Gross so much, yet nets too little...

Hello dopers I am looking for a little practical financial advice to give to my brother.

Here it goes. It was your classic tale of gullible guy meets manipulative gal. They get married, she treats him bad and scams him on all of the finances, thus ruining his credit. He leaves her and they get divorced. He gets stuck with alimony and child support payments that leave him with a paycheck that is far less than minimum wage, for the next four years.

He is a hard working honest man that is struggling to make it from check to check and provide a stable environment for his kids when he has them. His rent is lower than average for NJ but still about $100 less than his monthly income. He grosses way too much (and has too much pride) to get any public assistance like wellfare or food stamps. He nets way too little to afford anything. Is there anything he can do to better his living situation? He is concerned about being a failure and a burden on me or the rest of the family, despite the fact that we have no problem with helping him through his tough time.

That is a fairly common divorce scenario for a man and it does indeed suck. Does he have any extra time to do some extra work on the side (preferably under the table)? When you only have $100 a month above your rent, it wouldn’t take much multiply your free cash many times over if you have any valuable skills.

Free time not so much, he works in the trucking industry. He’s hourly and he already works a bunch of overtime, as much as they will allow him. He’s a handy guy and he fixes things on the side when there is work and when he has time.

Yeah it does suck, I don’t see him as much as I’d like because he’s always at work.

I guess I was wondering if there were any programs that help people out based on their net income, affordable housing or anything like that. Between our father and I, I know we can help him get a down payment together if any program like that actually exists.

Not really. There are programs for just about every other imaginable category but not for healthy males with decent jobs no matter who little they get from it themselves. That is the group you don’t want to be in that situation. It is family help, work 24 hours a day to survive, or do something illegal to make money. That is just the way the family court system sentences males that commit the crime of marrying a person that later changes.

He could look up private charities like food shelters run by non-profits or churches. They often don’t have any requirements other than stated need but he may be too proud for that. It will free up some money for other necessities however. I don’t see how he can come anywhere close to living on $100 a month though especially in the Northeast. That is only about $3 a day and off by about a factor of ten and even that is cutting it way too close for comfort.

Could he consider a roommate? New Jersey is an expensive state, and few low-income adults can afford to live in an apartment on their own.

There are no programs for healthy females with decent jobs, either.

Shagnasty that’s exactaly the problem. Without our help he would be living in a van down by the river. He can’t afford to keep up his lifestyle even as meager as it is. My girl and I help with food. small expenses and my dad gives him a lot of money on bills. The court system doesn’t care and he always cheaps out on himself trying to stand on his own. He’s eaten potatoes for weeks at a time just so he could feed his kids and not show them that he’s struggling. He’s been bartering computer services for things like clothes washing from coworkers that’s he close to. He’s very upset but he tells me that he’s not going to let her break him.

If he is paying anywhere near average rent in NJ, then rent is taking up the majority of his income. Luckily, this is one of the most affordable expense to cut down. There are plenty of options, including taking in a roommate, renting a room in a group house, renting a room in a private family home, renting an in-law apartment, downsizing to a studio, etc. In high rent areas, it’s not uncommon even among adults. I live in DC among a very professional set, and all of the single people I know are in some kind of shared housing arrangement. It’s just too expensive to be dropping 1k + on rent every month. Grown up group houses can be quite nice- real furniture, lots of good common spaces, etc. If he is in a one-bedroom, he should be able to save around $300-$500 a month this way.

If he is on the road frequently, he may be able to find a good arrangement. I know a few people with high-travel jobs who share apartments, and often their schedules work out so that they usually have the place to themselves when they are home.

To be fair, if he has kids who stay over a couple nights a week, this is a little more complicated: for one thing, potential roommates may not want kids over. For another, he or his ex-wife may not feel comfortable with the kids sharing the house with relative strangers. That said, I agree that if rent is taking up 95% of his income each month, he’s got to find a way to lower it. But he has fewer options than a young professional. Moving in with family would most likely be his best option.

IIRC from my days as a welfare caseworker, child support obligations (and alimony too, I think) are deducted when they consider your gross income for Food Stamps. If he’s court ordered to pay for health insurance for the kids, that’s another deduction. If he has shared custody AND she’s not drawing benefits for them herself, he can probably claim them in his case. (When I was a caseworker I had some couples that were civil enough to sit down and crunch the numbers and figure out which parent claiming them brought in the most FS because they figured the more FS, the more the kids benefited. Since the FS program at the time didn’t care as long as the kids were in only ONE case, I thought this was a pretty practical thing to do.)

Your brother needs to ditch the pride and apply. Programs like FS are for people like him in a jam, it’s stupid not to take help if it’s available. He probably won’t get much per month at all but it’s better than nothing.

There ARE indeed people who live off of the system from womb to tomb, generation after generation. Most people, IME, use help responsibly and stop using it as soon as it’s no longer needed.

The food stamps thing is something I will have to research and discuss with him. We have talked to him about moving back home with mom and dad, but he’s ruled that out because he’s been at his job so long that he would not be able to afford his support payments after the pay cut he would take starting over as a new hire anywhere else. Plus commuting is sort of out of the question because the parents live pretty far out of state. Anyway thanks PandaBear77 and thank you all for your input.