Half brother or sister that you’re not aware of. Do you want to be told?

You’re adults, that is you and your other 2 siblings. Your parents are gone now, you all live relatively close together within a 3-4 hour drive. The same part of the country you lived in all your life.

One of your cousins has discovered beyond a doubt you have a half sister. She is half the continent away and neither her, nor her mother, were ever near the area you live in. However there is no question about it. The DNA, the family history, what the father was doing and where he was way back then. It all fits. There is a half sister out there, and she is the same relative age as all of you.

Would you want to be told?

For reference I am the cousin in the know that figured this all out. I am mulling over how to go about this.

Yes, I asked my father this specific question when he was very drunk a few years ago because I always deeply suspected it. He told me that it was likely but he was not certain. He gave me the details and I even know the people in question quite well. There could potentially be others because his level of philandering would make Bill Clinton blush.

I promised never to mention it to my other siblings or pursue it in any way whether it is true or not. Oddly enough, that was enough to satisfy my curiosity and I rarely think about it anymore. The only thing that counts is me and my two younger brothers that were created when my parents were married. I have had so many step-brothers, step-sisters, pseudo-siblings, fake cousins, ex-cousins and everything else that I don’t even care anymore. I decided a long time ago that I restrict my family relationships to my own children first, then my parents followed by my proven brothers and their kids. I take everyone else on a case-by-case basis.

I would. There could be legal ramifications, so I wouldn’t want to be blindsided by a lawsuit.

I’m also into family history, so I’d love to know it.


Not into drama.

I would want to be told. I do know about half siblings of others and have to keep quiet about it though.

Yes. Genealogy geek. The family tree completionist in me couldn’t ignore it.

No. Don’t care. Not even a little.

Yes. I’m not sure whether I would ever make contact or not, but I’m not big on other people making the patronising choice to make my decisions for me. If there’s information that’s relevant to me, I deserve to have it. I’m perfectly capable of deciding what to do with it all by myself, like a grown-ass adult.

I found out this very thing. It was exciting at first. But then after talking to them a couple of time on Facebook. And meeting one of them for lunch. You soon discover… meh, they’re just strangers.
No cosmic connection. No tears of joy like you see when they do these types of shows on TV.

That being said, I would definitely want to know.

This happened to me. I wouldn’t care if I was told or not. If the new sibling wanted to reach out and get family medical history etc. I’d be happy to help.

I’d want to know.

This recently happened to a friend of mine. She finally got to meet up with her half-brother and they are becoming great friends. Her other half-siblings aren’t interested in meeting her.
It has been an exciting, happy experience for her. I think she always felt a bit of the odd one in the family, now she’s met someone who is a lot like her.

Yes, good to know for medical information sometimes.

Yes, I would want to know.

Yes, of course I’d want to know. And I would hope that he or she is a nice person and that we could build a familial relationship.

What drama?

My wife, a few years ago, had occasion to meet her father’s other ex-wife, and one of her stepsisters. She knew she had them, but knew little or nothing about them. They have since become very good friends, and see each other regularly. So such a meeting turned out to be a very positive development in her life.

You define any sort of potentially emotion-heavy situation as “drama”? And you’re not into it? Even if it might involve pleasant emotions? Like a Vulcan?

Come on, there’s gonna be drama, right? I’d just as soon skip it.

My husband has a full sister that was put up for adoption before he was born. He was then raised by his parents. He didn’t know she existed. She reentered their lives when he was twelve and she was 21 - and his parents were divorcing (in part over that - my father in law, sort of a dick).

No, I wouldn’t want to know. They don’t have anything in common - she was raised by religiously conservative people and we’ve cut her out of our lives after she has said some very nasty things about gay marriage - our daughter is queer and one of his cousins is queer - and she isn’t allowed in the house any longer - nor will I attend any function she is at. But his mother keeps trying to force a family relationship - as have his aunts and cousins (although the cousins are more divided after this last stunt). This has now been going on for 38 years.

And that’s the drama.

I would be interested to know from a purely informational standpoint.

It really wouldn’t make much of a difference, though. I have very little contact with my family and prefer to keep it that way. If I’m just now hearing about them, they probably knew what was good for them and feel the same way I do.