I don’t know if there’s a length requirement for qualifying as a monologue, but here’s one of my faves:
Roy Batty’s “Tears In Rain.” (Blade Runner)
And inaccurate as it may be, I think the “Indianapolis” sequence is an amazing scene in an otherwise shallow movie.
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A short but great one: “An ear full of cider.”
I can’t quote this verbatim, and it isn’t on YouTube that I can find, but in an obscure 1968 movie, Bye Bye Braverman, George Segal had a one-shot monologue where he attempts to update all the gravestones in an enormous NY cemetery on what’s happened to the world since their demise.
We see him starting in the distance, slowly threading his way diagonally thru the headstones, talking to each one, as he approaches the camera, and we hear every word. “Hats are very big now. Blacks and whites can finally live together, but violence hasn’t been eliminated. We’re going to the moon! But we still don’t have a cure for cancer. Or television…”
The author is Wallace Markfield, from his book, To an early grave.
The Witches of Eastwick Jack as the devil addressing a congregation.
Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. “Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: “We will not go quietly into the night!” We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!
“It really ain’t the place nor time to reel off rhyming diction / but yet we’ll write a final rhyme while waiting crucifixion. For we bequeath a parting tip of sound advice for such men / who come in transport ships to polish off the Dutchman. If you encounter any Boers, you really must not loot 'em / and if you wish to leave these shores, for pity’s sake, don’t shoot 'em. / Let’s toss a bumper down our throat before we pass to Heaven / and toast a trim-set petticoat we leave behind in Devon.”
“We are gathered here today to pay final respects to our honored dead. But it should be noted that this death takes place in the shadow of new life, the sunrise of a new world; a world that our beloved comrade gave his life to protect and nourish. He did not feel this sacrifice a vain or empty one, and we will not debate his profound wisdom at these proceedings. Of my friend, I can only say this: of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most… human.”
“And what are you? So full of hate you want to go out and fight everybody! Because you’ve been whipped and chased by hounds. Well, that might not be living, but it sure as hell ain’t dying. And dying’s been what these white boys have been doing for going on three years now! Dying by the thousands! Dying for you, fool! I know, ‘cause I dug the graves. And all this time I keep askin’ myself, when, O Lord, when it’s gonna be our time? Gonna come a time when we all gonna hafta ante up. Ante up and kick in like men. LIKE MEN! You watch who you call a nigger! If there’s any niggers around here, it’s YOU. Just a smart-mouthed, stupid-ass, swamp-runnin’ nigger! And if you not careful, that’s all you ever gonna be!”
“When I was a boy, younger than Tadgh there, my brothers and sisters had to leave the land, because it couldn’t support them. We wasn’t rich enough to be priests or doctors, so it was the emigrant ship for all of them. I were the eldest, the heir. I were the only one left at home. Neighbours were scarce. So my father and I, we had our breakfast, dinner, and tea, working in that field without a break in our work. And my mother brought us the meals. One day, one day my father sensed a drop of rain in the air and my mother helped us bring in the hay before it was too late. She was working one corner of the field, and I was working in the other. About the third day, I saw her fall back, keel over so to speak. I called my father, I run to her. My father kneeled beside her. He knew she… he knew she was dying. He said an act of contrition into her ear and he asked God to forgive her her sins. And he looked at me, and he said, “Fetch a priest.” Fetch a priest… And I said, “Let’s - let’s bring the hay in first. Let’s bring the hay in first.” My father looked at me with tears of pride in his eyes. He knew I’d take care of the land. And if you think I’m gonna face my mother in Heaven or in Hell without that field, you’ve got something else coming. No collar, uniform, or weapon will protect the man that stands in my way.”
*The Field * - One of the best movies out there no one has ever seen.
There’s always the opening monologue from Patton.
Mine were the driest eyes in the house at the end of that monologue, because NOTHING in that movie made sense.
The argument is, Samuel L. Jackson HAD to kill those rednecks, because black people can’t possibly get justice from a white jury in the South..
Except that the Southern white jury acquitted Jackson, which means a black man CAN get justice from a white jury… which means there WASN’T any justification for what he did!
On top of the, the local sheriff is a black man played byCharles Duttton. So… we’re supposed to believe the white folks in this town are so racist that they’d let two white renecks rape a black child, but not so racist that they’d object to a black sheriff.
Huh?
I’m partial to Jack Woltz’s speech about why Johnny Fontane never gets that movie from The Godfather. Can’t find a video of it, and the raw text doesn’t do it justice. Perfect delivery.
“Johnny” (played by R. De Niro) in Mean Streets – the one, “down on Hester Street, Joey Clams,” etc. I knew that one by heart at twelve, for some reason.
“Gettysburg” has a few, but my favorite is this from Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:
“This is a different kind of army. If you look at history you’ll see men fight for pay, or women, or some other kind of loot. They fight for land, or because a king makes them, or just because they like killing. But we’re here for something new. This has not happened much, in the history of the world: We are an army out to set other men free. America should be free ground, all of it, from here to the Pacific Ocean. No man has to bow, no man born to royalty. Here we judge you by what you do, not by who your father was. Here you can be something. Here is the place to build a home. But it’s not the land. There’s always more land. It’s the idea that we all have value, you and me. What we’re fighting for, in the end… we’re fighting for each other. Sorry. Didn’t mean to preach.”
"You stupid fucking cunt. You, Williamson. I’m talking to you, shithead. You just cost me six thousand dollars. Six thousand dollars, and one cadillac. That’s right. What are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about it, asshole? You fucking shit. Where did you learn your TRADE, you stupid fucking cunt? You idiot. Whoever told you you could work with men? Ooh, I’m gonna have your job shithead. I’m gonna go downtown, I’m gonna talk to Mitch and Murray. I’m going, to LIMKIN! I don’t care whose nephew you are, who you know, whose dick you’re sucking on, you’re going out. I swear to you!
Anyone in this office lives on his wits. What you’re hired for, is to help us. Does that seem clear us. To help us. Not to fuck us up. To help men who are going out there to try and earn a living. You fairy. You company man. I’ll tell ya something else, I hope it was you who ripped the joint off. I can tell our friend here a little something might him help to catch you.
You wanna learn the first rule? You’d know if you spent a day in your life…You never open your mouth, until you know what the shot is. You fucking child."
- Al Pacino, Glengarry Glen Ross.
Two from Animal House:
Bluto:
What? Over? Did you say “over”? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
And it ain’t over now. ‘Cause when the goin’ gets tough…
(thinks hard of something to say)
The tough get goin’! Who’s with me? Let’s go!
(runs out, alone; then returns)
What the fuck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where’s the spirit? Where’s the guts, huh? This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you’re gonna let it be the worst. “Ooh, we’re afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble.” Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I’m not gonna take this. Wormer, he’s a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer…
Otter:
But you can’t hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn’t we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn’t this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg - isn’t this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we’re not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!
Harry Lime’s monologue from The Third Man comparing Switzerland to Italy under the Borgias.
I totally disagree with his stance, but I still play this for my American Government classes every year.
Michael Douglas nails it.
Billie Burke’s “The Ferncliffes aren’t coming to dinner!” aria from Dinner at Eight: - YouTube
Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry.
~ Crash Davis in “Bull Durham”
~Annie Savoy also in “Bull Durham”