bigger dog at that time. Also, I worked long hours then and was scared of leaving her alone a long time. I would leave to go grocery shopping and worried she’d get into something before I got back. Just put anything that’s hazardous to him up and away. That fear does go away, but only with time, or at least it did for me. I still miss them TONS during the day, though!

Also, you could check out some doggy day care places near you. I know PetSmart and Petco have doggy day care, or they have in the past. You don’t have to take them everyday, but if you can afford it, take them a few times or even once a week. That way, your dog gets socialization with other dogs and it might help you feel like you’re doing something for your dog.

Training is a good idea, too. PetSmart and Petco have that. It can be expensive, a little over $100 for about 6-8 weeks, if I’m remembering right. That will help you learn things, as well as your puppy. My bigger dog went to training. She barked at every dog she saw whenever we went in a store. I took her to training, and after the first (where she barked the WHOLE time–not kidding) and second (where she barked the first 15 min) time, she didn’t bark anymore. We found something that worked for her to stop. It can take training for the whole barking and lunging thing, but also, he’s a puppy and could be excited about meeting other people on walks.

My dogs follow me everywhere in my house. That has to do with wanting to be close to you, and you could be considered the pack leader. Mine get in my way constantly! That’s to be expected, it just means they love me all the more. Sounds like yours loves you already!

Mine sleep with me, too. I can’t stop them, I’ve tried, but they just want to be close to me. I personally don’t mind it, but I know some people don’t want that for their dogs. You could let him sleep there, or get a crate for the nighttime. It really is your opinion there.

Don’t be surprised if your dog messes up in your house. Mine have, it’s just part of the deal with having dogs. I just clean it up and show them I’m not mad, but they need to go outside to pee or whatever. I don’t ever get mad, cause they are dogs. You’ll have to learn their signs for when they want to go out. Some people put bells up by their doors and the dogs ring them. Mine come to me and whine.

I also get toys, toys, toys for them to play with during the day so they don’t get bored. A good way to get dogs to chew on furniture or blinds (like mine have) is to not have anything for them to play with during the day. Of course, they may still destroy something, and that’s par for the course. It may happen, it may not. My blinds still got destroyed even with lots of toys. There is this bitter spray for dogs you can buy, and it works. At least it did for mine. Puppies are notorious for chewing, but they’re great animals to have!

My biggest advice to you would be to don’t give up on your puppy–remember, he is a puppy and still young and learning, and get him into training or doggy day care if you can. Also, look online for tips and tricks for dogs. That’s another way to learn things. I’ve done that as well.

I love my dogs and I wouldn’t trade them for anything! I hate their puppy dog eyes when I leave, but I love their unconditional love and their excitement to see me when I get home. There’s nothing like it in the world! Now I’ve got to go look at your pictures and fall in love with your dog, as I’m sure I will.
“Do I believe in love at first sight? Absolutely. I fall in love with every dog I see.”

[Mist]

@ReticulatingSplines

Just to close the loop on this, I contacted his previous owner, who agreed to take him back, but he’s in the process of moving so I’ll have the dog for another week or two. I’m still starting him on training with an in-home trainer in the meantime, which I think will be good for him anyway.

Guess I should have read the whole thread first.
Training will be excellent for him. Well, at least he’s going back to a good place, right? I’m sure you’ll miss him. It is very easy to get attached to dogs, fast. Who knows, maybe you’ll get visitation rights!