I’m a fairly well-paid professional who is engaged and plans to get married in six months. I’m also working on my Master’s, taking a couple of night classes at a time.
My boss has recently informed me that our previously extremely generous education expense policy (basically a full ride, paid up front) will be reduced next year to a traditional tuition reimbursement program. 5250-or-so bucks per year, paid at the end of the quarter. This isn’t due to any revenue or cash flow problems at my employer - we’re doing rather well, actually - but because the paperwork is apparently a headache. A headache that he’s going to avoid by giving me what amounts to a $15,000 pay cut.
Coincidentally, the amount that I’ve been planning to set aside for the wedding almost exactly matches the amount that I’ll now need to pay for tuition for the next couple of quarters. There isn’t any room in the budget to do both. While the wedding / reception we’re planning isn’t lavish by any stretch, we both have big families, and there will be massive hurt feelings all around if we scale it back dramatically.
I’m perfectly willing to tell my family to go to hell and do the city hall + a weekend in the Keys deal. My fiancee, for various reasons, less willing to do so.
I can take out student loans, but I already have a rather substantial balance from a previous abortive attempt at graduate education, and I’m loathe to add to the principal if at all possible.
So I’m faced with a handful of choices:
Sock away money for the wedding, and postpone school for a quarter or two.
Pay for school up front, and postpone the wedding until my personal cash flow loosens up.
Take out student loans, pay for school, sock away for the wedding, and have the discipline to knock back at the principal once the aforementioned cash flow issues work themselves out.
Well, my line of logic would be the sooner you can get that degree, the sooner you can get a higher paying position, which would mean the sooner you could recover from that financial blow. If I were you, I would postpone the wedding for a little bit.
Get your education. Get married at the courthouse by a JP and have a party at your house or at a public park with your immediate family. Inform everyone else in an email or, for the old people, by card.
Jesus. This is why Americans are in debt up to their ears. I honestly cannot believe this is a f’ing question!
If it weren’t for the fact that you dropped out of graduate school before, I’d say that it depended on the type of program you were in. I probably have a higher tolerance for education debt than most people on the SDMB but I also went to school for a career that paid more. Plus, honestly, as my sister pointed out before medical school, she really had no incentive to save an extra 10K per year when she was taking out something like 200K to go to medical school anyway (Northwestern, for the record, not some crap medical school).
All that said, I’d pay for school upfront, not because of the previous loan balance, but because of your previous history of dropping out. If you do it a second time around, you’ll be in an even worse position financially, so you may as well pay up to mitigate the risk.
I’d pay for school up front and get married at the courthouse at the time you were planning to get married anyway. Some time down the road when you can afford to pay for a nice ceremony and reception, do so, if anybody still cares (including you and your fiance).
Really, your family can get over it. They can. I’m a big softie and hate long engagements, which is why I vote that you get married now even if you have a wedding later.
I voted to finish school first and then have a ceremony, if you choose to at that time.
And in regards to the fiance’s family, you can tell them if they don’t like it then they can pay for the wedding themselves. That’s the line I ended up using for some family when I was planning my wedding (22 people, <3k, wasted a thousand on what turned out to be a really REALLY crappy photographer).
I voted for the second option, which is the only reasonable one. If you must have a big expensive wedding, put it off until your lives/finances are in good enough order to do so without compromising the education which will further your career, or taking on debt.
I think it’s really messed up that your whole extended family would be personally ‘hurt’ by you choosing not to shell out thousands and thousands of dollars on a lavish party they can all attend. Whatever, I don’t understand wedding culture.
Would your fiancee be willing to have a very small or civil ceremony now, and a formal wedding or nice reception in the future?
I’m confused.
If your employer is paying your tuition (if a bit late) where is the cost coming from? Or are they paying only a part of your tuition? Or are you going to grad school full time and this is living expenses?
If family is so hung up on a big wedding, why don’t they pay? I know you are old enough to pay for yourself (and good for you) but if they don’t respect your choice, they can offer an alternative.
Assuming there are reasonable answers the the above, my vote would be for a small wedding now, with a big wedding/party/anniversary party when you are done and can afford it.
Piling on to the second option, which you had to know was the option most were going to go for.
Also, if you’re ok with a small ceremony and she wants a large one, can’t she take out the loan?
Don’t guests often leave something? Could they make it cash?
How many people are to attend this 15K$, non-lavish wedding?
Before you start considering postponing school or the wedding take a look and see if you can find acceptable ways to bring down the costs of both. I have a friend who got married in a beautiful dress she found on sale at Ann Taylor for $27 instead of paying almost a grand for a dress like most brides. You can find a local buffet place that charges $12 a head for an awesome dinner with lots of options for everyone instead of a huge catered affair. You can get 2 or 3 sheet cakes in various flavors for less than $150 instead of a tiered cake for $700. In addition you can look at possibly doing grad school at a cheaper school or you can talk to your boss and explain that his wanting to deal with less paperwork just cost you a bunch of money and ask for a raise to make up for the loss of benefits. See about ways to bring down the cost of both before you decide to postpone or do without one or the other.
Just to define the terms here, we’re talking about a total of about $6k, for two hundred people. That covers everything up to and including the honeymoon.
Also, I misstated my “pay cut” - it’s $10k, not $15k. My tuition comes in at just over $5k/quarter.
School: I’m still confused about the missing money as well. Are you saying the employer won’t cover as much tuition now as they said they would before? They … capped how much they shell out? Is there any way for you to switch schools and finish your degree somewhere else? Also: what degree are you pursuing? Is it worth it? (No snark on this part: I have a completely useless MA (long story) so it’s possible you’re pursuing one as well. I mean that in the nicest possible way.)
Wedding: I have opinions about people who are willing to go into debt to please other people, in particular by having a single-day event. I’ll leave it at that. (Snark here. Not above, but here, sure.)
Is there any way to cut back the number of hours you are taking to stay within your employers new tuition policy? You would still have to pay up front, but when you get reimbursed, you can use that money for the wedding.
Go to grad school and have a [del]cheap[/del] small, intimate wedding & [del]backyard[/del] garden reception. Then when your silver anniversary rolls around you can throw a big over-the-top anniversary party and combine it with a renewal of vows. Or if the marriage doesn’t last you can just make your next wedding the big fancy one.
I wasn’t going to be quite that blunt, but that’s about what I’m thinking, too. A wedding is one day - a party. Don’t spend serious coin or go into debt just for a party, and as others have said, if the relatives don’t like it, they can pay for it.
Let’s recap.
Would you rather have an education that can get you a good job that pays well, or pictures of drunk relatives at a lavish party you can’t afford?
Option 2. I would’ve said have a cheap wedding with minimal guests (we got married in a small town in New Zealand, awesome setting, only four guests, a couple of our friends and their two daughters), but it seems the bride is not willing to do this sort of thing. It’s just a wedding, it has no real importance other than as a, as others have said, party.
voted ‘other’ because it depends on the degree - is it something useful that will enhance your job prospects/employability/ earning power? Or is it something more esoteric like Advanced Underwater Basket Weaving that you’re taking for your own benefit that has no relation to your job?
If it’s the former, school should get precedence.
If it’s the latter - well, I’m not sure why your personal indulgance of a fluff degree should get higher billing than your fiance’s indulgance of a foo-foo wedding - you should probably not only discuss it with her but also think about why you’re Pershing the degree for the second time.
