[QUOTE=Roland Deschain]
If I believed that she was sincerely sorry for having cheated …QUOTE]
People are generally sorry they got caught, not that they cheated. She and her bastard son can go live at the battered women’s shelter or something.
Nope. I got cheated on once (well, more than once, though I wasn’t aware of it untl later), and, IMO, cheats are dirt, and their mistakes are their responsiblity. She wants support for the child? She can get a lawyer and chase the real father. I wash my hands.
well, if I had a girlfriend, she’d have to get knocked up by a guy. I’d like to be consulted on the donor, though. 
She’d be out the door. If she is untrustworthy and irresponsible I have no use for her. Rape is an entirely different kettle of fish. I’d keep and raise the kid if she were willing to.
Well my intial inclination would be “bye bye” and if it was the first and only child that would probably be the scenario. The real world problem, which I suspect at least half of thise situations fall into, is that there may already be a child (or children) present.
What do you do at that point? Because you aren’t just kicking a slut to the curb, you are also breaking it off with the mother of your children. She is likely (legally) to be able to keep the children, and quite possibly move away from you. At that point you’ve gotten rid of the whoring ex but your kids are gone too.
Is your pride and rage at being betrayed worth losing your kids? Some men just suck it up, and bring the new kid into the family. Others move on.
Funny, the difference between the responses in this thread and it’s opposite number, in which quite a few women, myself included, say they’d raise their partners love child.
Still, in a lot of communities women raise all children communally, so perhaps the nuturing instinct overrides the lack of genetic connection/sense of betrayal in some women.
As I’ve posted in the followup thread…
If my wife cheats, relationship over. I would continue to raise my OWN children in whatever way the courts allowed me to do so, but would have nothing to do with the spawn of the infidelity.
I would expect the same situation if it was me that did the cheating (though, I’ve NEVER understood the whole cheating concept)
That said my first is due in late March/Early April, but I’m sure it’s mine! 
-Butler
I think there may be a stronger reaction in men to this scenario for another reason too. That being that it’s much more likely that a man would be in this situation than a woman (since children born of casual relationships would stay with mom more often than not), so they can’t afford to be as idealistic.
What’s more, the woman wouldn’t even have to tell her partner the child wasn’t his (barring lack of sex on thier part, or a different race on the bio-fathers part), whereas a man wouldn’t have that option unless he could get the other woman to discreetly abort. So once that question of faithfullness is introduced it could taint the feelings for all existing and future children with this woman, unless paternity testing somehow becomes a given. A woman never has that issue to work through, since she knows 100% which children are hers.
It all depends on the circumstances. Personally, I’d only consider it cheating if she’s involved with somebody else (beyond just sex) and she lied about it(whether just sex or a relationship.) If my wife came to me and told me she got drunk in Vegas, screwed her ex-boyfriend, was pregnant, and wanted to keep the kid, then we’ve got a third child. I’d have to check the laws regarding child support before I’d put my name on the birth certificate though.
Now, if she was having an affair (emotional and sexual involvement with somebody else) and got pregnant, all I’d have to say is “where do you want your stuff sent and talk to my attorney about everything else.”
Peace - DESK
The differences in responses (other thread) might also be resulting from the implied threat of abortion in the senario presented in the other thread.
I’m doing so right now. As you can guess, there’s a story that goes with it.
When I got married to my first wife, she already had a 4 y/o son, who I’d bonded with in the two years prior to our marriage. His father did a vashing act btw, so I was his only father figure. She had an affair while I was away for a month of training, and said child was conceived. She actually confessed this to me at the hospital. I didn’t sign the birth certificate at her request. We stayed together, she seemed genuine in her regrets, plus like I said there was the older child then 9.
FFWD two more kids both mine, and my wife develops a drug problem and starts running around on me. I filed for divorce. I was declared his father by the court, and ordered to pay CS. That kind of pissed me off, but only because both I and the mother thought it shouldn’t be forced on me as she knew who the father was. BTW, he’s never been around eithr. But I still picked all them up for visitations.
FFWD her drug problems get worse, including delaers shooting out her windows. A couple of trips to Jail, and my stepson is starting to run wild, eventually being removed from her home and sent to a group home. I start fighting for custody, and fighting with probation department. FFWD. I got the stepson released to my custody and have full custody of the other three. Oh and I got remarried, my new wife loves all the boys , and my stepson is now going to College. You’ll have to stay tuned for the happily ever after.
PS. Last year a dumbass family member of my EX took it upon themselves to inform said child that I’m not his “real” father. I told him I’m the only father that matters. It hasn’t come up again.
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- If a wife/GF got pregnant by someone else while she was with me, it’s the door for her right then and there and her and the real dad can pay for it all.
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- Cheating I could forgive, but another man’s child would forever be a reminder, and that just wouldn’t work for me at all.
~
OMG Stuffy, what a nightmare!
How many affairs could there have been? You’ll never know, but worse than that is knowing that you’d have been better off if you never had even met this person.
…“while you were gone a month in training” …Was that supposed to be some kind of excuse for her? Man, I get pretty heated even reading this shit.
A friend of mine married a woman who brought a child into the marriage. Throughout the marriage she cheated on him. During the marriage, she had another child, whose paternity is in question. When he found out about the serial infidelity and the drug use and other things, and the marriage ended, he worked for years to get custody of both kids. He literally bankrupted himself to get his kids back. He’s a great dad.
StG
I’d still like to know if Quartz really meant “I wouldn’t blame her” , rather than “I’d forgive her.”
And even if it was the former statement, why is he assuming he can say the child will be put up for adoption? It would be the wife who had been raped and gone through hell, if she didn’t want to blame the kid, and desired to keep it, the Quartz would have two choices. One would be to split up, the other would be to suck it up and be the father figure the kid needs. But it should be the wife’s decision.
Ha! You think you’re mad now. For the last 3-4 years she has repeatedly asked for and received Welfare fraudulently for the boys. It got to where I had the Welfare Fraud Dept on speed dial, and no I’m not kidding. I’d get a summons for Child Suport, I’d pick up the phone. She was arraingned last month, she’s facing 3-5, but based on how she manages to never face consequences, I’m not holding my breath. And that’s just the tip of the Insanity Iceberg.
As for me, some of it was probably overcompensating. My own father was never in my life, and I liked being a Dad to her 4 y/o, and looked forward to starting at the begining with a baby. When the problems started again, I thought it was important for the kids that I try to keep us together. Then one day, in a moment of clarity I realized I hated eveything about my life except my boys and filed for divorce. I sought custody right from the beginning. It took 3 years, dozens of hearings, two lawyers, and somehere in the neighborhood of 20K in legal fees. This dispite the drugs, police raids, and several arrests on various charges. Oh and the State hasn’t reimbursed me a dime of the “support” they garnished from me.
So the state took money out of your checks without even making sure she had custody of the kids first? That’s insane!
Roland?
Did something happen at the swing club that you want to share?
I’d ditch the wife way before the kid even came out.
Yep, I’ve been banging my head against the wall too! Here’s basically how it worked. She’d file for welfare and start receiving it. Time would pass and the DA would get it, and sit on it. Eventually they’d set a date for a child support hearing, but if you had a previous order (which I did) they’d automtically send a garnishment letter to my employer. I’d cry foul and try to explain this to someone in the DA’s Office who doesn’t give a damn about what a deadbeat (remember months have gone by so technically “I haven’t been supporting my kids” for months) has to say. I got lucky when my original attorney discovered it was due to an active welfare case, otherwise it would have had to wait until the hearing. That first one was more than a year old, so I already “owed” more than $8500 when they started garnishing me.
Want to know what else? It’s totally fucked over my credit. In an absurd catch-22, they’d stop the garnishment, but the arrears stayed. New case more arrears. My Credit Report screamed “THIS MAN IS A DEADBEAT DAD” I haven’t received a Tax Refund despite being owed it in three years because the Feds see the “Arrears” and sends them to the County. That I shouldn’t have owed them in the frist place has no bearing it seems. My last Tax return paid off “my debt” last tax time, so I should be ok. My new attorney is waiting for me to pony up more dough, then she’ll go after the County and try to get my money back. But first, since some probation officer got her into some training program, she’ll be employed soon, so first we have to get a support order in place. I’m not optimistic, and I’m still looking at at least $7,500 in legal fees. I need to have 5k in retainer before she’ll touch going after the County.