I was having a bit of a debate with my 7 year old earlier tonight who said he loves me around the world 17,000 times which he believes is very clearly more than I love him (to Jupiter and back).
This being the Straight Dope, I figured somebody here must know how to figure out which is farther.
IANAA, but:
17000 times around the earth is about 423 million miles. From earth to Jupiter and back varies depending where they are in their respective orbits, but Jupiter is 5.2 AU from the sun, and earth is 1 AU, so I suppose the closest they could be is about 4.2 AU, or 390 million miles, for a round trip of 780 million miles.
Circumference of Earth - 40000km x 17000 = 680 million km
Minimum distance to Jupiter (that is, Jupiter at perihelion and Earth directly between it and the Sun) - 590 million km x 2 = 1180 million km
Of course, usually Jupiter is further away than that, up to a maximum of around 950 million km.
Your son doesn’t love you as much as you love him.
Heh. Thanks to you both.
Interesting, though, that the two numbers are as close as they are. If Silver Fire loved her son just out as far as Jupiter, one-way, then which one loved the other more would vary over the course of a year.
If you assume that Jupiter is about 5.2 AU away on average then a round trip would be 1,560,000,000 Km. Your loves would be equal if he loved you exactly 39,000 times around the Earth.
Actually, I added the “… and back” as an after-thought because just going out there didn’t seem far enough for a sure win and he was already arguing with me at that point because the first thing I said was that I love him all the way to the next county “but walking, not driving, so it feels farther.” 
dtilque, I’ll let him know that and see if he’ll agree to love me that much. He’ll probably up it to 40,000 times just to get the edge.
Currently, by the way, Jupiter is 4.131 AU away, which is fifteen and a half thousand times around the Earth. Is it possible that, after you told him how much you loved him, he looked it up, rounded up, and added an extra thousand times around for good measure?
Let him think he loves you more; that way you can threaten to leave him if he doesn’t behave.
And then when he’s a little older, you can terrify him by threatening to never leave him.
Or alternatively, that his love for you exceeds his current knowledge of planetary astronomy.
I like that answer. 
Oh yeah? Well when I was 7, I loved my mom all the trees in the world. So who loved their mom more, me or Silver Fire’s kid?
Clearly Silver Fire’s kid, because he’s not trying to use up the Earth’s trees.
Tell him you love him to a z of 10 and back. That’s the most distant galaxy we’ve found so far.
I know, I know, it’s my fault if all of this gets him interested in astronomy, and he decides to become an astronomer instead of doing something lucrative…
No, no, no. Stick to pure mathematics, that gives you far more impressive results. Tell him you love him as much as Graham’s number:
Me: “You have to love me 39,000 times around the world to equal love to Jupiter and back.”
Him: “Oh.”
Me: “…”
Him: “What if I just love you infinity around the world?”
Hey, works for me.
… and just one month ago, it was 4.50 AU away. Did your son do something to make you love him less? His love for you has not changed.
Well, he is a seven year old… 
Wait, if all the matter in the universe is turned into paper then where did you (I’m assuming you’ve evolved into an energy based being) get a pen? You stole my pen, didn’t you?