Waking up out of a stupour… where the hell am I again?
I am me… accept it or not.
Just make sure you keep payin’ the rent there Flyp. I think everybody on this god-forsaken roadtrip has filed a change-of-address to my place.
You’ll be gettin’ lots of credit card bills soon. Most of 'em from some bail bondsman named Spider. And legal fees from Melin.
Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Coldfire, let Satan drive…
::Puts tape in the player::
We’re on the Highway to Hell!
THAT’S more like it!!
Yer pal,
Satan
Yep…there’s yer problem. All the freon’s leaked outa the condenser. Yuh oughta put a couple glass packs in there, torque 'er up like a sumbitch.
Name’s Peru. Bobby Peru. (Smiles to display teeth like row of baked beans)
Seale…it wouldn’t be any fun if I told you when I was going to get you now, would it?? < evil grin >
And Satan?? GOOD music choice. I say we go visit Graceland…we’d fit RIGHT in. Besides, then we can hit Beale Street for more alcohol.
And damn, this was coherent…I clearly need more beer. WALLY! Quit Bogarting the tequila! < making a lunge for the bottle >
“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.” - George Carlin
I’m goin’ to Graceland, Graceland…
Oh, you meant Elvis’s Graceland. Sorry. Sounds good to me. We need some ashtrays. Wally’s got to be getting tired of me stubbing out my smokes on his ass. If he’s even noticed.
Can we go to Beale Street while we’re there? Canwecanwecanwepleasepleasepleeeeeeease? It’s so much fuuuuuuuuun there!!! HUGE beer cups the size of your HEAD, for sale on the STREET! Barbecued turkey legs. Fake tattoos. B.B. King. PLEEEEEEEEASE???
To ColdFire, on cell phone:
ColdFire: do you know how to deal with American rednecks? You need lots of guns…
Mmmm…Memphis bar-b-que and blues. I’d better prime the palate…
:::takes a big ol’ swig of Cuervo:::
Whooeeee! Few more of those, and I’ll be seeing multiple Elvises.
Hey Rysdad…what’s the plural of Elvis, anyway? Elvi? And what’s a group of them called? How about a hunk of Elvi? Yeah!
:::swigs more tequila:::
thankyouverymuch…
makes some fried pickles for the group
starts spouting spanish, lowly men might not understand
Tengo que ir a la manzana…
nods
has to go to the apple
Well, maybe…
heh, us elvi wannabes need to go to the apples and eat fried pickles
Memphi’… my home turf… but please no, not Beale Street; " a city-sanctioned liquor mall"-Jim Dickinson. Although, it does deserve to be destroyed… yeah! & then we can go to Jr. Kimbrough’s juke joint & load up with some moonshine that’ll have you crawling around in the kudzu doing the snake-hips. Got the map in my head…pass Jose rachtchya Cristi, hon!
What say we go to L.A. and kick the shit out of some Hell’s Angels?
This space for rent.
L.A. sounds good…i’m driving!..or flying, depends on how many ramps we find
:: Meanwhile, back at UncleBeer’s house ::
manhattan: Oh, dudes, does my head hurt. I think I passed out from that beer and tequila after five days. Throw me some hair of the dog, willya?
Damn, how long have I been out? Hey, where’d everybody go? Where’s officer Candy?
Ah, shoot. I hope they left some beer.
Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine
Hello, my name is John Walsh.
Here on “America’s Most Wanted” we need your help to catch some bad guys who have caused panic, destruction and animal abuse across at least 5 states.
These desperate criminals have committed arson, stolen a beer truck, hijacked an RV from a group of nuns, castrated a moose, caused a 20 car pile-up, attempted homicide on a Trekker bystander and performed acts of public drunkeness and lewdness too vile to show you on this program.
They were arrested once, but part of their gang broke them out of jail using a stolen ambulance as a battering ram. Their lawyer, who would only agreee to speak with us on the condition she could wear a paper bag over her head, said only, “no comment”.
Okay, let’s catch these bad guys! Just call our 800 number if you spot these desperate criminals. We think they may be heading to Graceland, Ass Boink or Rock City.
Just call us at “America’s Most Wanted” if you see these ruthless bad guys, or call your local law enforcement officials, the Dutch embassy, the Vatican, the ASPCA or The Betty Ford Clinic.
Let’s bring these bad guys in…before Geraldo Rivera gets into the act!
Say, when this ::hic:: trip is over, can I keep the little bald, scorched wombat thing? I’ve grown kinda partial to it. It’s kinda cute, in a Freddy Krueger kinda way. The way its little tail bends left, then right, then up; those cute little whisker nubs; the way it curls up in my arms and whimpers when someone lights a match; that little “erk” sound it makes when someone makes a loud noise; and that cute little raisin toast scent…ya gotta love it.
I think I’ll call him Lucky.
Hey, Walsh, over here,
1- We did not use the ambulance for a battering ram !
We had Sealemon eat some bear jerky, burrito’s and some other stuff, then
he blew the walls out with one well placed flaming fart.
Get your facts straight !
And not all of us are guys, ya know !
Ayesha - Lioness
There are two solutions to every problem : the wrong one, and mine
(Thomas A. Edison)
::Knock Knock::
EXCUSE ME! This has gone on for weeks now. I just moved in next door and frankly I’m tired of your friends shitting on my LAWN!!! Hey, is that midget porno? Can I come in for just a second? Hmmm… oh yeah, you reach up and grab that thing!!
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words’ll make me sit in a darkened corner and cry for hours.
Kyoko Baby,
Shane
(Where did everybody go? They left of this fantastic Midget Porno, and they didn’t stay to watch it? I can’t believe it! I come all the way over here to complain about shit in my yard, no one is home, making me look like an idiot yelling at the empty house, I find a midget porno, and I have no-one to share it with!!!)
Start cheesy action music
“THEY MUST DIE”
“With god as my witness I shall hunt down my drunken neigbors and end them.”
“Let’s fight AGGRESSIVELY!”
Fade out
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words’ll make me sit in a darkened corner and cry for hours.
Kyoko Baby,
Shane
Guy thing:
This is classic…Sunday afternoon watching football and my husband is asleep (snoring loudly) with his right hand tucked into his waistband and the remote in his left hand. One day I’m going to have to take a picture.
Libby’s Mom
Sandra