Last weekend after some heavy drinking I found myself pushed into a dark ladies’ room where a woman that had been flirting with me all night proceeded to hop onto my lap and start kissing heavily. This happened right after I had told her that she’s a nice lady and all but I am married and that’s a problem. She countered by telling me she’s also married, she’s really lusting for me and there’s no harm done.
The thing is, I liked it. A lot. I’ve never been kissed better. (I don’t even recall when I was kissed the last time, FTR). After a couple of weak attempts at escape I followed her onto a bed upstairs and had the best sex I’ve ever had. Everything I find missing in the sex between me and my wife was there, effortlessly.
Shit happens. I coulda left it there to fade alongside the drunken stupor. But I find myself falling for the woman. She’s in the same field as I am, unlike my wife who’s said “boy I’m glad I don’t have to do what you do”, and all kinds of lovely. She’s not only married but has a small daughter like I do. To top it off, my wife is expecting our second child. It’s a mess.
I’ve told here about my marital sexual problems. My wife knows where we’re at. She doesn’t know about my cheating, though (this is the first time ever), and I won’t be telling her for the sake of our unborn child’s safety. I want the child. I want my daughter to have a sibling. I want to be a daddy. But I’m beginning to realize I don’t want to live with the woman who gave birth to my children.
We’re I to say it’s over, my wife would instantly leave for another city two hours away with our children. I personally know how quickly a small child starts to become estranged from a person not in her everyday life anymore. The thought of not living with my kids as they grow up is unbearable. The thought of some other guy raising my children is hell. Yet at the same time I feel I’m wasting the best years of my life by not leaving. My head is about to explode.
Dude, you and the wife need to get some counseling. I don’t know what to tell you. Children should not be raised in an unhappy family either, and if your wife moves two hours away, then I suggest you follow her to help raise the tots.
I cannot condone what you did. You and the Other Woman are destroying two families along with young children. This needs to be sorted out, and NOW.
Are you sure that what you’re feeling isn’t just intense lust? It doesn’t sound like you’ve known this new woman long, and from your OP, all you’ve done is flirt and have sex. Also, how do you know she feels the same about you that you do about her? She was awfully quick to jump in the sack with you. Any idea how many other guys she’s done that with?
I agree with ivylass - get help. Since you said that you can’t remember the last time you were kissed, I assume that you and your wife have marital difficulties already.
You’re an asshole. “Oh noes, the beautiful woman wants to have sex with me, and my wife is at home fat and unattractive…” Be a man and tell your wife what’s up. Maybe she will be OK with an open relationship, maybe she’ll drop your cheating ass to the curb, her choice.
You have a common illness called, Iwantherbecauseshedoesntbitchatmelikemywifedoes-itis. There is no known cure except to stay away from other women.
Seriously, though. All women will look like a better catch because you aren’t burdened with the mundane tasks of life with them. That’s why marriage takes such a commitment. You have to decide if it is worth it to you to save your marriage or not. Half-assing it will blow up in your face sooner or later.
Erm… unless you’re leaving a whole lot out, you’re “falling for” a married woman you had drunken sex with once? Snap the fuck out of it.
As for the last time you were kissed, let me remind you it was certainly no more than five months ago. A long time for sure, but hard to forget, given your wife’s current condition.
Cheating on one’s pregnant wife is never NOT a douche move.
There are ways to dissolve a marriage and still be a father. If you want both, you’re going to have to figure it out, and probably compromise and sacrifice a little. Or a lot. I guess we’ll find out exactly how bad you want it.
Speaking as a former cheater, let me tell you that the fun part is over fast, and even if things go as smoothly as they possibly can, the rough parts are really fucking rough. I wish I could go back in time and keep myself from going through all that crap.
The best thing you can do right now is avoid that woman like she was poison.
Most people in marriages have the same urges you do to get the fuck out, at some point or another. Not everyone acts on those urges, but plenty of people do. You’re not the only person in the world who has done this, and you’re not necessarily an asshole because of it.
But you do need to think about your children. You need to be the kind of person you want them to grow up to be. You can’t ever do this again, and you need to keep things in perspective and realize how badly you fucked up and how many lives you’re going to hurt if you don’t cut it the fuck out.
What are you doing out drinking when your pregnant wife is at home?
‘after some heavy drinking’ - let’s see, what could you do different next time?
‘I found myself pushed’ - yeah. You were a *real *victim. This happened to you. You didn’t *go *into the ladies room, you were pushed. And you couldn’t stop it.
Besides that, the stupid woman you fucked told you she was married and she lusted after you. She doesn’t want a relationship. She wanted ‘no harm done’ sex. And she got it. She’s done with you.
Of course it was the best sex you ever had. It was forbidden and naughty. No one gets that with their spouse. If you were married to this woman instead and your wife came up to you at a party and fucked you, THAT would be the best sex you ever had! The grass is always greener…
I agree with everyone here…SNAP OUT OF IT! I have fantasies that I know I can’t act out, but that’s what masturbation is for, right? My husband and I are in a rut right now, but I can’t imagine putting our daughter through a broken marriage. No way. Get counseling now before you do anything else to jeopardize your family.
What’s the saying? Something like, “behind every beautiful woman is a man who’s tired of putting up with her?”
Dude. Man up, now. You’re not falling for anybody; you’re avoiding the problems you have at home. You need to decide how you’re going to resolve them while keeping your family together. (Note: I’m not saying that you need to stay married to keep your family together.)
Everything you’ve done will only destroy your family, and most likely end the chances you have of being a father for your children. Do not continue down this path. Talk to your wife. Stop being an idiot.
Get the hell away from the other woman, or leave your wife and let her find a REAL man. My husband did the same thing as you have done, so I have very little sympathy. EVERY SINGLE MARRIED PERSON feels this way at one time or another in their marriage. You are not the only one. The fact that you acted on it speaks volumes about your character and integrity (or lack thereof). Maybe your wife would be better off with a better father figure, IMHO.
I forgave my husband and our marriage improved by 150%. This came after I kicked him out and he spent weeks on his knees begging for forgiveness. We have kids, so I forgave him and we got counseling. I did it because we have small children (The most TRYING time of your marriage, FWIW). The scary part? I would have no qualms about doing it back to him if the opportunity arised. NONE. I’d do it, and without guilt. I have that power now. The rage inside never goes away, trust me. You tell her - I guarantee your marriage will never be the same. I can alsao predict with 99% accuracy that if you leave your wife to be with this other gem of a woman, she will leave you. Hands down.
Good luck with your decision, but if you’re here looking for sympathy, you won’t get any.
Yeah, you sure did resist hard there. Look at the fucking weak-ass language you’re using: “I found myself pushed.” Not “I let myself be pushed.” Not “I went into the bathroom with.” You’re all, “Gee, these things are happening to me, who knows how, and I just can’t stop them!” Take ownership of the decisions you make.
You’re not in love with this woman. You’re in love with the **idea **of this woman. All you know about her is that (a) she’s hot, (b) you have some interests in common, (c) you like fucking each other, and (d) she has no compunctions about cheating on someone she’s married to and has children with. As someone who’s married, you should know that living with someone is completely different from dating them.