If I believed that she was sincerely sorry for having cheated and not inclined to repeat the behavior I think that I would. I have a friend who’s wife did become prenant in this manner and he wants to save the marriage (and she also claims to want to do the same), but he says that he couldn’t stand to have her keep the kid. He’s pushing for giving it up for adoption.
I would think of this more as a case of deciding whether I was going to stay with the wife/girlfreind, I would never presume to suggest what she should do with the child. I think it would be very hard for me to stay with someone I could no longer trust, but I can’t say that it’s impossible, it would depend on the circumstances.
To clarify - If she did decide that she wanted to keep the child it would, under most circumstances effect my decision to stay with her, but I would never pressure her to give up her baby.
To the curb, no if’s, ands or buts. I expect the same if I cheat.
Oops, I didn’t say what to do with the child…it’s hers and his, they can deal with it.
However, on thing to consider is if you have children with her already. Then you’re placed in the catch-22 of either keeping the cheater and her love child around, or losing your children. I don’t think courts usually award custody to the father if the wife cheats.
How is it my decision? It’s her child and it isn’t my place to tell her to abort or put up for adoption.
If she did keep him or her, the relationship would be over, though. I’m not even sure I want a child of my own and between the infidelity and the financial responsibility of raising someone else’s child, I’d not handle it well.
For what it’s worth, you might or might not have financial responsibility for the child. In NYS, at any rate, a child conceived during a marriage is presumed to be the husband’s child. However, it is possible, with everyone’s consent, for a third person to be paternity tested and declared the father of the child. It’s one of those areas where there are a lot of variables to be considered.
If the child were the result of rape, then I’d forgive her and the child would be put up for adoption. If she were screwing around, then she’s out the door and her possessions into paid storage the same day. I’m not paying to raise someone else’s child.
If your wife/girlfriend became pregnant by another man would you keep the child?
No. Nor the wife. Or accept any economic responsibility for either for that matter.
You’d “forgive” her for being raped? 
I’m going to say that was a slip up and Quartz meant “I wouldn’t blame her. It wasn’t her fault.” but looking for a more economical turn of phrase, opted for a poor choice. I don’t think he meant it the way it came out.
If she cheated on me then she is gone. Outta here. She can do whatever she damn well wants with the child, sol ong as it’s legal. Ain’t my kid, I couldn’t care less. Let that guy who knocked you up deal with it.
If my wife got pregnant with somebody else’s baby, it would be the instant end of the marriage. I’d be calling her dad to come here with the big white trailer, and she and all of her possessions would be out of my life inside of 24 hours. I’d expect the same kind of thing if the tables were turned.
She and the child’s father can decide what to do with the child. They’ll even be free to move in together and live as a family because she and I will be leading entirely separate lives.
Obviously, I can’t answer this for myself, but my ex-husband was in this situation with his first marriage, and he stayed married to her. The child had his last name, and he was listed on the birth certificate. He had that changed when they divorced four or five years later. He told me he did it so she could stay on his military insurance, and most of the time, he was stationed in Panama while she was still in California, so they weren’t even living together. I don’t think he ever really knew the child, so he wasn’t raising it or anything, but I think some of his military income was going to her and the child.
I’m not so sure I’d do the same, if I were a guy, but at the time, I thought it was rather kind of him. She didn’t put up a fight about it when he wanted his name off the birth certificate, either, so they were both pretty amicable about the arrangement.
There isn’t a woman (or man) worth this kind of trouble, married or not. You only live once, and the thought of dealing with this for the rest of one’s life is beyond depressing. Suspicions about future children, always wondering, etc.
She either cheated or she didn’t, so I’d use Costanza’s, “you can stuff your sorry’s in a sack” and learn to be happy without the mess (wife/girlfriend included).
Just my opinon…
What if she wanted to keep the baby? Does she not get a say in the matter? Or have you just decided that you’d make your already-traumatized wife choose between you and the baby?
Not a man, but supposing I was married, and my husband got another woman pregnant. Woman died in labor or ran off and he had full custody of the kid.
Actually, I’d only be pissed at husband. Whether or not we stayed together wouldn’t have anything to do with how I felt about the kid. I’d raise it as our own if we did stay together. If we got divorced, I’d probably agree to do the same, esp. if we had other kids. I don’t think I could reject my own child’s sibling. It would undoubtedly seem cruel from the POV of my kids.
I have a friend who had a kid by her first marriage. She got divorced, and had an “oops” baby with a jerk who has made it a point to vanish since then. Her ex-husband doesn’t pay child support for Kid 2, but he does take her with him whenever he takes Kid 1 for custody. It’s a really great situation for everyone involved. Kid 2 feels like part of the whole family and gets a dad figure. Kid 1 and Kid 2 get to be together all the time, like ordinary siblings. Mom gets some help with childrearing duties.
It’s a very kind and giving man who takes responsibility for another man’s child.
If she cheated on me? I’d not leave her. If she got pregnant? Not going to happen, but if somehow it did, I’d still not leave her. If she decided to keep it and flaunt her infidelity in my face every day for the rest of my life…well, i don’t know of many that could handle the strain, whatever their initial intentions.
If she was cheating on me, then she and I wouldn’t be together any longer. If (as someone else brought up) she was raped, then it would be up to her what we’d do. If she wanted the child, then we’d keep the child.