My SO does the same thing for me. I know I’ll get an honest answer when I ask him which is actually what I want. It’s nice knowing that when he says an outfit looks fine on me, it really does. It’s not so nice knowing that he thinks some of my clothes look funny on me, but I’d rather be told that before I leave the apartment.
He knows I have no fashion sense. He has no fashion sense either so it really has an effect when he says my outfit looks bad.
Personally, I love that frumpy dress comment. What a great way to say your clothes look funny, but you don’t.
False dichotomy.
It is perfectly possible to say “I like the green pants better.” or “You looked great in _____________.” which would be both truthful and non-assholish. Even “Those pants are hideous” moves the focus away from the person to the item of clothing.
I have just the opposite problem. My husband can’t seem to say anything negative. When I’m looking for a direct honest answer, I get “I love you, so you’re always beautiful to me.”
I know, it sounds so sweet. He is so sweet. But, It would be nice to find out before I leave for the grocery store that there’s a huge stain on the back of my pants that I missed while folding them.
I have “a friend” who tried this once. Not nearly as cool as you’d think. There is a fine line between “too think to pull through” and “softserve in your bong” and “rancid chocolate milk.” That line occurs some point between about 2-3 hits.
And I thought my friend was bad. He was about sixteen at the time, and a mutual friend of ours fourteen. This conversation did transpire:
Her: Do you think I’m fat?
Now, any sane teenage male would know what sort of danger that question is, and in some way avoid it. But not my friend. Oh no. What does he respond? Him: You could stand to lose some weight.
I’ve never understood why some women would get mad for answering a question honestly. My thinking on it is, if you don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask the question.
Now, if you didn’t ask my opinion then it would be assholish of me to say it’s an ugly dress or whatever. But if you asked me, it’s all on you.
I think you’ve got it right, even in a straight relationship. When I’m shopping with my husband, I know he’ll tell me what looks good and what doesn’t. He’s usually careful how he says it (e.g. “I don’t like the way those pants drape on your hips - they’re not flattering.”), so I don’t feel fat, just in the wrong pair of pants.
HOWEVER… he’s not always quite so diplomatic!
He’s always had a thing for blonds. I’m a brunette. One night, I brought home a long, blond wig that we were using for a sales video at the office. It was the old 60’s look, a part down the middle, straight down and long and very platinum. If you ever saw the “Mod Squad,” it was Peggy hair. Unlike Peggy, though, I’ve got a long face and very pale skin. Anyway, I put on a very sexy nightie, put on the wig, got into bed, and called my husband to come into the bedroom. He walked into the room, stopped dead in his tracks, said, “Not your colour, not your style,” burst out laughing and went back to what he had been doing.
He claims he never noticed the nightie. I claim he’s damned lucky I have a good sense of humour!
My boyfriend doesn’t tell me when something looks bad on me, but when he thinks something looks good on me, he’ll let me know. He’ll let me know every time I wear that particular pair of pants/shirt/underwear/whatever.
If something looks bad, usually he’ll just say it looks “weird”. Which is fine by me, I do have a few articles of clothing that just don’t fit me right but hey, sometimes all the other stuff is dirty, you know? But he would never say something hurtful to me about an outfit.
When the Mrs and I go shopping, she’ll ask for my opinion on things and I give honest, carefully considered answers. Thankfully, we have the same tastes in most things clothes-y, so it’s kinda easy on me.
Ferinstance, a few months ago she wanted to check out some odd boutique nearby. The clothing was “inspired by the shapes and styles of Morocco” or some such, and as such, was blousy, flowing, and suprisingly versatile. Anyway, she pulls a few things off racks and hides in the dressing rooms while I wait outside and peruse a copy of Vogue.
The first one just Didn’t Work, she said “I don’t think this works,” and I agreed.
The second one I rather liked but she didn’t, and we said as much. I made gentle defense of my views; “Look at it from behind, it’s kinda got a nice effect there…”, but in the end agreed that from the side it wasn’t her.
The third we both got excited about. I briefly channeled my mother and got very giddy and helped her find interesting ways of wearing it. It’s in the closet right now, and I’m not.
Apparently I’m an oddity, though, 'cause I have a friend who is patently NOT ALLOWED to go shopping with his wife, simply because he has as much tact and taste as a shit-smeared brick.
In my defense, after realizing that I had just made a descriptive error, I did explain that I meant you’d look good if you were wearing the top that went with the pants. I did not mean if you looked like the model.
I’ve never understood the “guys can never describe their SO as anything but a supermodel” thing either. Then again, I married a man who is utterly, transparently honest.
Full disclosure: I am fat, and have been for several years (but am working on it, 25 pounds lost, yay). I still remember a while back, when I was still gaining weight, and I was trying on a little summery shorts thing. I came out of the dressing room, and Mr. S approved of it with this comment: “It doesn’t make you look fat.”
Now that would have made some women go ballistic, but I knew that HE knew my concerns. If it made me look fat, I would want to know.
Similarly, I used to make loose tops out of sarongs and sell them, mostly to oversize women, and Mr. S came up with a great way to describe them: “They’re very forgiving.” A nice way to say that they hide your rolls and other flaws while still looking pretty.
I also know how to gently tease Mr. S about being short (5’6") in a way that says I love him exactly how he is. Like standing up on my tiptoes so he can slouch a bit and stick his face into my boobs.
Geez, Scarlett , and you say he’s too short? Sounds like he’s just tall enough to get at the goods.
This reminds me of a wonderful thing my father once said:
He was in high school and a bunch of friends were out in the park, drinking. So, this girl comes over and says “Bob, this girl really likes you. Go say something to her.” Well, my dad had a few. The girl that liked him was…um…bigger than most.
So, he offers this gem up for her consumption:
“Wow. For a fat girl, you sure don’t sweat that much.”
Fat Girl cries and the other girl yelled “Bob, i said to say something NICE!”
“I thought I did!”
Ah, that’s my dad.
I hate to burst your bubble about your dad, but that line has been around for a very long time. Don’t know the origin, possibly an old Little Rascals, but that story is as old as the hills and not your dad’s original thought.
My husband does the same thing. “You always look beautiful to me.”
That’s great, but it would be nice to hear a difference between first thing in the morning and after spending an hour gettting dressed up for something!
Another fun and related question, although far, far less life-threatening, is the “this or this” question. “Should I wear this or this?” The best part about it is that I’m clearly being used as a rule-out kind of thing. Almost inevitably, the one I picked goes back in the closet.
so it really has an effect when he says my outfit looks bad.