I was watching Guinness Primetime last night, and I realized how stupid the show is. Nevermind the stupid record categories (how many people are going to try and break the “Most Scorpions in Mouth” record?), but the show is rife with idiocy. The audience reactions are spliced in horribly, and the host is a complete moron.
But the reason I started this thread is this: Every time someone goes for a record, this guy (an official of some sort, it seems) is seen “testing” the apparatus, whatever it may be, to make sure it is legit. Now, I have no problem with this in principle. But it is the way in which he tests that infuriates me. He tests the apparatus by tapping it with a pencil. Explain to me how this is useful. I can see if he’s testing for solidity, but he taps everything! Someone went for a record involving bubble gum, and he tapped the frigging wad of gum with his pencil! For a skateboard record, the board got the pencil treatment. During a record attempt involving a balloon, he tapped on the uninflated balloon with his pencil.
Is this pencil some sort of über-pencil that instantaneously performs a chemical and/or molecular analysis of the apparatus being tapped? Why is a tap by a simple sharpened pencil more conclusive than simple visual inspection? WHY?
I suppose I shouldn’t get that worked up; It’s only a stupid TV show. But that guy’s stupid pencil gets me every time. I wish I knew the relevance. Can anyone elighten me? Has anyone else wasted their time watching this show?
Alright, back to work. Hmm, this keyboard looks suspicious. I should probably get my pencil…
Before the show came on, I was excited about the prospect and couldn’t wait. I had expected the show to show stories of past records, you could say. Like the fattest man or tallest man, etc. Basically, televised specials of what’s in their books. And at first they did that, like with the guy with the longest fingernails, but then they devoted their entire show to stupid parlor tricks and I quit watching. The tricks they do aren’t even that wonderful. I mean, I couldn’t do them, but they’re not shocking (although that woman who could pop out her eyeballs was faintly amusing).
As for the testing, yeah that’s stupid.
“Quiet now. Please release an awed gasp as we make you think this is serious, and earth-shattering.”
Was anyone watching this the other night when a guy tried to create a para-bungee catagory and ended up breaking his back and recording it on video tape? This was, bar none, the dumbest stunt I’ve ever seen on TV. And, as the unfortunate idiot hit the ground, his friend yelled, “can someone give this guy a hand?” Instead of calling an ambulance, the crowd applauded.
I laughed hysterically. I felt cheap and dirty, but I laughed. Thank God there is no TV show for the Darwin award.
Lord help me, I was crying, I laughed so hard. My wife gave me the dirtiest look, and said, “He could be paralyzed.” I still couldn’t stop.
And as for the pencil-tapping guy, yeesh! On the same show, a guy was making a bologna sandwich with his feet. The testing guy was happily tapping the bread and pickles with his pencil. He even spread mustard on his pencil and licked it off. I am not making this up. I think at this point, he doing it as a running joke. If not, ye gods.
I think this show is hilarious. I don’t really watch it to see records broken because a majority of the records don’t make ANY sense (i.e. Most amount of shrimp eaten out of a mouth by a duck. This really happened, also hilarious.) I watch it because you get to see people do crazy things in the name of record breaking fun.
Forgot to add: I NEVER watch Guinness, so I know I saw the wayward skydivers on Ripley’s. In fact, that episode of Ripley’s will be repeated on TBS tomorrow morning, so you can all see it again, if you like.
I make a point of watching it when I’m at the gym. I’ll get on the treadmill and run while reading the closed-captioning on the wall units. You may think that it looks inane and sounds inane, but you haven’t witnessed the pure stupidity of some of this stuff until you really read what these nimrods are saying. A couple of weeks ago they had a guy bouncing basketballs on his head. He does it while taking off his shirt. He does it while climbing a ladder. My God, the man is a savant. I am entertained by all of this until the caption comes on for the host’s narration: “The audience is in a frenzy.” I just about fell off the old treadmill. I’m sure it sounded stupid, but actually reading it made it all the more special.
