Ayesha, honey, now don’t worry. Your ears look fine.
Just fine.
Don’t worry, now. Here’s some…stuff, that’s really sticky and we’ll just sort of glue glue them back, and if you roolll over the tops of your ears and tuck them under this gimme cap, why, you look just like, just like, Princess Leia in a seed cap.
I’m game for that truck wash. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I sure could use a bath. Really. I’m so stinky that I can’t smell anyone else. I hope I haven’t offended anyone too badly.
And what’s up with the electric tequila? Let me have that bottle.
UncleBeer finally awakens from an extended “sleep,” called to consciousness by… TEQUILA! He looks around in horror; his nightmares of Pokemon and Loverock weren’t nightmares at all. Merely intrusions of the corporeal world, haunting the only moments of peace his mind has had in weeks.
Hey ChiefScott, where the hell are we going? It’s getting damn cold out here; What say we hit Tijuana, Mexico? I think we can trade that big ass green lizard to the natives for some peyote, hash and burritos. They can shellac that monster to sell in some crappy little roadside tourist shop. Sounds like a fair exchange to me.
Now hit it! Oh, you’re blind? Ah well, I’ll give you directions. Turn left, NOW!!!
Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
ChiefScott executes a quick “U-ee” which not only heads the heavily damaged meat wagon due south, but dumps cases and cases of empty beer and tequila bottles out the multitude of holes in the side of the vehicle.
A quick slug of the electric tequila and a swipe of the back of his arm across his mouth, he tosses another empty over his shoulder as he sets to the task of navigating towards Mexico.
“Uh Beer? You’ve kinda been out of it for awhile so you do know we’re heading back towards Loverock and the trolls? And while that’s rattling around in that void you call a mind, old man, pass me more booze. Now!”, the chief slurs.
The trolls and Loverock? Naw, not a problem, Chief. I (wink, wink) know a “shortcut” that’ll get us around 'em. Now drink up and pass that bottle back.
Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
pssst, guys, look over there, to the right. There’s a double decker tour bus.
The driver just got out, slow down Chief, yep he left the keys in. Lets ditch this meat wagon and take the bus.
No, no it’s legal ! He is giving it to us by leaving the keys. Besides we can stop and grab an empty barrel someplace to bathe in SOME OF US really need a bath ! ::glaring at smelly yeti::
Oh yeah theres a Wal-Mart ahead, we can liberate some tooth brushes SOME PEOPLE won’t share theirs :: glaring at Cristi, who has no fuzz on her teeth::
I bet between all of us we can empty out the store.
Ayesha - Lioness
There are two solutions to every problem : the wrong one, and mine
(Thomas A. Edison)
Since we don’t have a windshield, lets drain the wiper fluid and douse the sasquatch. Whooee, he could gag a maggot.
Was I dreaming, or did we just run over a parade?
I kinda like the idea of the double-decker bus. CanadianSue could go up top, lean over the front with her arms flung out, and we could all sing “My Heart Will Go On.”
Holy Toledo, Chief! What is in that tequila! It’s making my head spin like Linda Blair. And I think I’m hallucinating that UncleBeer is here.
:::the three UncleBeers merge into one:::
Wow! Unc! It really is you! Well tickle me pink and griddle me brown! Good to know you’re alive! I’d kiss you, but I need to brush my teeth first.
:::rummages through purse again:::
Awright…who stole my toothbrush? No, never mind. I do not want it back. But don’t come crying to me when one of you gets hoof-and-mouth.
Well, I’d better get myself a healthy swig of that tequila. That’ll get rid of any critters in my teeth, and some enamel too!
:::takes a big swig, but doesn’t fall down this time:::
Oh, I get it now! I just needed to build up some immunity!
And, so, the Guy Stuff Thread, having shot it’s wad, goes off into Yond; snoring loudly, hogging all the covers, leaving a wake of inconsolate hoodoo destruction… to be continued, ad infinitum, 'til death do us part from the monkey body.
Sheesh, what’s a poor librarian to do? Hitch up with a bunch of drunks, suggest getting nekkid in a truck wash and what happens…even the psychotic sasquatch bails out.
::sobs::
Well, farewell to the guy thread.
Tho I still suspect that just as soon as we bail the “in crowd” will sneak off toward Mexico.
The rough beast, slouching off toward civilization waiting to be bored,
Veb