Inspired from a conversation overheard in my office. I’m sure sure on the details, so I’ll make them up just for the sake of conversation.
You divorce your wife, who gets most of the custody of your child. (Maybe you get every other weekend.) She decides she wants to have another child, and wants both children to be true siblings. She wants your sperm, but refuses to “sleep with your sorry ass” to get it.
Do you give it to her?
No.
Angry sex or nothin’.
Nope. There are at least 3 reasons:
It’s virtually certain that I’d be on the hook for child support of this baby. I know the mother’s identity; she knows mine; and she clearly doesn’t like me much, as she describes my ass as “sorry.” That’s just asking for a lawsuit I’m not only certain I would lose, but which I don’t even think I should win.
From the way you’re describing the situation, the ex-wife would not want me to have access to the new child. I wouldn’t want to start a fight on that issue.
Doing what the OP describes would certainly create false hope in the already-existing child that his or her parents were going to reconcile. That is cruel.
Um…why would anyone even think about doing this?
Agreed, no way. Not even sure why it’s termed a “deal.” What’s in it for the guy?
How is this a “deal”? What am I getting out of it?
e: what he said, only slower.
There was a whole Frasier episode about it and he seriously thought about doing it…
I’m glad I’m not alone in this opinion.
The other person in the actual discussion kept saying “That’s a really good idea!”
Nope.
I’m female, but I can’t imagine why a guy would agree to that, either. Unless he really wants another kid, doesn’t anticipate having the opportunity to do so, and sees this as his only chance. In which case, I still think it’s a really, really bad idea, but I can see someone agreeing to it under those circumstances.
Really, the only way it’s a good idea for the man is if he also strongly thinks the child should have a true sibling.
If this was the case (especially the part about really wanting another kid), still think they only way he should do it would be to get the custody re-worked so he gets the kids much more often then every other weekend.
Seems to me that - especially in the face of potential lawsuits, child support, etc. - this is a truly stupid priority to have. Who the fuck cares if they’re “true” siblings or not?
Besides, how do you explain to potential future dates/mates that you have a child that was conveived after the divorce? It just screams “baggage! this relationship isn’t really over!” to me if I were on a 1st date and heard this.
The man would have nothing to gain and everything to lose. A truly mindbogglingly stupid idea. Whoever you overhead saying “That’s a really good idea!” cannot be trusted - beware their opinion on any future matters.
No. This idea has no upside whatever from my POV.
Oddly, having teh same mother would make the dang kids siblings. imo.
What a stupid woman, in this hypothetical.
Its a good thing that she holds no authority over me. I can safely ignore her odd opinions.
It’s not hypothetical.
This is about as good a deal as one of those timeshare sales pitches.
If I really hated my ex and she made this “deal”, I’d send her a syringe full of horse spooge on a regular basis.
The only upside is it provides 2 children with the same lineage. Makes the family tree neater.
But hell no.
But they wouldn’t be “full-blood” siblings. :rolleyes: She want’s another kid but want’s to ensure she get’s child support for it. That won’t happen if uses a sperm donor. She doesn’t want to risk having a kid the “traditional way” with another man and having him disappear or be unable to pay support (or pay less than she get’s from her ex). Of course even she use donor sperm or deatbeat sperm she can still use the child support her ex pays on both children.
You know if you used human sperm (not yours, say you pay a homeless guy to jack it) and she get’s pregnant it could lead to a very interesting court case. You wouldn’t be the biodad, no marital presumtion of paternity, and as long as you didn’t get caught the court would from think she was having sex with another guy & doesn’t want to admit it.