What the fuck is wrong with you? When you set up a massive unregulated banking industry to get rich quick we were like ‘ah those poor little guys, all they have are fish. It’s nice they’ve finally got something else going for them’. Then when it goes tits-up you won’t even give us the time of day!
We finally thought we’d come to a gentleman’s agreement about the money, but then you turn around with your ‘democracy’ and ‘referendum’ and back out. That’s totally undignified man.
And now this goddamn volcano! It’s like you’re taking a giant drunken piss all over Northern Europe. We said ‘send CASH’ you cheap cod-buggering Icetards! If our planes weren’t grounded I’d come over there myself and give you the cock-punch you so rightly deserve.
So GTFO,
HRH Elizabeth II
Queen of the United Kindom
ps. Our climate is shitty enough without you sending a fucking humongous cloud of dust in our direction. If I have to bring the washing in, the Cod War will be like an invite for tea and scones compared to what will happen this time.
I offered my volcano weapon technology to several nations, but only Iceland was willing to meet my price. Sure, the cost completely fucked their economy, but now they are unstoppable.
They are – they’re just very adapt at hiding it. That way, no one expects the Viking Inkitsiti-[scene of unimaginable violence ending with Hal being tossing in a volcano].
London Hostage Crisis Day 2: I have been captured by a nefarious terrorist known only as Eyjafjallajökull. He shows no sign of letting up. The authorities are helpless in the face of his threats. Critical supplies, such as clean clothing, are running low. I have made multiple escape plans, but the terrorist is foiling all of them. My wife is taking up drinking in my absence. Things appear bleak.
