There’s a ton of them out there, we all know it. But few of us out there have crossed the line of actually saying it.
So, what have you said that you shouldn’t have?
In the case of my roommate, he once told a girl he was getting intimate with, “How come you don’t like that? Lisa liked it that way?”
It didn’t help much that the girl he was with was named Karen, and the girl he was referring to was his past girlfriend who the current girl knew all to well of… and hated.
He got into some shit with that one.
In my own case, it happened while watching a porno, ages ago, and with a girlfriend.
My words of wisdom as I watched the movie were, “Hey, that gal kinda looks like you! Wow, look at what she can do!”
It was all downhill from there.
So, make me feel better, what shouldn’t you say to a woman that you’ve actually said?
I still have been unable to live down “Your hair is so soft…it usually feels like straw” (!) I truly said it without thinking. Maybe it is a good thing I am gay…
I once told a very very pregnant woman she reminded me of a beached walrus. Honestly, I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. But she wasn’t very open to my explanation.
“No, you can’t possibly be drunk! You weigh too much!” – said to someone who’d only been gone a short while and was pretending to be drunk. Not smart to be reasoning out loud like that.
I’m not a guy, but I’ve had plenty of guys say stupid stuff to me At my junior prom my date said “don’t you think that dress makes you look a little wide?” Now, I am 5’7" and at the time was about 135lbs, and all my friends agreed I looked nice. He immediately knew he’d made a mistake, but a year and a half later, he still hasn’t made up for it.
right after my then-girlfriend mentioned her roommate-
me: “god, i had a helluva dream about her last night.”
i choked on the word “night” because i realized what i was saying.
i *still *can’t believe i said that.
“Why don’t we ask (wife’s best friend) over one night to show us how to cook!” Now, my wife’s friend does have years of experience as a line and pastry chef, but that doesn’t make my comment any less offensive.
Yeah, my ex wife did teach me that one. This can be especialy dangerous if you happen to be right too.
As far as my stupidest thing I ever said;…“sure I’ve thought about other women while we’ve had sex. Thats normal aint it?” Duh… I think I got cut off for a month on that one…
Actually, this one isn’t too bad. and it was funny.
A female friend and I had been out drinking, when we got back she said she had to pee like a race horse. My response: “You mean standing up?”
While in college, at one point in the evening some of the guys were lifting some of the girls. When asked, one petite lass said that she weighed 95 pounds. Which led me to observe, “95 pounds? That’s the size of a large dog!” Nope. Didn’t get any that night.
I have vague recollections of getting beers tossed in my face a couple of times - a pretty startling occurrance when you get a face full of beer in a bar, believe me - but no recollection of my undoubted witicisms which led to my drenchings. I have not doubt but that they were well deserved.
Worst brain fart to the current Ms. D: we were watching a movie or show with an actress “of a certain age.” Ms. D says, “Wow, I wish I look like that when I’m 50.” You know how I responded. “Seeing as you don’t look that good now, what makes you think you’ll be in that much better shape when you are 20 years older?”* (Followed immediately by the thought, “Damn, did I say that out loud?”)*
A couple of years ago, when Mrs. Watermelon and I were still dating, we went to a wedding together. She took a lot of time to dress up and put on make-up…
Then we went out to the wedding, and on the way she asked hte question to end all questions…
“Do I look beautiful?”
[sub]By the way, she is one gorgeous woman!!![/sub]
And, upset because of wating that much, and afraid we would be late for the ceremony, I said:
“Naturally, you look beautiful. Hey, if I spent that much time in front of the mirror, I would look stunning, too!”
We didn’t have a night full of entertainment, as anyone can guess!
A buddy of mine works incredibly early at a health club. I believe he’s at work by 4a.m. or something awful like that. At any rate, one night he went to a party and unexpectedly stayed out drinking and carousing all night, right up until he was due at work. He went to work and then a play rehearsal afterwards and then went on a date! This girl was from out of town and had driven in specially to see him and even planned to spend the night. They had e-mailed and spoken on the phone quite a bit, so my buddy knew there was a pretty good chance he was going to get lucky that night. He just couldn’t bring himself to cancel! After a very long date (I think they had dinner and went bowling or something) they went back to his place. He had managed to get her naked, into his bedroom and he’s straddling her, giving her a backrub. He has now been up for nearly 48 hours and as he’s rubbing, he keeps falling asleep and just barely catching himself before he slumps over on top of her. She’s talking to him and it’s all he can do to just barely keep it together. Finally he falls completely asleep, slumps over and they conk heads. Completely aghast she says, “Are you falling asleep?”. And in his confused and sleep-deprived state he says "I’m sorry Mom, I love you."
That is one of my all time favorites. I laughed for about 15 minutes after he told me that story.
Oh, I wish I had a nickel for every time I’ve said something to a woman that I shouldn’t have said. I’d be one wealthy guy, let me tell you! My personal favorite:
I was alone with a woman I was just beginning to get romantic with. I was standing behind her with my arms around her and our hands intertwined in front. She said something like, “ooh, your hands are so warm!” The perfect response immediately pops into my head and I feel an overpowering urge to say it. I try to fight it, but I realize that my very nature compels me to say what I know I shouldn’t. I realize what this might cost me, but I have to say it anyway: “Yeah, that’s 'cause I keep 'em down my pants.” As you might expect, her response was to throw my arms off her and yell, “UGH! GROSS!” I immediately burst into uncontrollable laughter. It all worked out in the end, though - we still ended up dating for a while (and she even had sex with me, too - go figure).
At my junior prom my date said “don’t you think that dress makes you look a little wide?” Now, I am 5’7" and at the time was about 135lbs, and all my friends agreed I looked nice. He immediately knew he’d made a mistake, but a year and a half later, he still hasn’t made up for it.