Oh, spare me. That snippet is so easy to dismantle, I’ll let Joel, Crow, and Tom Servo take a crack at it. Hey, guys?
G.W. Bush: First, I take responsibility for putting our troops into action. And I made that decision because Saddam Hussein was a threat to our security and a threat to the security of other nations.
Joel: An infinitely small threat, but still a threat!
Tom: A threat even smaller than his election victory.
Crow: Can’t go much farther than one justice, can you?
G.W. Bush: I take responsibility for making the decision, the tough decision, to put together a coalition…
Tom: Two’s a pair, three’s a triplet, four’s a coalition!
G.W. Bush: …to remove Saddam Hussein. Because the intelligence – not only our intelligence, but the intelligence of this great country – made a clear and compelling case that Saddam Hussein was a threat to security and peace.
Joel: Paging George Tenet, paging George Tenet. Please pick up the white courtesy phone.
G.W. Bush: I say that because he possessed chemical weapons and biological weapons.
Tom: …back in 1990.
G.W. Bush: I strongly believe he was trying to reconstitute his nuclear weapons program.
Crow: Because Paul Wolfowitz told me so, and he looks trustworthy to me!
G.W. Bush: And I will remind the skeptics that in 1991, it became clear that Saddam Hussein was much closer to developing a nuclear weapon than anybody ever imagined. He was a threat.
Joel: Back in 1991!
Tom: A blink of an eye, in geological terms.
Crow: You don’t have eyes.
G.W. Bush: I take responsibility for dealing with that threat.
Crow: But not the responsibility of the false information I used to justify the “threat.”
Joel: Paging George Tenet, paging–
Tom: Stop.
G.W. Bush: We are in a war against terror. And we will continue to fight that war against terror.
Joel: At least, our soldiers will. I’ll be staying back here, where it’s safe, taunting the terrorists some more.
G.W. Bush: We’re after al Qaeda, as the Prime Minister accurately noted, and we’re dismantling al Qaeda. The removal of Saddam Hussein is an integral part of winning the war against terror.
Crow: …even though he had nothing to do with al Qaeda.
Tom: Even Congress said so!
G.W. Bush: A free Iraq will make it much less likely that we’ll find violence in that immediate neighborhood.
Joel: Pay no attention to the daily casualty counts from CentCom.
G.W. Bush: A free Iraq will make it more likely we’ll get a Middle Eastern peace. A free Iraq will have incredible influence on the states that could potentially unleash terrorist activities on us.
Tom: Yeah, I hear recruiting among the anti-American terrorist groups has jumped 300% already.
G.W. Bush: And, yeah, I take responsibility for making the decisions I made.
Crow: That’s because Dick Cheney makes all the big decisions!
(Yeah, it’s silly, but I’m missing this year’s TFMST3K production, and the jokes had to go somewhere…)