Guys: How accurately can you describe getting hit in the testicles?

In My Humble Opinion
1

So my girlfriend and I were discussing this story about a man getting his goobers ripped off by his lunatic wife. And the conversation moved to how women can’t really understand what it feels like to be kicked in the nuts. They can empathize, as can men with the pain of childbirth, and I’m sure every girl over the age of 10 knows that being hit there for a guy is very, very, very, very painful.

But getting whomped down there is really a pain like nothing else, so I tried coming up with descriptions of how it feels. The best I could think of was: imagine that feeling you get right before you throw up, then combine that with having the wind knocked out of you.
Can anyone do better? I’m sure you can. Plus, personal anecdotes are more than welcome.

My personal anecdote: The last time I felt that all-encompassing pain of ball abuse, I was wearing loose-fitting pants and boxers, and was quickly being squeezed into the backseat of a car. Basically, my sack and balls got twisted inside my pants, and then sat on them. So I basically did it to myself. But it really doesn’t matter if it’s a soccer ball, an angry knee, or your own stupid thigh, it’s a sickening pain that I just can’t seem to put into words.

Help?

2

No one has subjective experience of both, but I’m told that a blow to the ovaries will cause a woman to react in exactly the same way that a guy would to a blow to the nuts.

3

I’d say it feels like a mix of a cramp and being punched in the eye.

When they get twisted it feels more like a cramp and when they get hit it feels more like a punch in the eye, but the two sensations are always mixed IMHO.

4

In the novel Christine by Stephen King, there’s a description. I passed the book to Ivylad and asked him if it was accurate. He laughed wryly and said, “Yep, that’s about right.”

Something about the initial pain passing, but then there’s a dull ache that settles in your stomach for about half an hour that makes you feel like you’re going to simultaneously vomit and crap your pants.

5

The last time I had a good one (my own fault - I whacked myself full strength with a heavy baton while practicing fire twirling), I just dropped and was unable to move. I was in such a state that I couldn’t do anything apart from groan quietly, with my mouth hanging open, drooling onto the ground. I believe I may have cried too. I was by a swimming pool, and a load of tourists arrived, but I was paralyzed, and they had to step over me. It was about five minutes before I could move again, and even then I had to do so holding my shorts out because even cloth brushing against my balls was pure agony.

It’s not just the hideous pain, that in my experience extends all the way from a stabbing, bone-break feeling in the nads to the nastiest cramping ache in the internal organs, it’s a sort of… deeply unpleasant distraction.

It also makes your dick shrink.

6

I was over my buddy’s house one day and needed to borrow a pair of pants, for it got unseasonably cold one day. So, my friends are taller than I am, so I borrowed the pants of their dad. They were fine in the length, except I was squished against my thigh and the pants.

So there I am, eating dinner with a very “blah” look on my face. My buddy’s mom asks what’s wrong and I tell her that the pants are crushing my junk and the feeling is compounding with every minute.

That particular feeling was like some sort of stomach claustrophobia. It’s your stomach, feeling that it’s being slowly constricted combined with a nice, tinge of pain. Not very fun at all.

Another thing your woman must understand are a couple things concerning men and their junk. One is our personal NORAD system. If there is an object on the way, we get some slow motion vision, even if we cannot stop it (which tends to amplify the pain). We’re good at picking up objects in mid flight and identifying their angle of trajectory. We’re just not great at STOPPING them. Sometimes, it’s just inevitable.

Also, after a blow to the cock and balls, a man must curl up and perform an internal diagnostics check.

Legs? Yep, they’ve got feeling.
Arms? Yup. They’re there, too.
Torso, check in! Yep, all systems go.
Um…junk? We’re alive, captain. Not happy, but alive.

After this diagnostics check goes through, then a guy can return to moving.

I can talk for HOURS on this subject.

7

Interestingly, it’s always struck me as different from most other pain because (subjectively) there seems to be a lag time between the contact and the pain. I guess there is with say hitting your thumb with a hammer too but with this, it seems it’s longer, on the order of maybe 2-3 seconds. So, you get tagged in the nads and instantly have the dismaying thought process: “I know they got hit, hmm, maybe it was only glancing, and it won’t hurt, maybe, or maybe it will . . . . crap, yeah it does.”

8

It’s like breaking your hip from vomiting too hard.

9

Imagine if your funny bone was in your genitals and combine it with nausea, starting with a feathering of cymbals building up to a thunderous cresendo. Now that you know what’s coming, add in the suspense of wondering did something actually hit your nuts. That’s the best I can come up with.

10

Oh, and after the impact, not only did I not even think about sex for nearly three whole hours (honestly!) - I wasn’t even able to consider having sex for maybe two days after.

11

I explain it by saying you have a migraine headache in your crotch with the associated nausea.

12

The closest I can get is to say it feels like my insides are being twisted and crushed, combined with extreme nausea. The funny thing is that the feeling starts in the 'nads, but extends up a long way into the abdomen. Cupping yourself is a start, but does nothing to help with the feeling that your internal organs are being violently rearranged. Oh, and a bit of having the wind knocked out of you, too.

13

I was going to suggest really severe icecream headache (but in the groin, obviously), combined with the feeling of someone trying to pull an opened umbrella out of your arsehole. I haven’t actually tried the trick with the umbrella, but I remember one time I took a really big gulp of one of those slush drinks and was reeling around in a blind, incredibly painful stupor for several minutes.

14

Just a slight tap on the balls can make a man bend over in pain. “Take a Bow” in high school. A guy would walk up to you and more or less pat you in the nads once and it would hurt like hell! Bent you over in pain, thus the take a bow “joke” :frowning: Fun school I went to.

15

That break in the pain is what defines it to me. You get hit pretty hard down there, and the initial pain passes. You might even go into a short bout of denial during which you suppose that they didn’t in fact get hit that hard. Then, maybe ten seconds later, you curl into the fetal position, screaming, “WHY GOD?!?”

It’s like someone attached a weight to your intestines. Dervorin’s description that your insides are being twisted and crushed sounds accurate to me.

16

Closest I can come is: Imagine a 3-megaton Hydrogen Bomb with a salt-and-Tabasco casing exploded directly on your open eye. Now double it.

17

These two are the best descriptions I’ve ever read.

I don’t get why everyone keeps referring to it as pain, though. It’s nothing like pain. It’s a completely different sensation, spawned by some other dimension where the local scientists concluded that pain simply wasn’t bad enough.

18

I sprained my knee pretty badly once. I found the sensation remarkably similar apart from location.

19

I think Shagnasty’s description wins.

My only other comment is that the force of the impact has nothing to do with it, it’s the location. After I shower, I often squeegee the water off myself with my hands before towling off. Once I accidentally grazed my finger along the side of my scrotum and just happened to nick the side of a testicle, right where the little seminal tube comes out of it- holy cow, what a terrible feeling. I had to curl up right there on the cold, wet shower floor, which made the initial discomfort that much more unpleasant.

20

Imagine that somebody could reach into your asshole without you feeling it, grab a handfull of intestine, then stretch it as far as it could go, then let go. Then imagine you regain sensation the milisecond before your intestines snap violently back into place.