Grumpy old person rants

In My Humble Opinion (IMHO)
#1

Here in the UK we have a TV series where celebrities of a certain age grumble about how the modern world isn’t to their liking.

In that vein, I am fed up with how I am impeded from progressing, in a statesman like manner, at my chosen speed along the pavement/sidewalk. There are two main ways in which I am obstructed:

People who attach themselves to each other horizontally, creating a barrier. I propose that if more than two people wish to do that, they should be made to buy a license.

People who clump together to have conversations. They should be made to buy a pedestrian parking permit, and to position themselves in the allocated bays.

Simple.

What gets your goat?

#2

I’d like to add ‘people who are walking ahead of you who just randomly stop with no consideration as to who is behind them’ to your pavement list.

#3

People who stand on escalators in general bug me, but when they stand on the left side, that really, really irritates me.

Cowards who don’t know how to get through a four way stopsigned intersection. It’s your turn. Go. Don’t wave that other car through, because you’re slowing me down.

#4

Drivers who think that a 10-second delay is the end of the world, as though their journey is a national vital security matter. When impatience and anger kick in within 10 seconds, I think something’s going a bit awry with our society’s priorities.

#5

I don’t like elevators where you enter one door, but when you get to your floor you have to exit the other door on the other side of the elevator. Then I’m backwards the rest of the day.

#6

Sometimes, I am driving and come to a stop sign. The crossing road does not have a stop sign. I am at the stop, and a car is traveling on the crossing road. As they get to the intersection, they slow to a stop and motion for me to proceed. They have the right of way as there is no stop sign for them. I am legitimately stopped at a stop sign waiting.

I believe that these people should have their license to drive revoked, and their head examined. Oh, and both big toes removed by a rabid ferret.

#7

People who don’t walk on the sidewalk, as God and nature intended. That’s why they’re there; it’s their entire function! Get the hell out of the street, you moron!

Yes, it’s true that we’re not so good in my neighborhood about clearing the snow from sidewalks. But it’s warmer now; they’re all clear all on their own. It’s safer over there, and it’s designed just for you. Now get out of the damn street!

Drives me freaking insane.

#8

Why does everybody mumble these days?

#9

How timely. This just happened to me on my back from my lunch break. Go, dude! You don’t have a stop sign!!

#10

People are generally clueless about circulation patterns. Streets, aisles, passageways of any kind, most people neither know nor care about each other.

Grocery carts left in the middle of the aisle while deciding whether to get tuna packed in oil or in water, not enough room on either side to pass.

Or myopically chatting up that cute dish at the apartment party - right in the only doorway between the room with the bar and the one with the food.

Pisses me off.

#11

The utter crudeness of TV and radio commercials. I curse like a drunken sailor, like porn, etc. But it’s just wrong that the tag line of Frank’s Red Hot’s ads (at least print and radio) is “I put that bleep on everything!” And the diaper commercials with the babies having a shitting contest. And so many more…

Joe

#12

I love Grumpy Old Men and Grumpy Old Women. I relate to so many of their whinges. And many of those stated above including, but not limited to, people who hog the escalator and won’t move to the <insert appropriate side as per your region> and those who get off and just STOP.

And people who can’t quite grasp the notion that they have to pay for their purchases in the supermarket when the items have been scanned. Have your money/credit card ready, people. I’m sure this isn’t the first time you’ve bought groceries.

#13

E-mail ping pong. Bonus with sig/disclaimer and banners.

I frequently get sucked in to email conversations where each respondent just replies to the preceding message. Dispite the mails all being internal to the company our mail system adds a sig to the end of each message that looks like this:

Name: Verity Stob
Position: Senior Developer
tel: 3141 592 6535
fax: 2718 281 8284
email: verity.stob@saltmines-r-us.com
www: saltminesrus.com

Company Sig Banner

Exciting Salt Mine News!

Company physical address, phone, fax, email, web ite blah blah blah

Craploads of legal disclaimer as if anyone ever reads this bllocks Craploads of legal disclaimer as if anyone ever reads this bllocks Craploads of legal disclaimer as if anyone ever reads this bllocks Craploads of legal disclaimer as if anyone ever reads this bllocks Craploads of legal disclaimer as if anyone ever reads this bllocks Craploads of legal disclaimer as if anyone ever reads this bllocks Craploads of legal disclaimer as if anyone ever reads this bllocks Craploads of legal disclaimer as if anyone ever reads this bllocks Craploads of legal disclaimer as if anyone ever reads this bllocks Craploads of legal disclaimer as if anyone ever reads this bllocks Craploads of legal disclaimer as if anyone ever reads this bllocks Craploads of legal disclaimer as if anyone ever reads this bllocks

Which completely drowns out any scraps of actual communication the trail may contain.

#14

Well, there’s so much. The young whippersnappers with their loud music, for example, but only when it’s loud music I don’t like. If it’s good ol’ loud rock n roll, that’s cool.

The young whippersnappers with their droopy pants. I know that’s going out of style, sort of, but it’s not out completely if some of the young men on my college campus are any indication.

The yw with their Facebook and their texting. I’m on Facebook and I text, but I’m not obsessed with it, you know what I mean?

And, since I’m an English professor, I have to add yw’s putting textspeak in their papers–“u” for “you,” “i” for “I,” and so on. And not using apostrophes, ever.

#15

as a young person who grew up with microsoft word capitalizing every individual “i” into “I” for me, as well as the end of every sentence, i am probably one of the worst offenders of “capitalization error” on this board. however, i’ve never really understood why “I” had to be capitalized anyway.

#16

Pavement cyclists.

There is a pretty little dedicated lane, they’ve painted bicycles on it, so everyone knows it’s for cyclists.

Right there, two metres to your right.

Asshole.

#17

Because otherwise you keep making everyone think that you’re talking about √-1.

#18

That damn tiny print.

Now get off my lawn!

#19

The guy who tried to pass me on the right via a merge lane on a four-lane highway today (I was in the right lane; the left lane was clear). Douche.

People who don’t check their blind spots before merging.

People who realized they missed their exit and suddenly careen over from two lanes over, crossing the V-shaped area where the exit ramp and the road diverge. Scary.

Traffic circles. I know they’re supposed to be the panacea to all our traffic congestion ills, but seriously, you can’t just plop them down in a region where people didn’t grow up using them and expect everyone to automatically know proper traffic circle etiquette. STOP BUILDING THE DAMN THINGS.

#20

My shrinking bladder. I’m just getting used to getting up every damned night to pee, and now it’s going to be TWO times per night? I’m going to have to stop drinking fluids, period.