Grandpa's version of St. Patricks Day

Cafe Society
1

This is kind of the story that Grandpa used to tell;
WHY ST. PATRICK’S DAY IS CELEBRATED EACH YEAR IN AMERICA

The reason the Irish celebrate St. Patrick’s Day is because this is when St.
Patrick drove the Norwegians out of Ireland.

It seems that some centuries ago, many Norwegians came to Ireland to escape
the bitterness of the Norwegian winter. Ireland was having a famine at the
time, and food was scarce. The Norwegians were eating almost all the fish
caught in the area, leaving the Irish with nothing to eat but potatoes. St.
Patrick, taking matters into his own hands, as most Irishmen do, decided the
Norwegians had to go.

Secretly, he organized the Irish IRATRION (Irish Republican Army to Rid
Ireland of Norwegians).

Irish members of IRATRION passed a law in Ireland that prohibited merchants
from selling ice boxes or ice to the Norwegians, in hopes that their fish
would spoil. This would force the Norwegians to flee to a colder climate
where their fish would keep.

Well, the fish spoiled, all right, but the Norwegians, as everyone knows
today, thrive on spoiled fish. So, faced with failure, the desperate
Irishmen sneaked into the Norwegian fish storage caves in the dead of night
and sprinkled the rotten fish with lye, hoping to poison the Norwegian
invaders.

But, as everyone knows, the Norwegians thought this only added to the flavor
of the fish, and they liked it so much they decided to call it ‘lutefisk’,
which is Norwegian for ‘luscious fish’. Matters became even worse for the
Irishmen when the Norwegians started taking over the Irish potato crop and
making something called ‘lefse’.

Poor St. Patrick was at his wit’s end, and finally on March 17th, he blew
his top and told all the Norwegians to ‘GO TO HELL’.

So they all got in their boats and emigrated to Minnesota, the only other
place on earth where smelly fish, old potatoes and plenty of cold weather
can be found in abundance.

2

Heheh. Did your grandfather tell this only as entertainment, or is it one of those tales that you tell you tell to young children pretending they are really true? If the latter, I can imagine a great deal of :smack: every time a grandchild or great niece/nephew grew old enough to realise they’d been had.

And St. Patrick was from Scotland anyway. ( Or not, of course. :slight_smile: )

3

So, being from Minnesota, I must ask…

What’s yer point?

(Although I must agree that lutefisk is vile. Lefse, OTOH, is manna)

4

Actually, he was from an area that didn’t become Scotland until hundreds of years later. Patrick was a Romanized Celtic inhabitant of Britain. Those people were eventually pushed into the western part of the isle (i.e., Wales) years later by the invading Angles, Saxons, and Jutes.

Around 400 A.D., the Irish were called “Scots” and Ireland was called “Scotland” by the Romans. Years later, after the “Scots” invaded northern Britain and intermingled with the native Pictish population, the land became Scotland while the former Scotland and its inhabitants were redubbed Ireland (or Eire) and the Irish.

And the OP’s story is a lot more amusing if you imagine it being told by Grandpa Simpson to a bored Homer, Marge, Bart, and Lisa. (“And they used to tie a potato around their belts, which was the style at the time.”)

5

Three Englishmen are sitting in a pub in London, and happen to notice an Irishman sitting by himself, nursing a glass of whiskey and reading a book. One of the Englishmen says to his mates, “Hey, let’s see if we can’t piss off that Irishman!”

He strolls over to the Irishman’s table and announces, “Say, I hear your St. Patrick was a sissy!”

The Irishman calmly replies, “Really? I wasn’t aware of that. Thank you for letting me know!” and turns back to his book.

Steamed, the Englishman sulks back to his table. The second Englishman says, “Ah, you didn’t do it right! Watch this!” He proudly struts over to the Irishman and loudly says, “I hear your St. Patrick was a poofter!”

Again the Irishman sedately replies, “I had no idea! Thank you for telling me!” and goes back to reading.

When the discouraged Englishman returns to his table and slumps into his chair, the third Englishman laughs. “Amateurs! You blokes are rank amateurs! Watch and learn!” With that he saunters over to the Irishman and sneers, “I hear your St. Patrick was … English!”

The Irishman looks up and says, “Yes, that’s what your friends were telling me.”

6

There really isn’t any,i just thought someone would like to know :stuck_out_tongue:

What dose your being from Minnesota have to do with it?

Thats where I am from, But i can’t figure out how to add Mn in the location tab.
But i am just a Dumb German.