It’s a well known fact that Mary Todd Lincoln preferred to keep a nice smooth mons.
Ok, let me try
Q: Why are depressed East Prussians so high prized by gearbox manufacturers
A: Because everyone knows you need Blue Prussian to set gears!
In the oval office…
Chief of Staff Andrew Card: Mr. President?
Bush: [ …stares blankly ahead at the wall… ]
Card: Mr. President? You wanted to see me?
Bush: I was just lookin’ at that portrait of Abraham Lincoln. Did you know he was a Republican?
Card: Yes, sir. But that’s Andrew Jackson.
Bush: No, I think he was a Democrat, wudden 'e? I always get him mixed up with Andrew Johnson.
Card: I meant that the portrait is of Andrew Jackson.
Bush: [ …nodding… ] That’s what I was thinking, too. But my mind, I had my mind on Andrew Lincoln.
Card: Abraham Lincoln, sir.
Bush: Right.
[ …long awkward silence… ]
Card: Mr. President?
Bush: Andy?
Card: You asked to see me, sir?
Bush: I did, Andy, yes. I want to get people to start thinking of me as Abraham Lincoln.
Card: [ …dumbfounded stare… ] Yes, Mr. President.
Bush: Now, I need to learn all I can about this man. You can get me briefed?
Card: Of course, Mr. President.
Bush: An’ I don’t mean the elementary school stuff either. Don’t tell me about ‘im choppin’ down the cherry tree and all that. I already know all that stuff. [ …leaning forward… ] I want to know things he said. Things he did. Get with the Secretary of State and find out if he was from Texas.
Card: [ …sighing… ] Yes, sir.
Bush: I’m gonna make this a top priority. I want you to get your people to come up with a slogan. Sump’m like “President Bush: Lincoln without the powdered wig”.
Card: Yes, sir.
Bush: I want to talk about how he fought terrorism during the Revolutionary War, when our nation was split in half, and when Texas was still the largest state. In fact, why don’t I make a speech in Texas?
Card: I, sir, I’m just. I don’t. Texas, sir. Yes, sir.
[ …Dick Cheney walks in… ]
Bush: Dick! Come tell me what you think of this idea. Andy? Tell 'im.
Card: Um, the President wants people to identify him with Abraham Lincoln.
Bush: [ …beaming… ]
Cheney: [ …removing his glasses… ] Mr. President, I don’t believe it is a good idea.
Bush: Why not?
Cheney: Too many issues. The whole Civil War thing. Very messy.
Bush: But I’m a war president.
Cheney: Yes, sir. But Lincoln hated his war.
[ …long silent pause… ]
Bush: Oh.
Card: [ …looking at watch… ] I have a meeting on the Hill, Mr. President.
Bush: Capitol Hill?
Card: Yes, sir.
Bush: What were you and I talking about before?
Card: Abraham Lincoln, sir.
Bush: Dick?
Cheney: Yes, sir.
Bush: What did you come in here for?
Cheney: You sent for me, sir.
Bush: Andy, you need him on the Hill with you?
Card: No, sir. Thank you, sir.
Bush: Okay. Well. You two can go, and I’ll call you when you need me.
Card: Yes, sir.
Cheney: Thank you, Mr. President.
Let’s see:
When we fought in the Civil War, it was brother against brother.
In today’s military, we regularly enlist a fair number of brothas.
Hey, I’m getting the hang of this.
Well, there’s a decent chance that Iraq will descend into all out Civil War on June 31st (I know). So maybe the analogy is not all that inaccurate. Maybe we can get Bush elected president of Iraq? Does anyone know what’s in the constitution we’re writing for them.
Oh, and Libertarian, that was priceless. Do you write that kind of stuff for a living?
Thanks, Shib, but no. Actually, I pay them. $4.95 a year. 
Lines like this make me wish we a fund to pay for keyboards that have been sprayed with tea-spewed-through-the-nose.
My nose hurts now.
Thanks, all, for the belly laughs. I needed 'em today.
Indeed. Best laugh I’ve had all day.
There’s a first time for everything.
And props to Libertarian for a giggle-worthy skit. Nice to know you have some value after all. 
Bush has presided over some troubled times, and has taken some firm stands and big risks in the face of much opposition. If things play out right, he will likely be regarded as one of America’s great presidents, once the dust clears. If they don’t, he might be regarded as one of the worst. Time will tell.
GWB: the greatest since Lincoln? Nah! The greatest since (and after) Reagan? Yes!
Bravo!!!
I predict, this post is destined to be a considered a SMDB classic.
Are you sure? Are you sure he’s the greatest both since and after Reagan?
I see your point.
I just wanted to make sure no one took it to mean that he was the greatest since Carter.
I’ve already sent a copy of the OP and Lib’s skit to a whoooooole bunch of people.
Point One: Lincoln won the war; Bush started the war.
Point Two: Lincoln said (or repeated): You can fool some of the people all of the time, you can fool all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time. Bush said: Fool me once – shame on you, fool me twice, er, ah, don’t get fooled any more – it’s an old saying we have in Texas, or Tennessee, or some place.
Point Three: Lincoln was a master of the English language well schooled in the rhetoric of the King James Version, Shakespeare and Robert Burns. Bush doesn’t read much.
Point Four: It took this country more than a century to recover from Lincoln’s Administration. We should be so lucky with the Bush Administration.
Point Five: Lincoln imposed income taxes as a war measure. Bush wants to eliminate income taxes as a war measure.
While Lincoln was well-versed in the King James Version, Bush has a brother named James (and by “James” I mean “Jeb”). Where Lincoln often read Shakespeare, Bush loves the movie “Shakes the Clown.” And while Lincoln’s favorite author was Robert Burns, Bush loves that Mr. Burns character on The Simpsons.
I’m afraid I’m gonna need cites from both of you. And not just anecdotal evidence. I want pictures!
Hell, I’ve already got a picture of Pat Boone with his dick out. Why not a nice photo (daguerrotype?) of Mrs. Lincoln’s whisker biscuit?
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Lincoln’s assasin hid in a book depository. Bush refused to make his assasinations camel suppositories.
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Lincoln was shot on a Friday. Bush might get shot today, and it is Friday.
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Lincoln freed the slaves. Bush has seen the Slavs.
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Lincoln’s children all died. Bush’s children will die.