nevermind
My kid is getting married in July. From what I’ve heard, $6k is damn cheap to throw a party for 200 folks. My wife and I simply gave our kid $x, which they could blow on a wedding, save for anything else, or any combination.
In your case, I have to strongly support the education now, party later crowd. Have a very small wedding, and invite family to a casual party - maybe even a picnic. And throw a bigger blast in 5 years. Hell, you could even have some fun with it by sending out “save-the-dates” for some time in 2016! If your friends and family don’t see the sense in what you are doing, and are anything less than supportive - fuck 'em.
Also a fact: when you get married by a JP, your kids don’t turn out illegitimate or snaggletoothed. I swear, I’m living proof! And the family gets over it.
Pay for school and have a cheap wedding, even if it means doing it at City Hall. If your heart is set on a big formal wedding, you can always have a re-commitment ceremony at a future date, when you can afford it. Right now, your educations is the important thing . . . and remember that your marriage is more important than your wedding.
You fiancee may be seeing a false dichotomy between “traditional party wedding” and “married in some crappy government office” (frankly, getting married down at my local courthouse is kind of depressing) when there are really a lot of options in between. I know an awful lot of people who got married in a small ceremony and threw at large party at a later date. My friends who didn’t want to elope strictly speaking nor do it at the courthouse, went to Vegas with their parents and best friend, and got married at one of a Hotel chapels. It’s not expensive and very simple to arrange, yet it’s a bit fancy and formal.
Example, for $800 at Caesar’s Palace, they provide officiant, flowers, photography, and live music. And of course the chapel. I believe they also offer promotional room rates if you have a booking at their chapel.
Anyway I’m not saying that’s what you have to do, but if your fiancee is put off by a courthouse ceremony (and the “my family will flip” might be a smokescreen, or it might not be) there are lots of other options that don’t cost a lot but still feel special.
Separately, I know at least one couple who were already married at the time of their wedding. Their parents didn’t know, nor will they ever know – and yes, the couple paid for it themselves.
Personally I think it is stupid to put off education in order to pay for a wedding, but at the same time I don’t think it is stupid to want to mark the occasion with some sense of ceremony. But compromise is very possible.
I’m also curious about what the degree is, even if it is a professional degree … there are a lot of professional degrees that aren’t necessarily going to get you a great bump in income on their own, you need the experience to go along with it. And that’s what the OP is doing now, working and getting experience.
I think if it were a bachelors that would be different, or something like law school where it gets you a necessary accreditation. But if it’s something like a part-time MBA … I dunno, if I already considered myself to be a fairly-well paid professional then I wouldn’t get bent out of shape if I had to push my graduation back a semester or two. Don’t get me wrong, I’d scale back the wedding as well, but if my SO wanted a family wedding and I supported that, I wouldn’t let a change in my employer’s tuition reimbursement policy change our plans.
Pay for grad school, elope and pay for a justice of the peace wedding at town hall, take a couple of good friends to be the witnesses. Tell your respective parental units if they want a party, they can pay for it and make the arrangements …
My wedding, license fee and $25 for the Justice of the peace, 20 years this upcoming Feb. My brother, $30000 and a church, 9 months and a divorce.
Do the math.
I can’t imagine blowing $6K on a wedding when that money could be put to so many other good uses. I vote for paying tuition, going to the JP, and if any family wants to throw a big stinkin’ party, paste a smile on and show up.
The wedding isn’t important. The marriage, and your education, are.
Pay for school and elope, it’s not even close for me.
I’d say pay for school & have the wedding later. The planned shindig doesn’t sound overly lavish–there’s nothing wrong with a nice wedding & reception for friends & family.
It sounds like you’re already living together. If the bride’s family is so traditional that they object to the situation, let them pay for the wedding; that’s the “tradition.”
The previous, informal tuition policy was that the company would expense tuition expenses for education directly related to our job duties. Mine was about $15,000 per year, depending on the number of classes I took, etc.
Turns out, that’s a no-no from a tax perspective, and they have to count anything about the Federal maximum $5,250 in deductible tuition expenses as income for me. It also means that I owe income taxes (and that they have to cough up the extra employer contribution for payroll taxes) on the additional $10,000.
Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem (other than sucking up and paying for school.) But it would eat up every last cent of free cash until I get reimbursed. That reimbursement would then be turned around and plowed in to the next quarter’s up-front payment.
Yep. $6k is the budget for everything. Invitations printed for free by a friend who runs a graphics place, clothes (including a re-usable suit for me), ceremony (reservation for a gazebo in the park and a buddy with an Internet license), tab for a cocktail reception at a bar owned by a friend, another semi-professional DJ friend spinning vintage soul 45’s, another friend putting together light Hors’D, and the honeymoon (long weekend on the beach.)
While we could probably shave some off (by having a cash bar, for instance) we’re not exactly talking a Roman orgy, here.
You’re pretty close. It’s an MS in Information Systems, via the business college. 60% MBA, 40% high level IT and Operations stuff.
I’m currently an IT manager, and am mostly using the education process to formalize my ad-hoc experience. After the degree and a few more years on the job, I expect to shoot for a Director or Senior Manager position at a large company, or maybe even CIO at the right medium-sized firm.
If my earlier posts weren’t enough indication, I’m leaning in favor of school, but it’s still just a lean. I won’t be in dire straits if I push graduation back three months.
It’ll also be my second wedding, so I’m pretty much over the whole scene, but while I considered our current plan to be more than I would go for if given the choice, myself, I want the future Mrs. Rabbit to be happy.
That’s sweet. Won’t change the pile-on you’re getting, from me as well as other Dopers, and it’s certainly not the only consideration you should take into account, but it is sweet, bless your heart.
Yeah, $6K * IS * cheap for 200 people. Doesn’t mean it can’t be put to better use elsewhere, especially since OP is doing some financial weighing and calculations, instead of just having spare dough sitting in stocks somewhere ready to blow with no consequences. That said, the way-future save-the-date cards are an awesome idea! 
Got it.
I sign the checks for some events, and $6K is damn cheap. Especially with an open bar.
However, not to be mercenary, have you considered gifts? If you get $25 per person - hardly a huge gift - you almost cover your expenses. If you and your parents just tell guests that money will be fine, it is possible.
Too bad you don’t live in SW Louisiana. When I did, a custom was the wedding dance, where guests pinned money on the bride. These were advertised on the radio!
I’m curious about how you are pulling this off. One of the nicest wedding receptions I’ve been to was a pig roast/picnic for my wife’s cousin. Lots of fun, relaxing, and no doubt pretty inexpensive.
Ohhhh the OP is the dude.
In that case, if she wants a bigger wedding, her family should pay for it. It’s absurd for her and her family to expect a bigger wedding and yet don’t expect to pony up for it.
Just so the OP doesn’t think everyone is a bunch of tools who only have boring cheap weddings, I’ve been to some huge bashes. Like, quarter million dollar bashes, 100k bashes, 50k bashes, 10k bashes…seen em all. But in seeing them an experiencing them, nothing is worth that for just one day. I have friends who have had a 15k wedding and who still live paycheck to paycheck. My parents had an under 1k wedding because they weren’t well off at the time; now they only inform the other if a purchase they make is over 50k.
Sounds to me like you two need a come to Jesus talk if she wants it more than you. **Hello Again **has an excellent suggestion too.
Is your Master’s degree going to get you a higher-paying job? If the answer is “yes” or “maybe”, then use your money for that instead of for a wedding. A wedding is not going to get you more money.
I had a big wedding. I wish I had gotten a dress, gone to the courthouse with Mr. Neville and our two sets of parents, then taken the six of us out to dinner afterward instead.
Just to be contrarian, postponing the wedding will have a larger impact on your life since you already have a job and are taking the MA to formalize your existing job skills. Have the wedding and postpone the classes a year, with the added benefit of spending more time with your new bride for that year.
If you’re not planning to look for new jobs right away than will it make any difference if you push it back a quarter? Are you going to get a raise or a promotion for graduating? FWIW I have an MSCS, which I started part-time and finished full-time. Even before I graduated I got “cred” for being in grad school – ie, in job interviews the interviewer would comment and ask questions about grad school, my coworkers thought I was “committed”, stuff like that.
So entirely MHO but if there’s no money involved (eta: by money I mean raise) then I don’t see the big deal in delaying graduation. I wouldn’t just delay graduation for my wedding, I’d delay it to go to someone else’s wedding, or even just because it messed up my vacation plans. It’s just an IT masters … were you even going to go to the graduation ceremony?
You didn’t provide an option for finding a new job. Can you start looking now?
I don’t know whether you’ve actually said how she feels about it.
I’m not sure which of your poll options is the Correct Answer, but what I am sure of is that this is a decision that you and the future Mrs. Rabbit have to make together, and you have to do what you can both agree on.
If you’ve had a big wedding before and she has not, and she wants one… well, I could see a potential for resentment, justified or not, if you cancel the big wedding.