Yuck.
Yum!
I’ve discovered that, as long as you get a good quality potato bun and not some dry awful regular bun, the part I like least about hamburgers is, in fact, the meat. Now I haven’t had Kobe ground beef or anything like that, but for the most part I find ground beef to be…bland. And frankly, people who make their own burgers tend to not buy good enough beef and not put enough spices in for me to escape the bland part. And even then, all I’m tasting is spices, not beef. So if you hand me a burger that is more than 1/2" to 3/4" thick I’m gonna be sitting there tasting mostly bland ground beef being entirely dissatisfied. I need a better condiment to beef ratio to cover up the beef. Too round and of course the condiments slide off. The condiments are what make a hamburger palatable. You’re not getting anywhere with me without cheese and ketchup at the very least. So make 'em flat and thin, high in fat, and heat 'em hot. And make sure to thumb in the middle. AND and, char is a good thing.
In the end though, finding a burger I actually truly enjoy and would look forward to is rare. I’ve tried a lot of restaurants, I’ve been to a lot of backyard cookouts, and if you give me a choice as to my favorite burger, in my heart of hearts I’m picking a big mac. I might tell you the restaurant burger just to not look like an uneducated slob, but it’s really the McD’s I want.
If the burger is cooked to perfection the way I like, then the only importance of thickness is whether it fits in my mouth or not. Thus, the sizes that Shakes and Sepiachoice pointed out are the best… because that’s the best fit. I can’t wrap my mouth around a a burger that’s nearly as thick as it is wide.
(That said, I’ve never seen a real-life Burger King burger the size of the “perfect” one Shakes used as an illustration)
The only spices you need for a burger are a healthy shake of salt and maybe some black pepper. Lots of people forget to salt their meat (or don’t salt enough), which makes for a bland burger. Plain ol’ 80-20 ground chuck works fine, but if you want to really amp up the beefiness, try ground short ribs (you’ll probably have to grind this yourself or make a special request to the butcher, as I’ve never seen this pre-ground). Ground round and ground sirloin both tend to be really bland, in my experience.
Something I do with burger meat to up the flavor is a little bit of a cheat, but the people I’m serving the burgers to don’t need to know… I swing by a BBQ place and get the burnt and fatty bits from a brisket (ask specifically and they usually have some), chop it up fine, and add it to the ground beef before it goes on the grill. It adds a very nice smokiness and beefiness to the taste of the burger. Very tasty!
I’ve done the same with cooked bacon.
I go both ways here. I love thin and crispy Steak & Shake style burgers. Culver’s, Sonic, and cheap diners all over make some delicious burgers that way. If it’s not enough meat for you, stack a few of them together. Also, they’re quick and easy to cook at home.
But every now and again, I get the urge for a thick, juicy burger with really good meat. There’s a couple of places that make them well, but not many chains (Red Robin, you suck). But like steak, the best thick burgers are made at home. I tend to fry the thin burgers and grill the thick ones.
But no giant meatball burgers please!