I started writing this as a reply for another thread but now that its done, I thought it was good enough for it’s own.
Enjoy.
I do not like the Speedo suit
For my disdain is quite acute
Yet you insist on a dispute
For this your claims I will refute
I did not like it as a child
It seemed a bit too poorly styled
I’m not a heathen running wild
And my complaints will soon be filed
What are you thinking, is it pride
Why your kit you do not hide
I’ve seen enough of your backside
Were this my house you’d be denied
Who do you seek, to excite
It’s not like you’re some shining knight
More a strain on my eysight
And for this sir I do indict
You say a Speedo I should wear
For the purpose to compare
This suit I wear has grown threadbare
You think I need some new sportwear
Well let me ask you if I may
What if they should think I’m gay
I’m not about to do ballet
And this I wish, to convey
I would not wear it in a boat
I would not wear it for a goat
I should not wear it when I float
I could not wear it when I bloat
My boys you see they cannot bear
That thing would hurt to that I swear
For your concern I do not care
That suit is worse than underwear
I would not wear it 'neath a tree
I would not wear it after tea
I should not wear it I’m too meek
I could not wear it in a week
Now if you please I’m not a swan
It’s a girly thing (without chiffon)
I could not should not put that on
I would not dare that she could yawn
I would not wear it in a car
I would not wear it in a bar
I should not wear it near and far
I could not wear it, too bizarre
But why you ask, it’s not a thong
And my reply, it’s just plain wrong
I’m not about to show my dong
Not after ten hits from a bong
I would not wear it to a dance
I would not wear it under pants
I should not wear it in advance
I could not wear it even in France
I would not wear it in July
Oh me oh my I would not try
So you see this would imply
Not I, not ever, in a pig’s eye
I would not wear it as you advise
I would not wear it for a prize
I should not wear it as it dries
I could not wear it as disguise
I would not wear it on a date
This is not open for debate
It’s not the way I find a mate
Now once again I must restate
Just take it back it’s not that great
I would not wear it on a trip
I would not wear it on a ship
I should not wear it as I strip
I could not wear it on my hip
I saw one worn by some poor duck
To me he looked just like a schmuck
The girls it’s true were quite awestruck
I only wanted to upchuck
I would not wear it near a bay
I would not wear it for a day
I should not wear it anyway
I could not wear it, no way
This suit it seems is seen by some
A fashion sign of things to come
And what if I at last succumb
My boys I fear would grow quite numb
I would not wear it for a girl
I would not wear it for an Earl
I should not wear it as I twirl
For if I did some folks could hurl
Now you may do as you see fit
Although a crime you may commit
Your choices there I will acquit
If you’ll but try to hide your kit
I do not like it not one bit
I would not wear it in a race
I would not wear it just in case
I should not wear it with some lace
I could not wear it playing bass
If I wore that, I would run
For I abhor it quite a ton
And if you see it on my bun
Kindly shoot me with a gun
I would not wear it just to try
I would not wear it to defy
I should not wear it 'cause I’m shy
I could not wear it for a guy
Would you could you please desist
Forevermore I will resist
Please go away I must insist
Should you persist you’ll meet my fist
I would not wear it to a game
I would not wear it for the fame
I should not wear it to inflame
I could not wear it all the same
Now I have told you how I feel
Take off that thing your boys will heal
I’ve got some trunks that are for real
To help you out I’ll make a deal
You should not wear it to a lake
You should not wear it when you bake
You should not wear it when you rake
You should not wear it for Pete’s sake
I don’t know more that I can say
This may not help you anyway
I don’t ask that you obey
Although I’m hopeful that you may
I must be off, I’ve got a plan
I’m telling you I’ve got to scram
I’ll soon be happy as a clam
I’ve learned to like green eggs and ham
And now you know… My name is Sam
But Sam! you say. You’ve learned to change
Perhaps those trunks you’ll now exchange
I’ve TOLD you sir, NOW GET DOWNRANGE
That, for your life, I will arrange
SAM I AM!
- Mike Showell 8/13/03 for the SDMB
