Lawyer, eh? I just might arrange for this lawyer to suddenly find himself out in space without a suit… or up the creek without a paddle, persay. Oh, what the hey, where are the matches? And the lighter fluid?
:: :peels self from wall after being flattened by liftoff:::
Woohoo, what a rush! That was…
Hey, what’s that smell? Is that…oh my Goddess, Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies!
Yaaaaaaaaaaah! :::loud face-stuffing sounds:::
Buuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrp.
Excuse me. Oh man, do I ever feel better! Now, where’s the beer?
Changing my sig, because Wally said to, and I really like Wally, and I’ll do anything he says, anytime he says to.
Sorry, no checks. And don’t forget that I get reimbursed at 40 cents a mile for every mile I travel.
Someobdy talk to the guy who wants to space the lawyer, mmm?
-Melin
(Sultry and lawyerly are NOT mutually exclusive.)
stumbles around the shuttle’s cargo bay drunkenly
Man…this is totally confusing…I feel all light-headed and junk…
tears off his business suit to reveal his prison outfit once again
Ahh…that’s the right feeling…really hits the spot…
falls backwards as a huge flash of light appears in front of him…watches as a demonic creature appears in front of him with some sort of gaming apparatus
Aww damn…Lucifer, it’s not time for another game of Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em Robots, is it? Well…here goes nothing…
- inserts Rush CD and hits play *
" Lit up with anticipation
We arrive at the launching site
The sky is still dark, nearing dawn
On the Florida coastline
Circling choppers slash the night
With roving searchlight beams
This magic day when super-science
Mingles with the bright stuff of dreams
Floodlit in the hazy distance
The star of this unearthly show
Venting vapours, like the breath
Of a sleeping white dragon
Crackling speakers, voices tense
Resume the final count
All systems check, T minus nine
As the sun and the drama start to mount
The air is charged a humid motionless mass
The crowds and the cameras
The cars full of spectators pass
Excitement so thick you could cut it with a knife
Technology high, on the leading edge of life
The earth beneath us starts to tremble
With the spreading of a low black cloud
A thunderous roar shakes the air
Like the whole world exploding
Scorching blast of golden fire
As it slowly leaves the ground
Tears away with a mighty force
The air is shattered by the awesome sound
Like a pillar of cloud, the smoke lingers high in the air
In fascination with the eyes of the world we stare "
Wooohooo!!! Feel that mother pull!! Can we go faster? Floor this baby!!
Coldfire
"You know how complex women are"
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
John Glenn, is that you? What are you doin’ here you old fart? How’d you get aboard?
I didn’t think you guys were ever gonna come back to pick me up. I fell off the roof of the van about 800 posts back.
Oh Coldfire, that’s deep!
Hava brewski. ::Hiccup!::
Yo, Falcon, I think we need a pre-meeting on the floating skirt experiment; c’mere, honey!
VB
I could never eat a mouse raw…their little feet are probably real cold going down. :rolleyes:
Wheeeeeee!
:::zero-gravity somersault:::
Wheeeeeee!
:::zero-gravity somersault:::
THUMP!
Oops, sorry, Elelle. This weightless thing is just so cool! Hey, could somebody float me a beer?
:::gracefully snags floating beer bottle, and somersaults again:::
Wheeeeeee!
Changing my sig, because Wally said to, and I really like Wally, and I’ll do anything he says, anytime he says to.
Ah, this is the life. drinks some tequila Booze, women, space. We’re the world’s first orbiting party. Eats space food Mmmm… calimari paste.
Hey, what the hell is that out the port window!?
Jesus Christ, it’s-- did we happen to bring along Krispy Original, guys? ‘Cause that’s a frickin’ UFO.
{thump, crackle, feedback, crowd noises}
This is Loreal Sassoon, ABC News, live from NASA headquarters. We are awaiting Earnest Twitchely, PR Target and Spinmeister for NASA.
::gray faced sacrifice approaches microphone; reporters shout and circle::
Reporter: Is it true that a space shuttle has been hijacked?
Twitchely: Uh, no! Ridiculous! It’s grossly irresponsible to say that!
Reporter Then why was there an unscheduled blast-off?
Twitchely: Uh, it wasn’t unscheduled! It was secret!
Reporter: So is that why NORAD and all global defense systems went into “scramble mode” and nearly caused nuclear war?
Twitchely: Uh, exactly! A secret test isn’t real if anyone knows about it!
Reporter: So the intercepted radio transmissions are false? The chatter about tequila, beer, charred weasels and Cheese Doodles are false?
Twitchely: Urp.
Reporter: Who is crewing the flight? Is there any truth to the rumor that it includes drunks, misfits, rowdies, a Canadian heart patient, sex fiends and dead animal parts?
Twitchely: Uhh…I’d like to turn the press conference over to our legal counsel. Ms. Melin?
Wheeeeeee!
:::zero-gravity somersault:::
Hey you guys! Look out the window! Little green guys! What the…hey, they’re holding up a sign!
:: :peering out window:::
BWAAA!! You guys! The sign says “MARS NEEDS BEER!”
Well, whaddya know. Martian “Guy Stuff.”
Changing my sig, because Wally said to, and I really like Wally, and I’ll do anything he says, anytime he says to.
Cristi, that Space Helmet is beautiful! Give that Guy-al a collander, tin foil & duct tape!
Looky…if ya pour the tequila out into the air like :::this:::
Ya can do two somersaults before ya sluuuurrrrppp it up!
Wheeeeeee! Except somersaults make me feel kinda queasy. Uh-OHhhhhhhh…
(Stumbles out of cargo bay with short grey thing what bears a frightening resemblance to a tall, upright version of the weasel.)
Hey folks! I wantya ta meet me new pal Kzrszfrkl. Them kind space critters just off the port side traded me a couple hundred bottles of this here GalactiBrew (holds up oddly shaped, eerily glowing bottle) fer a case o’ Charmin.
Kzrszfrkl here thought we might be goin’ in his direction, and decided to hitch up. He don’t say much, but ye oughta see this sombitch drink!
Where’s this feckin’ oversized bottle rocket headed anyhow?
Dr. Watson
“That’s not me arm woman!”
Geez, Elelle, if you’re gonna hurl, at least have the decency to open a window and puke outside.
No…wait!
Dr. Watson, ya traded the Charmin???
Damn Guy Stuff…
: :pitiful moaning::
Oh, gaack. I think my spleen or pancreas or something is shrink-wrapped around my spinal column. “Extreme” drop theme park rides don’t
prepare for this.
::barfs tactfully in Sealemon’s space boot::
Ooooh, shit. Now people are tumbling and bobbing around. How the hell can you say “horizontal hula” when they’re…::urp::
This is not a flashback. Lights and colors are okay, but I’m seeing writhing bodies in weightless tangles, floating tequila globules and Crick feeding Day-Glo Tang to an charred wombat.
What’s that red light and beeping noise coming from the control panel?
Tequila, beer, I beg of you,
Veb
The beeping? That’s the brand-new Tequilic Drive system. Our new friends helped set it up. Their civilization was founded by a similar thread.
You see, by mastering the Tequilicastic Infidubilum-- that’s the source of the infinite tequila-- we can propel the shuttle at speeds in excess of the speed of light.
We’re headed for Alpha Centauri. I hear there’s a guy there how can hook us up with a time machine. And then it’s Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters at the Resteraunt at the End of the Universe.
The Drive oughtta be online soon. I gotta get back to work–
pauses to watch Cristi spin in the Zero-G.
in just a second. Gimme a beer.
Ground control to Major Yan.
Ground control to Major Yan.
Take your anti-nausea pills,
And put your helmet on.
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