grumble...grumble...stupid underwrited...grumble...grumble

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

aaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!
You have got to be friggen kidding me!!!
Our home closing is being held up because the underwriter can’t read!
The issue:

He said we have to have proof that the termite damage and infestation has been fixed.

The problem:

  1. There is no infestation.

  2. There never was an infestation.

  3. There is no damage!

The real story…
The house has sill damage. This is from WATER.
The house had very minimal signs of carpenter ants and there was a dead mouse in the basement.

The sellers agreed to pay to fix the sill. The repair was to be done AFTER the closing, because it’s…you know…WINTER! Funds were to be kept back from their profit on the sale to pay for the repair, and they’d get any remaining funds after the repair was done.

Everyone agreed to this.

The sellers also agreed to pay for the first Terminix visit. Terminix** came out and checked out the house. They agreed with the home inspector - THERE IS NO SIGN OF TERMITES!!! They did a general pest treatment even though there were no pests, and they cleaned up the mouse body in the basement. They set up new mouse traps, none of which have been sprung. The sellers paid for this and we paid up front for the rest of the year.
THERE IS NO DAMN TERMITE INFESTATION!!!

The underwriter has a reading comprehension problem and saw sill damage due to water and Terminix and made an erroneous connection.

Now he’s requiring a form to be filled out saying the termite damage has been fixed and another saying the infestation has been cleared.

I can’t just call the contractor and say, get your ass our here and find some termite damage to fix! I can’t also make him drop his other jobs to come fix the WATER damage.

  • For those of you not familiar with Terminix’s policies - if your initial inspection shows no sign of termites, any future termite infestation treatments are FREE. This is a big deal considering that very large amounts of money are involved cleaning up an infestation. If they find termites, YOU pay for the treatments. The fact that they said there were no termites is pretty damn good proof that there are NO FRIGGEN TERMITES!!!

So, just got a message from the mortgage lady (called The Twit in another thread) and she said that yes there was a misunderstanding and that the seller’s attorney has to agree to hold 1.5x the repair amount in escrow and we probably still need the termite form filled out.

THEY ALREADY AGREED TO HOLD THE FUNDS BACK! OVER A MONTH AGO!

2

WHAT DOES A BULKHEAD HAVE TO DO WITH A DAMN OIL TANK???

You’ve got to be friggen kidding me!!!
This underwriter now has it in her head that the bulkhead (which was just used as a point of reference) is in some way related to the oil tank. Now she seems to think that the VERY MINOR water damage is a risk to the oil tank.

For the record, the damage and the oil tank are an entire house length away from each other!

I wanted to use Wizard of Oz doors as an explanation for what a bulkhead was but my boyfriend, not being a regular reader of the Dope, wouldn’t let me.

IF ONE MORE PERSON USES AN EXTRANEOUS APOSTROPHE IN AN EMAIL TO ME, I MIGHT HAVE TO KILL THEM ALL!!!
Sellers knew is plural, not possessive and therefore, does NOT need an apostrophe.

I hate everyone.

3

Deeep breath… let it out… now another… let it out… one more…

Keep in mind you will never be able to fix stupid, you can only live with it and work around it.

4

Many personal lines “underwriters” are barely underwriters at all. They are glorified data entry clerks. And that’s the way the company usually wants it.

5

That’s kind of the feeling I’m getting now. The underwriter is making life way more difficult than it needs to be.

In addition to everything else, she is now demanding the receipt showing the $140 was paid to Terminix for the initial inspection.

Ok. We have the $150 report showing their findings. Isn’t that proof enough that the stupid inspection was done?

Luckily our realtor paid for it and the seller reimbursed her. So, she had the receipt and already faxed it. That was the one thing I kind of panicked about. I have a problem holding on to receipts.

Amazingly enough, I found a structural engineer who agreed to come out today and who charges $400 (instead of the $500 to $2000 the lawyer said it could cost). I’m waiting for him right now.
If his report says what we all think it will say, and he’s able to fax it tonight, we might still be able to close tomorrow.

Unless of course the underwriter decides she wants our first born child too.

6

YAY!!! The engineer said we’re good to go!

Now we just need to close the damn sale.