I am so very sorry for your loss and ours as well.
I’m so sorry to hear it, please accept my condolences.
How terrible! What a shock! I wish you all the best, this has got to be one of the worst things that can happen to someone.
Death is one of the worst things that can happen? What’s worse, for example?
This is probably not the right thread to discuss what I meant by my poorly worded post. It was a terrible thing to happen.
How awful. Condolences and good thoughts.
You and the little ones have my deepest sympathy, Stendhal Syndrome. Please do let us know if there’s anything that we Dopers can do for you.
Continuing…he has GERD and was on medications to manage his acid reflux. Last week he mentioned to me about having some minor pains swallowing and having heart burn. He was taking tums and he was procrastinating getting his refill for his heart burn prescription. On Sunday he had told me it hurt to swallow. He also complained about lower back pain in an totally new area and not the usual spot where it hurt. He made an appointment to go see Dr. J, his PCP on Tuesday night. Meanwhile, he was his usual self…loving daddy and husband. We went to celebrate St. Patty’s day with the kids and we just had a lovely weekend. He was able to eat and keep his food down and everything seemed “normal”. On Monday, I remember him saying this to me, “Baby…I can see how some people can confuse heartburn for a heart attack.” And we just spoke about pains in general and we both didn’t make much of it. We kept going back to the fact that he was going to see Dr. J soon and that everything would be ok. On an another side note: I hadn’t read his last post until after his death on this thread. He didn’t tell me he was having “chest pains”. We had a mini date night on Monday. We both had shrimp pizza for the first time and he ate around two slices and didn’t throw it up. We held hands and walked around the city with our baby and he just seemed to be doing ok. Nothing that would make me think that he only had a few more hours of life in him. We got home on Monday night and he put the baby to sleep, gave me some free time…read a bedtime story to our 9 year old daughter and we went to bed as usual. He woke up on Tue morning and made breakfast for our daughter, hugged me, kissed me, asked me if I needed anything and left to work. We usually text back and forth during the day multiple times while I am home and he’s at work. He often wrote me love poems while he was on the train and sent “I love you” texts and he did write me a few poems on Tuesday morning. I loved waking up to his texts since he would leave at around 6:45 am and that’s when the baby and I would fall back to sleep after her feeding and I would stay asleep until 8 or 9 am and wake up to his texts.
On Tuesday during his break time at work, he called the nurse to discuss his problems with his throat and he has mentioned in his last post about that conversation. He called me right afterwards because he was scared. I remember telling his to watch his symptoms but I also remember being tired at that point and not paying much attention to what he was saying which of course I have a lot of guilt for right now. After we hung up, we continued to text each other. He started to mention things like “I have never been scared up until this point” " I need to change some things in my will…" So I began to respond with positive thoughts and even asked him if I could put the girls in the girl and come meet him at the doctors office for support and I told him it was going to be ok. He said he would see Dr. J and then come home. He reminded me to take care of myself in the meantime, and also reminded me about making a massage appointment for myself one of these days and that he would watch the kids. He saw Dr. J who told him to watch out for certain symptoms (vomiting blood, blood in stools, severe lightheadedness, disorientation) and to go the ER if he had any of those, got a refill for his pain meds, picked up his prescriptions, got on the train to come home. On his way home he sent me a text and said he just wanted to come home and hold me. He got home a around 8 pm. We spent some family time…he changed the baby’s diapers, spoke to her, played with her. Our 9 year old had just learned to play “Ode to Joy” on the recorder and she played it for us and Jesse was so excited for her to learn music and we spoke about other ways in which she could begin teaching herself and practicing music. He then read her a bed time story (hello kitty) but I remember him not being able to get through it. It was a simple children’s book but I could hear him from the other room having a hard time reading it. I attributed it to his tiredness and sleepiness, but maybe he was beginning to get disoriented? After around 25 mins, I was kinda irritated because I wanted him to take the baby so I could get a break and it was way past our daughter’s bed time and it was a school night. So I yelled out that story time had to end and it was kisses time and he did that and came to the room to take the baby from me and said, “I am sorry I failed you honey and I failed Isis because I couldn’t finish the story.” I made a comment about it wasn’t a big deal and that it was ok. While all of this was going on, he continued to update me about his dr’s visit and I checked in with him on his symptoms and he said he wasn’t having anything at the moment and that he just was tired. Dr. J had also advised him to have clear liquids for dinner that night and Jesse was a foodie and he was hungry and he wanted a meal. But I told him to follow Dr.'s orders and have some soup but he decided not to. He said he would wake up in the middle of the night if he was still hungry. I began to nurse the baby and it was around 9:15 pm I think at this point. He laid next to me and we spoke some more. He was falling asleep and looked really tired. I encouraged him to take a shower and go to sleep and told him I will put the baby to sleep tonight, which was what he did during the nights and he loved that time with the baby. He went and took a shower and meanwhile I came out to the living room and had my dinner. I didn’t hear any noise in the bedroom so I went in to check on him. He was sitting naked on the potty and was dozing off and rocking back and forth and I said these words, “Baby you are freaking me out a little, please go to bed and get some sleep.” He smiled and said he would. I went back out and finished my meal. Still I didn’t hear anything after 10 more mins. I went back in and he was still sitting there, rocking. I told him to get up and get to bed and he laughed and spoke about his dad spending a lot of time on the potty and we both chuckled. He then came out to the living room and the baby was in her cradle/swing. He knelt down and began talking to the baby and I don’t know why he said what he said next. He said, " Maya…I think mommy is scared right now." I was sitting on the couch a few feet away from them and I began to sob after I heard him say that. He came close to me, still kneeling, we held each other, said I love you’s, we kissed and just held each other for a while. I told him I was tired and he said he will make it up to me. I told him to go to bed and get some sleep and that I would come to bed with the baby in a little while. So Jesse went. After around 15 mins, I walked into our bedroom, he was laying on his back, still alive, snoring a little bit louder than usual. So at that point I decide to sleep with the baby in the guest room because I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep with the snoring. I grabbed my pillow and settled down in the guest bedroom with the baby and eventually fell asleep. I heard him snoring when I fell asleep too. It was a little after 11 pm at this point. I was due to wake up for baby’s next feeding at 1:30 am so I set my alarm and went to sleep. Maya started stirring and was hungry at around 1:20 am. I grabbed her and went our bedroom to feed her. When I walked in I glanced at Jesse’s face. The night light was on and I saw something white around his nose and mouth. At first I thought he had one of his nose bleeds and had probably stuck some tissue in there to stop the bleeding like he normally did. But a few seconds later I realized that something was wrong. I set the baby down next to him and saw that it was foam/froth coming out of his nose and mouth and that he was breathing. I freaked the fuck out. I began yelling and shaking him. I ran to our daughter’s bedroom, woke her up and asked her to watch the baby and I began panicking. I called 911 right away and ran to the front of the house, turned on all the lights and opened the front door and kept begging them to hurry up and get here. It seemed like eternity before they got there. Meanwhile she had started giving me instructions on doing the chest compression’s which I did. I couldn’t get his mouth open like she had asked me to and he had bit his tongue. I knew…I knew…he was gone…but I still had hope. The paramedics arrived and I was asked to leave the room and all I heard from that point on for the next half hour or so was “we are trying and working on him.” I knew he was gone for sure when they asked me to contact friends or family to see if anyone could come, but they still wouldn’t tell me he was dead. I had spoken to his mother in mother in Missouri because I didn’t know who else to call. I told her that I think he was gone. Then I hung up because I began being bombarded with questions…his meds, his age, health history. They began pulling out all the pill bottles they could find…even old meds that he had stopped taking and started asking me questions. I called my good friend who was also our neighbor who came right away and another friend was also on her way over. When they came I broke down. My friend asked me to calm down and think positive and she encouraged me to nurse the baby. I began nursing the baby and after a little while, I was notified that my husband was dead. The people from the coroners office arrived a few hours later and took him away. I decided not to see him when given the option because that is not how I would like to remember him. His body was gone… the rest is blur.
Family has slowly started coming in. I cannot believe all the support we are getting from everyone. People are bringing in food. Someone is always taking care of the girls and changing diapers and bringing her to me only during feeding times. I am having a hard time sleeping but I did get around 4-5 hrs today. I don’t want to sheets to be changed yet. I held on to the shirt he wore on Tuesday and wore it almost all of Wed and slept with it on his pillow. I use his towel, I brush my teeth with his tooth brush, I have his wedding ring around my neck, I use his soap (I finally decided to take a shower today), I use his towel. I am not ready to say goodbye. Sorry for the long post. We are thinking about starting a fund/donation thingie and I am not sure if its ok to post that on this board.
Jesse loved the Dope. I would get at least one link from from him everyday asking me to read a certain dope thread. I deeply appreciate all the comments and the love. I am going to come back and post some recent pictures of him and us when I get some time. Thanks again.
We love you guys.
I don’t know how you had the strength to get back to us so soon. As we have all said, it’s a sad thing to happen and we are so sorry. I’ll be praying for you, and for your girls.
And if there is anything at all Dopers can do, please let us know. I’d bring food or change diapers if I was in your area.
I lost the first part of my post somehow…
But I had some time to sit down and type and can hear Jesse tell me…" Baby…go post on the dope and tell your story. They are waiting." I forget what else I had typed but I can’t find it. To keep it brief: He had chronic lower back problems. Jesse was extremely knowledgeable about his meds and was very well read and did his research. Anyway…here goes…
Note: I didn’t proof read my post, so please excuse my typos. Sorry for the reaaallly long post.
You don’t need to apologise for anything.
Thanks for letting us know, you and the girls are in our thoughts.
Si
That was so hard to read and I can’t imagine how hard to go through. My heart goes out to you and your family. 
Weeping. Thanks for posting.
To post asking for donations you need permission from the Mods, but if you want to ask questions about how to set up one, or select a lawyer to help you, or things like that, you can do it straightaway.
All he wanted to do was take care of you and the girls. What a wonderful man. THank you for sharing his story.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. It sounds like he was a good man.
Thank you, Stendhal.
I did not know anything about **gurujulp **as a poster really, but his death has been on my mind very often these last few days. It is a shock that someone so young, who was participating here so recently, could possibly be gone. It makes me think about other people I have known who died suddenly, leaving their children behind, and I have realized that my feelings of control over my health are just a delusion. I am making a doctor’s appointment for the first time in years. I don’t expect anyone to be interested in that, but I say it just to let you know how much I am thinking about you. I wish you and your girls the best.
Again, so sorry for your pain - you and your girls are in my prayers.
My sincerest condolences.
This really has my attention because I have GERD and have had a stricture dilated. I am overdue for a follow-up endoscopy.
I will call my doctor and get that thing scheduled.
I don’t know how I missed this thread. I have read the whole thing with tears in my eyes. I am so very sorry. There are no words that can express my sympathy. He always seemed like such anice guy.
Please… echoing what has already been said, if we can help, let us know.