My grandfather is in a coma or a coma like state or something, in the ICU in New Jersey in a “stable critical” state. I’m a little vague on the details since they all come third hand. I’ll try to find out more specifics.
He lives in New Jersey. His first wife, my grandmother, also lives in NJ and is there with him in the hospital. His sister flew up from Florida but may have to return soon because of work. His second wife is deceased, and there aren’t any other living relatives.
My mother, who lives in Florida, hasn’t spoken to him in 30 years but as his only child she is the next of kin. If the doctors insist she is responsible for making decisions about his medical care, can she defer this responsibility to someone else such as his sister or my grandmother? We don’t know if he has medical insurance, and if it turns out that he does not, will my mother end up being responsible for the bills?
First of all I am not a lawyer, and please don’t construe this as legal advice.
I do not believe his children are at all responsible for any of his bills, medical or otherwise. I base this on our experience when my father was terminally ill. There was never any expectation that my sister and I would legally have any financial responsibility. Had his money run out (which it nearly did) we would have had to go through applying for Medicaid on his behalf, which is a byzantine labyrinth of rules and regulations best answered by a Medicaid expert.
As far as medical decisions, it would have been nice if your grandfather had an advance health care directive and a legally-designated person to act as his agent. Hindsight is always 20/20, and if this is not the case little or nothing can be done now. I really don’t know whether the doctors in this case will take his first wife’s instruction on medical matters, or his sister’s or what. It might not be a bad idea to confer with a lawyer, and with the doctors, on what the various family members’ preferences are. Maybe (and this is just a WAG) it would be a good idea for the ones who can’t or don’t want to be involved to delegate this to one trusted person, and let the doctors know who that is. However, do be aware that if it comes down to life/death decisions, the giving or withholding of life-sustaining treatment or palliative care, it’s my impression that hospitals will choose the means that prolongs life rather than the contrary.
Our experience was that even when my father was in his final illness, without much hope of recovery, the hospital staff was reluctant to give enough pain-relieving meds because it could weaken him and/or be addicting. My sister and I carried with us the POA for health care and his health care directive at all times, and it came in handy more than once. Of course, there was no disconnect with what we knew his wishes to be and with what we believed was appropriate.
When my father died, any outstanding debts had to be paid out of his estate. Had that not been enough to cover them, the creditors would have simply been SOL according to the legal advice we were given at the time.
Laws differ from state to state. I’ve worked in critical care in 9 states. In none of them is anyone besides the patient himself legally able to make medical decisions without medical power of attorney.
When the patient is, like your grandfather, unable to communicate his wishes, the physician caring for the patient and a second physician may make the decisions. Out of courtesy, most will consult with any family members who wish to be involved.
Again, I can’t speak for NJ, I’ve never worked there.
I hope all goes well.