From my own thread: “I want rustlers, cutthroats, murders, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con-men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglars, horse thieves, bull-dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, and Methodists!”
Chico: “The garbage man is here.”
Groucho: “Well, tell him we don’t want any.”
“What crimes did you commit?”
“Rape, murder, cattle rustlin’, and rape.”
“Wait, you said rape twice.”
“I like rape.”
“You told her I was a virgin?”
“A girl likes a challenge.”
“You told her I was gay!”
“A bigger challenge.”
“No, we’re not gay, but we are willing to learn.”
“It’s 130 miles to Chicago. We’ve got a quarter tank of gas and a half a pack of cigarettes. It’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses.”
“Hit it.”
Each of these movies has at least 10 other punchlines that can be substituted, and I wouldn’t argue with any of them.
Airplane I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley
Some Like It Hot Nobody’s perfect.
Animal House …And that foot is me!
Stripes We’re not gay, but we’re willing to learn
Monty Python and the Holy Grail Run away! Run away!
A League of Their Own “Don’t get the clap.” Signed, Jimmy Dugan.
“I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.”
Awesome and very dangerous quote.
“People like blood sausage too. People are morons.”
from Groundhog Day…not only funny (to me at least), but a fundamental truth about life…
Jeff Goldblum’s bit in Annie Hall: “I forgot my mantra.”
Big Swedish guy in Fargo: “I need unguent.”
From The Ladykillers (the remake):
“Allow me to introduce myself. I am Professor G.H. Dorr, Ph.D.”
“Like Elmer?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Fudd!”
“Ah, no, Ph.D., as in Doctor of Philosophy.”
“I’ll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash you got.”
“Well, not unless round is funny.”
“Hi, you’re young, you got your health, what do you want with a job?”
“Gov’ment do take a bite, don’t she?”
“Son, you got a panty on your head.”
“Well, OK, then.”
“Make up yer mind, young feller. If I freeze, I can’t rightly drop to the floor. Whereas, if I drop, I’ll be in motion.”
Regards,
Shodan
“It’s 106 miles to Chicago. We’v got a** full ** tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses. Hit it!”
Sorry, but you’re going to quote, you have to get it right.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Nice shootin’, Tex!”
“She’s not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she’s a client and because she sleeps above her covers… four feet above her covers.”
“But Delta’s already on probation.”
“They are? Well, as of this moment, they’re on DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION!”
"He’ll keep calling me, he’ll keep calling me until I come over. He’ll make me feel guilty. This is uh… This is ridiculous, ok I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go. What - I’LL GO. Shit. "
"Oh, he’s very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he’s a righteous dude. "
“Who’s that then?”
“I dunno, must be a king.”
“Why?”
“He hasn’t got shit all over him.”
“If she were a president she would be Baberaham Lincoln.”
“Why don’t we take your car?”
“You’re drinkin’ it.”
“You sold your car to throw a party?”
“You can’t fool me. There ain’t no sanity clause!”
I’ll leave it at that so as to not cut and paste the entire scene. 
“Either it’s foggy out, or make that a dozen hard boiled eggs.”
“What is this? A school for ants? It needs to be at least… THREE times bigger!”
“those aren’t pillows…”
Obey my dog!
Ok, so…she’s a dog.