All in all, I think I prefer the relationship I had with my grandfathers. That is, none at all. One was dead before I was born, and the other was across an ocean and we never met.
Simpler, less conflicting.
What about you, Scylla? Would you rather an anonymous anscestor but lose out on the entirety of the relationship?
That was really touching, Scylla. My pops is losing it, and he was never particularly easy to get along with. Old age and senility is exacerbating the problem and it is a drain on my siblings. I’m going up to see him in a week. It’s a horrible way to spend the end of your life. I hope that I don’t suffer that fate.
This is for Scylla–I hope you take it in the spirit in which it’s intended…
talking about our generation
I hope your Grandpa truly is in a Matrix of good memories. Your love for him comes through.
That was cool as hell.
I’ve had my parents and grandparents all die beore I was 30 . Bitterly I’ve said to some of my friends at least I can’t decide what would be worse. Going through the grief of death or seeing someone become a healthy shell of what they used to be.
Isn’t it awesome? I came across it serendipitously today.
[hijack]
Having been a nurse for 20 years, I say the shell is much, much worse. This is just my opinion. I have told my kids repeatedly that if I stroke out or succumb to Alzeimer’s–make me DNR (I’ll do it myself once I am older-I’m only 44). If I end up on life support-terminate it. I have taken care of too many empty shells. A good death is a good thing.
Oh! What a very touching OP. Hell, there is getting to be a lot of Alzheimer’s about, it seems. A terrible thing. (And my mother has it now in the early stages. 
)
Terrific video, though.
bump so Scylla can see the video…
Sheesh . Roger Daltrey has seen better days, that’s for sure.
Scylla, that was gorgeous. Terribly sad yet beautifully written. I had to make my husband come over and read it too.
Scylla, a very touching post. Thank you for sharing.
For you that have dealt with this or are currently dealing with this, I am so sorry. I cannot even imagine…
My husband’s grandmother is failing under Alzheimer’s turned dementia. She lives in another state (northern CA), but there is family in the town where she lives so she can be watched over. She hasn’t been moved to a home yet, but probably will be soon. One of my husbands aunts live full time at grandmas house to take care of her.
He mind had already failed by the time we had started dating/got married, so I have never met her. I hear she was quite an interesting lady.
Scylla’s post was beautiful, but this… this made me cry.
I didn’t know my maternal grandfather really well, since he was in a nursing home my whole life until he died when I was about 16. He had suffered multiple strokes and couldn’t feed or dress or take care of himself at all. He did always know who we were, though, when we went to visit. I was a little scared of him, I think, but now that he’s gone and I read threads like this, I wish I hadn’t had been scared, and that I knew him better. It was so sad… he was a tall man, reduced in size in his wheel chair, long legs and arms from such a frail body. A smart man; a judge at the provincial level, served in the Canadian army during WWII (though non-fighting). Down to nothing.
My maternal grandmother is somewhat senile, and has trouble with short-term memory loss, but it isn’t Alzheimer’s and since she stopped drinking about 7 years ago, the progression of her senility has slowed considerably. A lot of the memory damage was caused by the alcohol. She remembers a lot though, and while she couldn’t tell you what she had for lunch (or even if she ate lunch) she’ll remember the important things, like my wedding day, and when my sister broke up with her ex, etc. Things that affected her emotionally will stick. She isn’t very ambulatory, due to two hip replacements, and then surgery to remove one since it became damaged, but she is in a home where she basically has an apartment and has someone come by a couple times a day to change sheets, give her her meds, etc. My parents live 2 minutes away, so they do groceries and laundry and handle her bills. My mom finds it tiring, but is very very grateful that she is still as independent as she is.
My paternal grandparents are both dead… Nana from cancer when I was about five, and my grandfather from a brain hemorrage when my dad was 12.
My other “grandfather” is my grandmother’s husband… 92, pack a day smoker, deaf as a doorknob, but otherwise healthy as a horse. Unfortunately for me, I don’t share his genes.
Sorry to make ya cry.
I just wanted to add that my G-Pa lived to be 104 years old. He was still driving at 98 and bowling at 100. Only in his last 6 months of life was where he began to “enter the Matrix”.
He was ready to go and it really was a blessing that he didn’t spend years in the land of confusion.
My thoughts go out to anyone that has to cope with a family member who is stuck in the Matrix for years and years and years.
.
Scylla, as a human being I would like to offer my sympathies and compassion for your situation.
As a reader, I would like to add that your OP rocks.
Yeah, it’s not the mumbling old people or the false cheer of the decor. It’s that smell. Even if everything is clean, it’s the smell. I pray to God I don’t die in the midst of that smell.
I’m sorry for your grandfather, and your family, Scylla. I remeber the previous thread you started about the conflicts over his racism.
Sic transit gloria mundi.
Regards,
Shodan
My husband has lost two grandmothers now, and they both went fairly quickly. The one grandfather that I knew spent a decade lost in the Matrix of Alzheimers, and I’m never sure how much I should tell people to be glad that their loved one went quickly. I truly believe that it is a blessing for someone who is ready to go to be able to go quickly and with as much dignity as they have left, instead of being a warehoused shell, but when you’ve just lost a loved one, maybe you don’t want to hear how good it is that they didn’t linger.
Which is worse - healthy mind and useless body, or gone mind and healthy body?
Scylla, I watched my grandmother waste away to senility. I can honestly say it was harder than watching parents die of cancer. The dementia seemed to briefly give you a chance to say “goodbye” during a lucid moment, but just as quick that moment was gone and you could never really be sure the message got through.
And may I say, one of your finest OPs. Good luck to you and your family. For whatever it’s worth.