Wife 5 months into pregnancy and I'm falling for another woman. Aarghh!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

In these threads, I’m usually the defender of the cheaters. I’ve been there, crossed that line, and realized I didn’t feel particularly guilty about it. But you’re just waaaay out of line. There’s no defense for you.

You’re married for one. That means it takes a lot to justify cheating. She has to be a total bitch that grates on your every last nerve before I’d give you a pass to pocket the ring on a Saturday night.

And she’s pregnant! With your kid! She can’t be feeling too great about her appearance right now and you’re running around on her. Unbelievable. If you don’t feel like a complete piece of shit because of this, perhaps I haven’t been strong enough.

Get your head straight. You’re not falling for another woman. Do your best to forget this ever happened and don’t do it ever again. You’re posting here in the hopes that someone will give you either sympathy or permission. You won’t get it.

22

Thank you for the replies. Lots of stuff I anticipated, what with my tabloidish headline and all. Not much I haven’t been thinking about myself, though. Yes, I fucked up. Yes, I’m an asshole and a douche. Yes, two families are at risk of destruction. Yes, I need to snap the fuck out of it. I am getting tested for STDs, and will not have sex with my wife until I’m clear.

Bup, Little Bird

I was away on a business trip, my wife at her parents’ house, as she’s done for more than 50 % of our time as a family (she apparently needs to be close to her mother - I see mine twice a year). She has never been home alone, pregnant or not. She is not fat or unattractive, and her being pregnant has nothing to do with the problems we have (poor sexual compatibility). She obviously doesn’t drink, but condones me drinking hard the once-a-month or so I do it. Business as usual around here. At the business trip the last night was an all-out party with me being among the least-drunk populace at 5 am when the deed was done (I was intoxicated, though).

I had no idea of having sex with anyone on the trip. At 3 am into the party, I had no idea I’d be fucking someone within two hours. Yes, I could’ve stopped any time had I wanted it hard enough. Apparently didn’t. I am not a victim but a perpetrator. I put my dick into her. Yet I would’ve never done the first, or the third move. I was the passive twat who let it happen. Tried to convey that sorry image above.

DungBeetle, Overlyverbose, DianaG,

Yes, the fun stuff doesn’t last long and one nice fuck is nothing compared to the turmoil and anguish lurking behind the corner here. I’ve done a grave mistake, and do wonder about the integrity of a mother and wife who put it out so easy.

I spent quite some time with the woman in question during the week-long trip. We had several long (innocent) discussions and lots of time to see who we are dealing with. This preceeded the fucking and is the basis for any “falling for” happening here, with lust having an obvious effect, too.

Mosier,

Thanks for your words. I am thinking of my children. Divorces within families with small children are really common these days. Several of my friends have done just that. There are worse options than ending this marriage, regarding the kids as well as my us adults.

Right now I’m dedicated to being as good a father as I can to both of my kids, other needs can wait. That’s what I’ve been doing for the past three years, save for the cheating last weekend.

23

Honestly, dude, what sort of response did you expect by posting this?

24

You have to realize that your brain is currently being flooded with love hormones that are interferring with your decision making. Listen to all the rational people here. Do not see this woman ever again. You need to have no more contact with her. Even minor contact (seeing her car, seeing her in an organization chart, etc) will get your brain into that what-if, grass-is-always-greener situation.

Go to marriagebuilders.com and visit the infidelity forums. Read through them and see the tremendous hurt you will inflict on your wife and children if you go through with this. Post your story and let them help you work through this.

Even if you are meant to be with this woman, handle the situation like a man. Raise your children with your wife until your children are out of the house. Talk to your wife in a civil manner about the issues you have and work through them. Then if the relationship is still bad, get a divorce. But don’t cheat and certainly don’t leave your family for an affair.

I’ll say it again–YOUR BRAIN IS BEING FLOODED WITH LOVE HORMONES THAT WANT YOU TO HAVE SEX. Do not let them control you.

25

Dan Savage had a great column about this once, in which a woman’s dog suddenly began giving her cunnilingus, a writer found himself pissing on himself in the bathtub, and all sorts of other incidents just began happening inexplicably to people. He said basically the same thing: No, you moron, it didn’t just happen to you, you made it happen, you’re just too chickenshit to take responsibility for the choices you made.

26

Yes, she sounds like all kinds of lovely. Married with children and screwing somebody she just met at a party. What a catch! Dude you need to stop thinking with little Toxylon. If you are unhappy with your wife, seek counseling or leave, but do not do it because of a one night stand with some skank.

27

Oh,

No sympathy-seeking here. More of a Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share. Again, thank you all for the comments.

28

What would Penis do?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXmPFJqTHKo&feature=PlayList&p=7B57129FB2173656&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=29

29

For God’s sake, don’t just go blabbing to your wife about this so that you can clear your conscience. Which is not to say I don’t believe in honesty in any relationship; I do. It’s just that the urge to “confess” is strong, as is the relief once the transgression is aired. That “relief” is also short lived, though, and this news can have not only a major impact on your current state, but it can color your entire relationship from here on out.

I’m not advocating not telling her. I’m suggesting you go talk to someone (a professional, NOT this–I’m sorry, but it must be said–trollopy skank who chases married men and is married herself and who has very much her own agenda, which may or may not include a future with you[doubtful]). I would also suggest NOT telling your wife until this not even here yet baby is at least a few months old. Why? Because not only will she feel MORE threatened and vulnerable now, those feeling continue while that child is still a newborn. Maybe not for all women or every woman, but I would hazard to say for most.

In short, you have a great deal of sorting to do ON YOUR OWN (with professional help). And just so you know, it takes 2 to make the married bedroom a hot place to be. It takes work and compromise and making it a priority (I speak from experience here). There is NO guarantee that you would have this with Ms Skank, in fact, you most likely would NOT have this. There’s a bit too much slap and tickle/forbidden-I’ve been a naughty boy air about the whole thing.

Last thing: If indeed you find that your feelings for your wife have undergone a change and you need to dissolve this marriage, please do not do so without at least attempting counseling. You have 2 utterly dependent lives to think about.

I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know, but in this state of mind, one cannot repeat the reality checks too often. Please don’t think I am just dumping on you here.

30

Thank you for the replies. Lots of stuff I anticipated, what with my tabloidish headline and all. Not much I haven’t been thinking about myself, though. Yes, I fucked up. Yes, I’m an asshole and a douche. Yes, two families are at risk of destruction. Yes, I need to snap the fuck out of it. I am getting tested for STDs, and will not have sex with my wife until I’m clear.

Bup, Little Bird

I was away on a business trip, my wife at her parents’ house, as she’s done for more than 50 % of our time as a family (she apparently needs to be close to her mother - I see mine twice a year). She has never been home alone, pregnant or not. She is not fat or unattractive, and her being pregnant has nothing to do with the problems we have (poor sexual compatibility). She obviously doesn’t drink, but condones me drinking hard the once-a-month or so I do it. Business as usual around here. At the business trip the last night was an all-out party with me being among the least-drunk populace at 5 am when the deed was done (I was intoxicated, though).

I had no idea of having sex with anyone on the trip. At 3 am into the party, I had no idea I’d be fucking someone within two hours. Yes, I could’ve stopped any time had I wanted it hard enough. Apparently didn’t. I am not a victim but a perpetrator. I put my dick into her. Yet I would’ve never done the first, or the third move. I was the passive twat who let it happen. Tried to convey that sorry image above.

DungBeetle, Overlyverbose, DianaG,

Yes, the fun stuff doesn’t last long and one nice fuck is nothing compared to the turmoil and anguish lurking behind the corner here. I’ve done a grave mistake, and do wonder about the integrity of a mother and wife who put it out so easy.

I spent quite some time with the woman in question during the week-long trip. We had several long (innocent) discussions and lots of time to see who we are dealing with. This preceeded the fucking and is the basis for any “falling for” happening here, with lust having an obvious effect, too.

Mosier,

Thanks for your words. I am thinking of my children. Divorces within families with small children are really common these days. Several of my friends have done just that. There are worse options than ending this marriage, regarding the kids as well as my us adults.

Right now I’m dedicated to being as good a father as I can to both of my kids, other needs can wait. That’s what I’ve been doing for the past three years, save for the cheating last weekend.

31

Weird double post.

32

Ask yourself if your cock is more important than your children. You’re sure acting like it is. I hope for their sakes you grow up.

We caring parents realize that hot, “I barely know you” sex is an indulgence we need to leave in the past. Having kids and doing right by them means sacrificing fun stuff. It’s not a revelation.

Please stop acting like a selfish two year old.

33

[WARNING]
Personal insults are not allowed in MPSIMS. This is plainly stated in the rules sticky.
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34

As another wife whose husband just couldn’t handle the guilt anymore and just had to confess to me “for the good of our marriage” I completely second the fact that the anger never fully goes away. Maybe for some, but not for me. Our marriage will never be the same and I will never fully trust him again. That is not to say I’m paranoid about every time he’s out late (although I was for about 4 years after his confession–it’s been about 10 years now). I also do not (never did) accost him when he would come home late with my suspicions. Look at it this way: if he’s cheating (again) on me, he’s going to lie and say he’s not. If he’s not, he will say the same thing–how am I to know the difference? I thought I knew before.
This is the biggest thing for me: When he opened up to me about the one night stand he had in Houston, I was caught completely unaware and broad-sided. I was a SAHM then, completely dependent on him for the roof over our heads. He said he was so glad to “get it off his chest” and that in doing so, “it was all over now.”

Well, clue phone: for him, it was all over. For me, it was just beginning. And given his refusal to further speak of it or hash it out with me (despite counseling), it has left a wound in our marriage that can no longer heal. We have 3 kids.

Ask yourself this: is this something you really want to live with, long-term? Perhaps the best thing you can do for your wife is to NEVER tell her, but to make it up to her in other ways. There is more here than meets the eye about your marriage and perhaps it’s time for you to closely examine that, without the clouding that forbidden sex brings with it.

I am not one to have an affair, but I do understand this poster’s mindset. This is a major game changer and next time, you may well be the loser.
I’ve said my piece twice now. I’m done. Good luck.

35

Here’s an interesting and timely article about a marriage in trouble. I don’t know if it’ll be helpful, but it may be worth reading.

36

Whoa!

It’s only a couple hours since I wrote the OP and it feels like a drug had worn off. Filmore got it. Fucking hormones mixing my head. On one hand I feel like a huge idiot for writing the OP and regret it, on the other hand it and the replies following have helped the effect subside and reality set in.

I am not falling for the woman. I have no real idea who she is. And since she cheated on her husband with absolutely no qualms about it, forget it. She contacted me on Facebook and I told her we are going to stop right now before any further damage occurs. She didn’t seem to get my point.

Snickers has it upthread: I was running away from problems at home. We sure do have 'em: no communication, little real contact, a truckload of sore, achy issues collected over many years of non- and mis-communication. We basically lead separate lives inside the same house and our marital life consists of bare necessities if those. We’re both to blame.

Tomorrow when my wife returns home I will tell her we seriously need councelling. I truly hope airing some issues under the guidance of a professional will make things better. If no, it’s time to leave. In any case, I’ll still be a great father to my kids. I’m not an asshole. I just made a huge, irresponsible, stupid mistake.

37

I’m glad to hear that you want to try to work on the problems you guys are having…although, personally I might wait a while on the counselling thing just because if you bring it up right now she might put 2+2 together and realize that the catalyst for the sudden epiphany about counseling was that something happened on the trip.

38

Point taken, lavenderviolet.

39

John Edwards, is that you?

40

Might be Ensign.

Or Sanford.

Or Gingrich.

Or Spitzer.