Not lying about being pregnant; lying about being on the pill.
Lying about pregnancy is the number one reason for saying get the hell out of my life you deceitful manipulative bitch.
Even being unwilling to admit you’re wrong because you’re so emotional at the moment is pretty close to a deal breaker for me. Putting out a blatant lie on something anywhere near that scale is beyond the pale.
On the one hand, I feel like I could forgive my wife for pretty much anything – on the other hand, I could no more see her doing something like that than I could see her, say, robbing a bank.
It’s hard for me to imagine trusting someone enough to fall in love with them in the first place without being pretty damn sure they weren’t capable of doing anything like that.
Just to add to the mix: What if she lied about how she got pregnant?
That would also be grounds for “get the fuck out of my life” and “we’re getting a paternity test.” Even more so, for me. I mean, it’s no wonder women who cuckold their husbands and give them bastard children to raise keep it to themselves; they know their men won’t like it. (And for some reason, society lets women get away with it.)
How would you ever know unless she confessed? A lot of people claim to get pregnant while actively using birth control, and they stick to that story come hell or high water, but there’s no way of knowing how careful they really were. Accidents do happen even to careful people. Also, people don’t understand as much about reproduction as they think they do, like my friend who has a Master’s degree but believed his girlfriend when she said women can’t get pregnant during their periods, so they could have unprotected sex then without fear.
Depends on who she cheated with: the child might look strongly like the father (and you might know him). The child might have an incompatible blood type, or a genetic trait (like a cleft chin) that you lack. And, of course, a paternity test might show it, should there be a suspicion (like the aforementioned) that causes you to have one done.
I wasn’t talking about someone who cheated and got pregnant. That would be unforgivable. I meant, how would you know if she lied about being on birth control? She could just say, “I was on the Pill, I don’t know HOW I got pregnant!” No birth control is 100% effective, so there’s always room for someone to claim that their birth control failed when really, they weren’t on it or stopped using it without telling their partner.
This is clearly a situation for the
Dear Baby,
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.
p.s. I am gay.
strategy.
I had a vascectomy many years ago so the I’m pregnant comment would have been the deal breaker. Either…
A. She’s lieing.
B. She’s cheating.
But assuming that I were still able to father a child and this occured. It might be forgivable, but the relationship would definately be history.
I just wouldn’t tell her it was over until I had another girlfriend lined up. Getting stress relief from her would be cheaper (probably) than going to a prostitute. And would be just as meaningful.
Oh, ick. What a nasty, manipulating strategy… Sounds like a needy/greedy/non-self-sufficient woman. Yuck. Hopefully he’ll move on to greener pastures. God I hate those kind of women…
I’m trying to think of any equivalent situation I could end up in but can’t really think of anything. I’d be inclined to say “it’s over” though.
Forgive? Yes, or at least I’d stive to, as a gift to myself. I don’t like to carry around grudges and negativity inside of me.
Forget? Maintain a relationship? No freakin’ way. Someone who voluntarily inflicts that much emotional pain just for attention is unlovable in my book.
IIRC it was in askmen.com that I saw an article about paternity and it said the guy ought to compare his to the newborn’s ears. I searched askmen.com and couldn’t find the article. I did find this, elsewhere:
*Originally, paternity testing was done by comparing the appearance of the putative father and the child. Did they have the same hair color, identically shaped ears, or perhaps a similar smile? Originally, paternity testing was done by comparing the appearance of the putative father and the child. Did they have the same hair color, identically shaped ears, or perhaps a similar smile? *
http://www.ezinearticles.com/?Paternity-Testing&id=683975
I thought ears were like fingerprints 
so there shouldn’t be any identical sets…isn’t that part of the reason they take profile shots for mug shots etc.? I wonder if some of the gross anatomy, like attached/detached earlobes, may be genetically determined.
One thing that always pisses me off is when you see a show like Maury where a girl/woman says a guy is the father, and she’s 100% sure because she hasn’t slept with anyone else. Then paternity tests prove otherwise. I think they should have those girls/women back on the show after the baby is born so that the audience can administer an unholy beating.
Just adding a note. It’s possible to have babies both after vasectomies and after tubal ligations. It’s much less probable, but it has happened. Get the gene testing, if there’s a baby involved. And unless you’re in a monogamous relationship, use condoms. They protect against other things, too.
I actually worked with someone about fifteen years ago that got pregnant while sleeping with a much older guy in the office (who was married, to add even more drama to the…eh… drama). So she’s 22-ish, he’s late forties, and she tells him she’s expecting. No way, says he, I’ve had a vasectomy, you’ve been cheating on me, how dare you, outraged indignation dialed all the way up. She swears she hasn’t so much as looked at another man with lustful desire since they started using his desk for something other than correspondence.
So he refuses to do a thing, and she refuses to do a thing, and after her blessed event arrives, she names him as the father in her paternity suit. DNA testing for paternity had just begun to be widespread, and wasn’t he surprised when his test came back as positive for fatherhood – so much so he accused her of somehow faking the results, since he hadn’t been lying about his vasectomy.
It’s apparently extremely rare, but his vasectomy (which he’d had for more than a year) had “ungrown” itself somehow and whatever had been snipped had re-connected.
Child support payments ensued.
The incidence of vasectomy failure is estimated between .5% and 1%. Be sure you do your post operative testing. My nephew is an example of what can happen when you only do one post-op test.
(Tests are done 2 mos. after, but retesting should be done after a year for the reason Bricker described.)
That would be a deal-breaker for me.
I’m not a dude, so take this with a grain of salt. I would seriously wonder if the person was mentally ill. Otherwise, what kind of monster would make someone think they were going to have a baby, then say, “Oh, no, the baby died?” And even if it was due to mental illness, I’m not interested in being in a relationship with someone that crazy.
The miscarriage is just a second lie to get out of the first one. Since I assume the first one was done to leverage the guy into some action, that’s by far the worst.
I agree it is a dealbreaker, but it wouldn’t work for me, since when my wife got pregnant we were at the doctor’s together soon afterward. Kind of hard to arrange for a fake.
BTW, this lie might have unintended consequences, such as in the movie
An Officer and a Gentleman