Who, moi? I’m stressed. I almost started a Pit thread the other day about the assbags I work with. But seeing your posts always brightens my day a little.
(Remembering the prohibition against flirting in Pit threads)
Wanna hump, babe?
I laughed, I cried, I stood up and I cheered. I think a little nose thumbing might have been in order - but then you’re obviously more mature about such things.
I caught part of that for the first time the other night. If drunken Jimmy Stewart hadn’t quit yelling “C K Dexter Haven”, I was about to put a brick through my TV. Or turn it off, which ever was easiest.
Or his last name was Zupriski.
What a turd, though.
Personally, I like this line best.
But “Cheater, Cheater…” was good too. 
I was really hoping the story had a different ending. In a perfect world, it would have gone like this -
It’s the drivers first day on the job. As he nervously drives the bus down the road, he sees Line-Jumping Guy on the corner, waving. The driver knows this is not a bus stop. Not wanting to get into trouble on his first day of work, he doesn’t stop. He drives past a bewildered looking Line-Jumping Guy.
Then it starts to rain.
Yes, I did get my Doper name from Clerks. That’s one of my favorite scenes.
I remember the first time I saw Line-Jumping Guy do his thing. Walk out the door, take the five steps required to get to the bus stop, fidget for a couple of minutes, walk a block, stand, wait, flag bus.
I remember getting on the bus and seeing him sitting there, alone but for two other passengers.
I thought to myself, “Wow, that’s pretty dick.” But I wasn’t confused yet, because I had just moved to the area and had no idea that every damn bus at that time was just as empty.
One day, probably right before I move, I’m just going to ask him. Hopefully it won’t involve shirt-grabbing or shaking or screaming “what the FUCK?” But i make no promises.
I think there is a certain section of the Inferno reserved for line-jumpers.
This was beautiful! ::sniff:: The sheer majesty of it brough a tear to my eye.
Picture it: Woman stands half-way between two lines, A and B, trying to reserve her place in both until she can determine which line will move faster.
I choose line A because I am not going to play the fence-sitter game and stand behind her. I am going to pick a line, dammit.
Woman gives me the squinty-eyes but doesn’t say anything. She continues to attempt to exist in two places at once.
As soon as line A moves forward, woman sidles up next to me and mumbles “I was here”.
Me: Wha?
Woman: Yes, sorry… but I was right here.
I felt like saying "I’m sorry but no - you were right over there.
But I opted not to make a scene. I gave up my place and simply shifted over to line B.
Almost immediately, line B marches forward, with everybody forking over cash or using debit cards for super-speedy transactions. No price checks, no small talk.
I look over at line A to see how Line Jumper is doing. The person at the front of line A is attempting to use a personal check. The machine that reads the magnetic data on the check can’t read it, for some reason. So the cashier calls the manager for a check approval. By this time I am at line B’s register paying for my jelly beans and ice cream scoop. I look over to line A, the register tape has run out. Cashier doesn’t know how to replace it. Has to call the manager back for help.
As I walk toward the door with my purchase, I am steeped in the joy of knowing that the Line Jumper hasn’t moved an inch in line A.
Life is good, sometimes.
In my part of the world the only people who succeed in flagging a bus down anywhere but the bus stop are;
- attractive females between the ages of 18 and 25.
- wizened females over the age of 70.
Anyone else can wave all they want, the bus isn’t stopping. And they better hope there’s no roadside puddle that can be driven through either.
Very fun story
reminds me of Running Man. This was the guy on the ferry who had to be the first one off the boat—knocking old women, kids out of the way to be the first one off the ferries each day. Drove everyone crazy. Had his two bags slung criss cross across his shoulders like a bandito.
My favorite Running Man story had to do with a bus though. The ferry comes to West Seattle and they have 2-3 buses waiting for it. So all the walkon passengers on the ferry schlep off and get on the busses for the ride downtown. Usually the busses take off once the passengers are loaded on (even though they might be 1-2 minutes ahead of schedule–but no one else is getting on the bus, cause the ferry is empty now).
So on this particular day, there was a new driver and Running Man was on the front bus and the bus just sat there after everyone got on. Now I am on the second bus behind, and we all were wondering what was going on, but obviously we can’t leave until the bus in front of us leaves. But then again who really cares–who is that anxious to get to work right?
But suddenly there is Running Man and he is pounding on the bus door for the driver to let him onto our bus. So he does–and we wait there for a minute or two and then the busses take off. Didn’t think anything about it.
However later that day I talk this over with someone who was on the front bus about what the issue was and then I found out the whole story.
Evidently the front driver was not going to budge until it was time to leave. Doesn’t matter that no one else is getting on the bus, the schedule says the bus leaves at 6:45 and it isn’t leaving a minute earlier. Evidently Running Man had a huge issue with this and is arguing with the driver and finally is so agitated that he yells out “let me off this bus!” and so the driver obliges and that is how Running Man ended up on our bus. After he leaves everyone on his bus was wondering what the issue was.
But more important to me was what the fuck was running through Running Man’s mind? The front bus isn’t going anywhere–where the hell does he think ‘we’ are going? Hello dumb fuck–see that big bus in front of us–we aren’t going anywhere until he goes!
I just can’t believe anyone would get that worked up about being there first.
damn–I wish I knew about the ‘cheater cheater booger eater’ line
I love, it I love, it I love it! Happy Scrappy Hero Pup you are one hell of a good story teller. Thanks for the laugh. I will probably be smiling for the rest of the day.
Best piece of writing I’ve seen on the SDMB thus far in 2005. Hats off to the OP for a terrific rant.
I laughed. I cried. I ate my boogers.
HSHP, you
are
the
king of rant
there is none higher
sucker SDMBers should call you sire.
word
I have my own Running Man story. The trains here have double doors that slide apart to open, then slide back together to close. They have soft rubber strips where they meet. One day the train was about to pull out so the doors closed. Running Man ran up to the train, shoved his hand into rubbery part where the doors meet, then shouted “Help! My hand is stuck! Stop the train! Heeeeeeelp!” The train, being largely mechanical, did not care. It went on its merry way. RM, realizing that his clever plan was foiled, withdrew his hand. He didn’t fool the conductor, but he sure fooled a few passengers. “Did you see that? That poor man almost lost his arm! These train people should be ashamed!”
**Line-Jumping Guy’**s train-riding brethren are a different story entirely, especially here in New York.
They jam whatever they can fit, sometimes a bag, sometimes an arm, into the doors,t hen try to worm their way in, or dodge the guillotine of the open-shut-open-shut move the conductors do to clear the doors. This serves only to inspire ill-will among the people into whose car they stumble, since the time this idiot wasted bruising his arm and making us wait is generally the exact amount of time it would have taken for the next fucking train to come.
What people don’t realize about the trains here: they’re not based on the elevator-door principle. Jamming something inside does not cause them to reopen, it causes them to trap whatever you jammed in there. Furthermore, the conductors aren’t always looking, and the the functionality of the indicator that all the doors have not shut properly is not something on which I would like to bet my physical well-being, or my life.
So, I do what any good Samaritan would do in such a situation. When I see someone do this, I get right up close to the doors, wait for a little slack, smile helpfully…
and then I push them back out.
Funny, this seems to pique them. I guess they just don’t have the perspective to realize I just saved them. Ah well, ignorance is bliss.
For some reason, I found this unreasonably hilarious. Blob, heh.
In San Francisco, people sometimes form an angry, writhing mass. The drivers are rather infamous for not giving half a shit about the riders. Once I saw an electric bus pass a stop despite only being half full. The driver, thinking her bus was suitable for NASCAR, tried to hang a turn half a block down way too fast. The power poles came off the line, caught on a line support, and ripped a whole section down to the street.
Loved the sotry, Happy Scrappy. I think it would be funny to follow Line Jumping Guy to his ersatz bus stop and wait with him there. It would be even funnier if you could get the rest of the folks at the real bus stop to come along.
Maybe you could give us his address and we can all send him postcards saying “Cheater, Cheater, Booger Eater!”
**HSHP[/p]:
Yes, there is justice in the Universe. I’ve seen it once or twice myself. Is it possible for you to make it to the posted stop before Line-Jumping Guy’s point of departure, so that you can give him a shit-eating grin when he gets on?
I know, I know - it’s immature and petty to respond or otherwise get riled up, but dammit! my Adult isn’t strong enough to overrule my Child (for all you TMers out there).
Vlad/Igor
HSHP:
Yes, there is justice in the Universe. I’ve seen it once or twice myself. Is it possible for you to make it to the posted stop before Line-Jumping Guy’s point of departure, so that you can give him a shit-eating grin when he gets on?
I know, I know - it’s immature and petty to respond or otherwise get riled up, but dammit! my Adult isn’t strong enough to overrule my Child (for all you TMers out there).
Vlad/Igor