Grilled Cheese Sammich Heretics: Repent and Rejoin Decent Society!

In My Humble Opinion
21

Your Holiness, how does American cheese differ from “processed ‘Cheeze-food-product’”? Is this some post-9/11, pseudo-patriotic thing in which we can use any breed of cheese we wish as long as it was made in the USA? Or does this exclude any cheese of foreign ancestry, leaving us with with only cheeses made with Native American microbes, like Liederkranz, a grilled sammich of which would be really nasty if you could find some which you can’t cuz it’s extinct?

You know, when you start a religion you have to expect a few seemingly stupid questions as people sort out the theology.

22

My son, they differ in that one is food (made of milk and bacteria an’ everything) and the other is plastic. American Cheese is real, honest-to-gosh type of cheese, aged and molded just like Colby or Provolone. It has been imperfectly duplicated (like Bizarro is an imperfect duplicate of Superman) as “processed American Cheeze-food-like product.”, but all they share is the name. The color isn’t even the same. American cheeze-like product is hunter’s “don’t shoot me!” orange. Real American Cheese is a lighter yellow-orange. The true American Cheese is hard to find, but if you can, it’s bliss.

There’s a link to cheese.com upthread a ways where you can read more about this mild cheddar/colby - like cheese.

But again, as long as it’s real cheese, you’re free to choose the cheese of your choice. The Grilled Cheese Sammich knows no borders or countries. While slightly deviant from the pure Grilled Cheese Sammich, one of Arch-Bishop Fenris’s favorite sammiches is: Thin slices of italian bread, a bit of gorgonzola, a sprinkle of pepper. Then “grill” in Olive Oil. Wonderful.

Arch-Bishop Fenris

23

I only smoosh a little bit. And I add tomato (in season). Does that mean I’m going to purgatory?

Much as I hate to admit it Fenris is right. :wink: 'Murkin cheese is the only way to go. And if it’s what you get sliced off of a block in the deli department or the lunchmeat store it’s real cheese. That prewrapped stuff you get in the dairy case ain’t cheese, folks. Only God (and maybe Unca Cecil) know what it is. But it ain’t cheese.

Zap!

24

Any grilled cheese sandwich is an abomination. And there is a special place in hell for American cheese. Even the best of it is tasteless glop.

25

But… but… what if you squoosh the sammich at the eater’s request?

Who’s going to hell - the maker or the eater?

For my personal grilled cheese sammich - Health Nut bread with colby cheese with Brummel & Brown spread. Non-squooshed.
The mayo sounds intriguing, as does the onion.

Sigh - 45 min til lunch…

Dare I ask about the doctrine on fried PBJ sammiches?

26

So,
I read this thread - and then last night I had grilled cheese and buttered both sides of the bread (I’d never squished, but I had always been content with just buttering the outside of the bread.)

Wow.

Fenris, I have never before fully appreciated your genius. My arteries may never recover, but I don’t think I care.

27

If you squish or press it, it stops being a grilled cheese sammich and becomes something akin to a panini, right? Mmmmmm, panini…

[nitpick]
And what’s a Jack Chick episode without…
HAW HAW HAW!
[/nitpick]

28

::copying my post from the temp board::
You’re preaching to the choir, Brother Fenris!

I am, however, a Dipper Disciple.
I will only partake of the Holy Grilled Cheese Sammich (non-smooshed, with Kraft Ammerican) with a bowl of the Eternal Life-Giving Campbell’s Tomato Soup.
Dip the Sammich in the hot soup, bite and enjoy, while mumbling the prayer, “Mmmm, yummy, yummy, yummy”.
Repeat until the Sammich is all gone, and you are left with a bowl of soup and bread crumbs. This is the Elixir of Life. Finish the Soup, wipe your chin on your sleeve, and give thanks to the Cheese and Tomato Gods.

If you eat this kind of sammich very quietly, you can actually hear your arteries slamming shut. :wink:

29

Oh, the unabashed joy that is a good grilled cheese sandwich.

I grew up eating grilled cheese sandwiches whenever my dad went out of town. My mom would heat up the can o’ Campbell’s soup, and make grilled cheese sandwiches. And she would smoosh the hell out of them.

When I moved into my first apartment, my roomie and I lived off of ramen noodles and grilled cheese. (Well, once I could afford to buy a pan to cook them in.) We would buy the biggest hunk of Kraft singles, go to the day-old bread store and get a loaf of bread for 50 cents, and go home and cook. Since I learned the art of grilled cheese from my mom, we would smoosh the hell out of them, and end up eating 2 each, since they were so small.

When the SO and I lived together, he threw random things into my grilled cheese sandwiches. This was unacceptable, as it was often poor quality thin-sliced ham or turkey. (The most disgusting kind, which came in little packs for 89 cents. Vile, I say! He has since learned.) This was also when I learned to use the pan to flip the sandwich. It took me several tries (and several sandwiches) to get the flip down, but I am now a master of the perfect sandwich flip. No spatula for me, so no more smooshing. Ever.

Now, I live alone, for a little while longer. And I make enough money to make fairly decent meals, with the occasional nice dinner. But it always comes back to a grilled cheese sandwich. (Un-smooshed, for some reason it makes them taste better.) The perfect comfort food. Two slices of fresh white bread (Merita makes the best, in my opinion), 2 slices of Kraft sliced American cheese, Duke’s Mayo, and just a little butter on the outside. (A big :stuck_out_tongue: to those who dare call my Kraft Singles non-cheese.) The SO likes to make his grilled cheese with Velveeta, which he invariably cuts way too thick, and I end up with cheese droppings all over the plate.

Great. Thanks, Fenris. Now I have to go to the store and pick up the fixings for some sandwiches tonight.

30

Oh my dear SDMB Church of the Grilled Cheese Sammich bretheren. You are being led down the proverbial primrose path!

The only correct way to make a grilled cheese sammich is to smoosh it. Additionally, butter must be placed on both sides of the bread, and the bread must be placed in a frying pan, also with a bit of butter. The number of the sammich shall be two, not one, which is not enough, nor three which is too much, but two sammiches.

Said sammiches must be served with Campbell’s Tomato soup or Campbell’s Vegetable Beef soup. Cartoons must be viewed during the ritual eating of the sammich, and hands must be wiped on your pants after consumption of said sammich.
Anyone eat the “Cuban” sammiches from the Publix deli? Those, too, must be smooshed.

31

In honor of this thread, guess what I just had for dinner?
That’s right, 2 grilled cheese sammiches (unsmushed, thankyouverymush) and cream of tomato soup.
It was yuuuuuuuumy.

32

Well props to Fenris for his Unitarian Cheesiversalist comandments. I will follow them religiously. :cool:

And about The Grilled Cheese. I don’t think there is a right or wrong way. As long as you like what you’re eating, and it has cheese, go for it. Enjoy!

Personally i don’t do a squoosh, I like bread as much as I like cheese, and I don’t like having squished bread. Presentation is important too. I also love tomatoes, and in season I’ll drop a slice or two in the sandwich. I have done the microwave thing, I’ll toast a slice of bread, put my tomato slices on, then the cheese slices on, then some basil, micro for about 13 seconds, then drop the other piece of toast on and eat it like that, when I’m watching my calories or in a hurry. A little mayo on one side never hurts.

And last but not least, my fav cheeses??? Anything that doesn’t come in individually plastic wrapped slices is fine. That stuff in plastic, is not cheese-it’s an abomination! (I prefer Monterrey Jack, followed by a mild colby and then a pepper jack, and have been known to combine them on occasion! ) Was it DeGaulle that said ‘How can you unite a country that has over 400 cheeses!’ So many cheeses, so little time…

Now go forth, slice and grill! :slight_smile:

33

Politzania made a comment as to the sanctity of grilled PBJ’s. I am also awaiting the answer with bated breath.

These are one of my enduring favorites from childhood, along with egg in a hole made with good cheap bread and lots of butter so it gets all nice and crispy and the hole gets fried in butter too and served alongside so you can dip it into the yolk and…drooooooollllllll:)

Oh and what about proscribed beverages? I believe ice cold milk is almost a requirement, so cold it has ice crystals in it. Powdered milk drinkers shall be cast into the nether regions of hell of course where they belong, those imbibers of Satans’ freeze dried semen!

34

Chuck: Would I be correct in guessing that you don’t like Colby either? It’s remarkably similar to “real” American Cheese (though a little milder).

And not liking Grilled Cheese Sammiches? :eek: Get thee hence, blasphemer! :wink:

Politzania, I will answer your moral quandry with a parable. A man, an eeeee-vil, wicked man wanted to kill his grandfather, a veteran of World War II (who’d spent his entire life doing nothing but good works). The eeeee-vil man didn’t want to get his hands dirty by committing the murder, so he hired another person to kill the saintly old grandfather.

Both the eeeee-vil man who paid for the murder and the hit-person are both wicked in the eyes of God and Man.

As for Fried PB&Js, as long as you use real peanut butter (look at the ingredients: does it have anything other than peanuts and (sometimes) salt? If it does, it’s not real peanut butter: it’s peanut-butter-like-substance), you may let your conscience be your guide. But I wouldn’t Smoosh 'em, if only because it’d be messy.

Bibliocat: And it says in the good (cook)book “Praise be to those who are the Dippers and Dunkers”, so you’re clearly in the right!

amarinth: Praise be! A CONVERT!

Amidar: Panninis are (IIRC) unbuttered, so they don’t count as Grilled Cheese. The sin of Squooshing (which removes all the butter) doesn’t apply. Probably. I’ll have to convene a Sammich Synod and get back to you.

Lyllyan: “Cuban” sammiches must be Squooshed. It’s in their nature to be Squooshed. Grilled Cheese must never be. Turn back from the side of naughtiness!

Big Cheese: It was Quadop who made the heretical Unitarian Cheesiversalist post. And for your “no right or wrong way [to make a Grilled Cheese Sammich]” comments, I can simply respond “Heretic”

MikeG: The bread with the egg in the hole (that has 50 billion names, none of which I can remember), is, in fact not only Blessed, but Yummy good too.

Milk goes well with Grilled Cheese Sammiches, but so does ginger-ale and root beer. I can’t think, off hand, of an actual forbidden beverage. I’ll ponder it.

Arch-Bishop Fenris of the Church of the Grilled Cheese Sammich Trimuphant!

35

Mmmm, I missed these yummy food discussions. I know what I’m gonna get when I get home.

In the great Church of Cheese, I’m a traditionalist. No smooshing, no mayonaisse, except for these differences:

  1. I don’t butter the bread. Instead, I melt a lot of butter in the pan and use that to coat the slices. Otherwise, I have to take the butter out of the fridge early to let it soften, or risk scraping bits of cold-hard dairy fat on the tender slices.

  2. I don’t eat mine with tomato soup, but lots of ketchup. I also tend to cut the cheese into generous proportions. Nothing like swirling the sandwich in the ketchup with cheese goo dripping from between the folds.

As for cheese, a good solid chedder is what I recommend, although after my move to Pennsylvania, the cheese dealer at the local Giant turned us on to Double Gloucester, which is American with more character to it.

Velveeta, of course, is right out!

36

Feh.

You wanna talk about heretical fiends, let’s discuss the lost souls who put ketchup on their hot dogs.

Why, they are leading our progeny to the very depths of Hell when they allow young children to view - let alone partake in - the despoiling of a length of ground meat product with anything other than mustard. (Well, OK. Kraut, onions, relish and chili are allowed within certain circumstances.)

37

Sweetie.
Honey.
Darling.

You’ve never worked in a deli, have you? Wanna know what’s in a hot dog?

I worked in a deli for years, and neither me nor my coworkers have ever been able to accurately find out. We assume it’s just one of those things you really don’t want to know. Heck, I don’t think even the meat processors are quite sure.

The possibility of ‘despoiling’ your hot dog is the least of your worries.

38

Oh, I’m well aware of the mysteries of the modern hot dog. But I laugh in the face of E. coli. I look upon the consumption of a hot dog, as a courageous Japenese diner looks upon a plate of fugu. The adventure is in the danger.

But ketchup? I cannot abide it.

39

I squoosh 'em.

And you know what else? Sometimes, when I’m feeling particularly heretical, I put Spam on 'em. Or even fatty tinned corned beef. And too much salt.

Yougoddaproblemwiddatsukka?

:smiley: