Grade my paper!

I wrote this paper, and I got a bad grade on it. I put a lot of time and effort into it, and the last critical review essay I did wasn’t critical enough, and this one was “too critical.” ARG!!!

Anyway, here’s the criteria, and my essay is below. It’s supposed to be around 750 words, and it a critical review on The Columbian Exchange. Just put a percent gade you think I should have gotten, and I’ll compare with what I actaully got. Grade on content, and not grammer, as this was for a social science class. I’d appreciate it.

MY PAPER:
Alfred Crosby. The Columbian Exchange: Biological and Cultural Consequences of 1492 Contributions in American Studies, Number 2
Westport, Connecticut: Greenwood Press, 1973
Pp. xv, 268; map, table, 4 Tables, 6 Maps, 14 illustrations
$68.00 hardcover; $16.50 paperback

The Columbian Exchange, written by Alfred Crosby, is an in depth look at the biological and cultural consequences of Columbus’s discovery of the New World. The Columbian Exchange focuses on the negative aspects of European exploration and exploitation of the Americas. Alfred Crosby focuses on the dependence on different foods, the changes in lifestyles, and the effects that the European flora and fauna had on the new world, and how it changed the Americas forever. His main point in this book was that the most important changes wrought by the European expansion into the new world were biological in nature, not social, political, or cultural.

To clearly understand Crosby’s point of view, we must understand him and his writing style. His background in history and health give some credence to his opinions and research. The book states that Crosby is a Research Associate at the University of California Medical Center, History of Health Sciences. He mostly uses empirical evidence and statistics to base his claims, but sometimes resorts to his own opinions and guesswork. He also uses tables and maps to help the reader picture history the way that he sees it. He relies heavily on other contemporary sources such as Del Castillo and Agiler to base many of his claims, but cites the exact references to these outside sources.

Though Crosby does a good job of making this book interesting and available to people who are not historians or biologists, he could have done some things differently to make the book more approachable to the average person. He has a tendency to deviate from the subject matter, and does not always provide enough evidence for his claims.

In some cases, these tangents allow us to better understand the point he is trying to make, but mostly it makes trudging through the endless examples and repetitiveness a chore. For instance, his many examples of how the European animals spread throughout the New World seemed very dry and repetitive. Crosby just kept expounding upon certain pieces of evidence, even after he had made his point. I think that in the hands of another author, this book could have been ninety pages with little loss of content.

He also seemed to be stretching for evidence and was using a lot of guesswork in chapter five when he was trying to relate the new food types with the sudden growth in population. Sure, it sounds good in theory, but he needs more clear-cut evidence to support his claims to convince the reader of the truth of his statements.

In chapter four, Crosby claims that syphilis in Europe came from the new world, without the proof to back up his claims. There are a few other theories as to where syphilis came from, but without evidence backing up his claim, how are we to know which one is correct, if any? He tries to support his theory with a table of the diseases present throughout time, but it is not enough to convince the reader that his is the correct theory, or that the other’s aren’t.

Another thing that got to me about the book is that he claims that The Columbian Exchange has had a worldwide effect. The book may present some of the changes that were wrought of the European expansion into the Americas, but it was far from worldwide in it effects. In fact, the “far reaching” biological consequences consisted of a small part of the New World, mainly Central America, the West Indies, Southern North America, and Northern South America.

To his credit, he stays focused on what the book was about: The biological aspects of the European expansion into the New World. He didn’t deviate much into the culture, social, or economic impact that the discovery of the New World had on both worlds. His focus on how the Spanish would not have had such success in the New World if it were not for the diseases that they brought with them, and the various elements of surprise that the Spaniards had over the natives.

To sum up, I would have to say that this book is good in getting its point across, but for all other purposes, it was mediocre. He did a good job of supporting the claims he made with evidence, though in some places this made it tough to read. Some of the aspects of the connection between the biology and history of the region were a little deep, and that would drive away the average reader. I would recommend it to those looking for an educational look at the causes of the changes in the New World, but for the average for-fun reader, I would say stay away from it.

Do we grade on spelling???

Grammar not Grammer :rolleyes:

I grade papers for a living, and have for several years now. I also read that book and wrote a paper on it for a history class. Here are a few guesses at why your grade was bad:

Maybe the prof didn’t like the implication that you disliked the fact that the book was unnecessarily long. It shouldn’t be a reason to give a bad grade, of course, but he (the prof’s a he, right?) probably likes to read long, wordy books, and may have punished you for not sharing that preference. It isn’t quite right, but profs do things like that sometimes.

Maybe he didn’t like the casual tone of “another thing that got to me.” Nothing really wrong with it, but it is a little non-academic in style.

Maybe he didn’t like the fact that you treated chapter 5 before chapter 4. A small thing, but it isn’t chronological, which is a big thing to some academics.

Finally, the only thing that I remember about the book (and my memory is not so good, so I could be wrong) is that syphilis was brought to Europe from the New World, and that smallpox was brought to the New World from Europe, and that smallpox played a major role in decimating the native population and allowing the Europeans to take over. Your essay doesn’t mention smallpox. But again, I read the book a long time ago and don’t remember it clearly. That’s just what I took away from the book.

Still, I would have given the paper a pretty good grade. I’ve read so many papers that are so bad in terms of sentence structure and coherence, and show such little evidence of critical thought, that I would be pleased to get such a paper. Depending on the level of the class (freshman, senior, graduate), I’d say a high B or a low A. For a lower-level undergrad class, definitely an A. Maybe I’m too easy.

How’s your hairstyle? Any facial piercings? Are you a smartass in class? Those things aren’t supposed to influence paper grades, but for some profs, they do. Maybe he’s just a hard grader. Any info on how other students did?

Hmm. What level class was this?
My complaint would be that while it’s fine to be critical, your criticisms seemed a bit unstructured or undisciplined and superficial. You state what he failed to do but do not really analyze what he DID do-- you find the work lacking on a set of a priori expectation you have but don’t critique the work on its own terms. What is his method? What are his goals?
In one of my upper div classes I grade for I’d probably a B- on account of vagueness and lack of analytical structure. A critique is time for a full analysis, not simply criticism.
As one of my advisors hands out to her classes (credit entirely to Dr Ann Jensen Adams of UCSB):

"How to analyze and argument:

  1. What is the initial observation that generates the argument, provides the reason for the author’s writing the article or making the argument?

  2. What question is generated by this observation, and in turn motivates the article? Specifically, what does the author set out to discover or argue?

  3. What are the assumptions, stated or more often unstated, made by the author as they embark upon their argument? Specifically, what fundamental `truths’ are assumed that give authority to the author’s method and conclusion?
    • Does the author state their assumptions, or the perspective from which the article is written?
    • Observe the date at which the argument was formualted, or article originally published. What aspects of the time, or place, in which the argument was made might have influenced the subject of the article, its method, and particularly its assumptions?

  4. What is the ostensible function of the article? Does the author set out to present new data, or do they seek to revise earlier understandings of an artist, a work of art, a genre of art, or art theory?

  5. What kind of evidence or data does the author gather to answer their questions?
    • Is it primary evidence (from original documents or the author’s own research), or secondary (from the research of others)?
    • If several kinds of data, which takes precedence?

  6. What are the key terms used by the author?

  7. What kind of approach(s) or methods does the author bring to their material? Specifically,
    • How does the author link the evidence or data with the subject of their original question? Is the evidence linked causally, as parallel, or juxtaposed?
    • Is that link demonstrated, argued or assumed?
    • What possible alternative approaches have not been used?

  8. What are the conclusions reached by the author?

  9. How does the author’s choice of data and approach influence the kind of conclusions they reach?

Evaluate the argument
10. What are the strengths of the investigation?

  1. What are its weaknesses, particularly, unestablished links between object, data, and conclusion, or internal contradictions, if any?

  2. What aspects of the work does the article or approach not take into account?"

Hair’s normal, and no weird piercings. Some people may consider me a smartass, but I just see myself as keeping people from saying stupid things, many of which the refutations can be fouind here. I’m pretty vocal when we have our weekly debates too, but I’ve never been mean to anyone, and I always back myself up. Overall though, I don’t think he likes me.

I went through my paper with another girl who got a 96%, and we covered nearly all the same points, if not in the same order, and pretty much the only difference was that she stated that it was a good book (I know she was lying though). Oh yeah, and I am a Freshman at college, but I go to Kettering University, a highly technical school. Writing papers isn’t usually a big thing here, and I know I wrote better papers then some of my friends who got better grades them me.