Various bits of graffiti found on walls in Pompeii, translated.
I think my favorite is
I think this might be a (slight) mistranslation, and may be the earliest instance of the tiresome old “hope everything works out in the end/hope everything comes out alright” scatological pun.
It’s oddly reassuring that so many of them sound like they could have been written yesterday.
“I screwed the barmaid.”
Some things never change.
“Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!”
“Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they ever have before!”
“Take hold of your servant girl whenever you want to; it’s your right.”
And my favorite, which I actually think is a pretty cool little saying:
“The one who buggers a fire burns his penis.”
“If anyone does not believe in Venus, they should gaze at my girl friend.”
Awww. 
I will bet dollars to donuts that originally, just underneath, was scrawled “who hasn’t?”
They sure had a public pooping problem, didn’t they?
My favorite- “Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog.”
Oh, that wacky Theophilus!
Gaius Pumidius Dipilus was here on October 3rd 78 BC.
Reminds me of the old riddle about the shyster trying to sell a coin that was stamped “54 BC” or something similar… I have to wonder if they converted the actual date when they translated it.
The translation is fine and idiomatic. The text from graffito 6641 is:
Literally, it says “may you flourish so that you may leave this place,” but the translator understandably turned it around and put it on English idiom.
Does the writer object to the canine technique, or the choice of wall, or the gender of the lucky recipient?
Maeglin, do you have a URL for the original Latin? Particularly ref. 6842 (the Venus one).
N/M - found it at http://www.usask.ca/antiquities/sexcity/graffiti.html
Palmyra, the thirst-quencher.
It’s what plants crave!
Does that pretty much mean “Don’t stick it in the crazy”?
I was looking for “Romani ite domum”.
Just think, 2000 years later, we could be their descendents.
“On April 19th, I made bread” was written in the Gladiator Barracks? Well, la dee da!
I guess those were an ancient form of message board…
The “I made bread” sounds like half the posts people make on Facebook. People never really do change.
I love these (especially the Venus/girlfriend one).
One of the things I loved the most about HBO’s Rome was the way it portrayed the seamy, gritty, everyday aspects of the city-- including, in a large part, the graffiti (which play a large role in the credits). During the Pompey-Caesar conflict when Caesar’s family in Rome, including his niece Atia, are worried about their safety with angry mobs rampaging about, there’s a great scene where they go outside and find that a mess has been made of their gate. No one actually comments on it, but scrawled across the door is:
ATIA FELLAT OMNES
[spoiler]“Atia blows everybody.”
Admittedly, the way she’s portrayed in the show, that’s not really inaccurate…
[/spoiler]