2 from the British TV show Chef:
Gareth’s wife, Janet has just left him.
Everton visits, to try to comfort Gareth.
Everton: ‘Women, eh? Can’t live with em…can’t even meet them, actually…’
Gareth convinces Janet to meet him, so he can try to convince her to come back. She hands him her solicitor’s blueprint for the divorce settlement. Everything’s split 50/50.
Gareth: ‘I’m surprised you didn’t ask for one of my …’
Janet: ‘If they were of any use to me, Gareth, I would have.’
Sorry, just watched that episode, and those lines stuck.
‘They couldn’t hit an Elephant from this dist…!’
Last words of General John Sedgwick