Happy Birthday, Groucho Marx!

Cafe Society
1

Given all the Dopers named after him, I’m surprised nobody did this for me.

114 years ago today, in Yorktown, New York, Julius Henry Marx was born. Working himself up from nothing into a state of extreme poverty with wisecracks and a minimum amount of singing talent, he managed to overcome the burdens of family and the Vaudeville life to become a famous, rich, maybe even successful comedian. Thanks to the Stock Market Crash of '29 [and there’s something I’ll bet Groucho never said], the Marxes went west to Hollywood, where their act was forever captured in some of the funniest pictures this country ever produced. And a few movies as well, I’m told. Later, he set sail for Africa and got some terrific picture of the native girls- but planned to go back because they weren’t developed. Their plane almost landed – maybe three feet – when guess what happens – they run out of gas and had to start over. :wink:

I could go on, but you’ll enjoy it a lot more if you just watch one of their movies instead. I’ll probably save my cigar and greasepaint for Halloween, but here’s to you, Groucho- a personal hero for me for whatever that’s worth, an American icon, and one of the greatest comedians of any age.

Let’s remember him with some quotes, shall we?

"I got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. " (from Duck Soup)

2

A Day at the Races:

Dr. Groucho: Hey, don’t drink that poison, it’s $4 an ounce.

Woman: I’ve never been so insulted in all my life.
Groucho: Well it’s early yet.

Dr. Groucho: Why doesn’t a dame like that ever get sick?

Dr. Groucho: Emily, I have a confession to make. I really am a horse doctor. But marry me and I swear I’ll never look at another horse.

At the Circus:

Groucho to Chico: Does anybody around here look suspicious besides you?

Groucho: We’ve got to think.
Chico: Ahh, we already tried that.

Woman: You monster, you are responsible for this disgrace.
Groucho: That’s gratitude for ya.

Go West:

Groucho: Let’s see, that’s 20 plus 1, that’s 21.
Chico: We meet you half way, we give you 1.

Man: I’ve never heard of your company.
Groucho: Obviously you haven’t read the bankruptcy notices.

Groucho: Lulu Belle, it’s you. I didn’t recognize you standing up.

Groucho: If you can get your father’s consent, we will get married, if I can get my wife’s consent.

Groucho: I give you my solemn word as an embezzler, I’ll be back in two minutes.

Man to Groucho and Chico: I don’t like your faces.
Groucho: I suppose you think we like them?

Chico to Woman: Of course you don’t recognize me, you don’t know me.
Groucho to Woman: The people that know him don’t recognize him either.

The Big Store:

Manager: The store is busy and a woman faints, what do you do?
Groucho: How old is she?

3

Nice work- those movies haven’t been quoted to death, either. Maybe I’ll watch one of those, since I have the DVDs and haven’t gotten around to them yet.

4

An oft used sig:

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend.
Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

5

Yorktown? Did Cornwallis surrender to Groucho in an outtake from the battle scenes in Duck Soup?

Julius Henry Marx was born in the brownstone at 239 East 114th St. in the section of Manhattan known as Yorkville on October 2, 1890.

Amateurs. :rolleyes:

6

“Go – and never darken my towels again!”

7

You’re only as old as the women you feel.

8

You have to look closely for that bit, it wound up on the editing room floor.

This is what I get for not flipping through Groucho and Me before I post. I forget there’s no A for Effort around here. :wink:

9

“I knew a hooker that commuted from Minniapolis to St. Paul.
She was known as the tail of two cities.”

Groucho at Carnegie Hall.

10

Either I’m dead or my watch has stopped.

11

Fat lady: I didn’t come here to be insulted.
Groucho: Oh? Where do you usually go?

12

Sorry, just remembered another.

Bystander (or some such): What do you think you’re doing?
Groucho: I’m defending this woman’s honor…which is more than she ever did.

13

Flywheel: Just for that, Ravelli, you get no present from me.
Ravelli: You got a present for me, boss? At’sa fine. What is it?
Flywheel: I can’t tell you, ravelli. It’s a secret.
Ravelli: Ah, I no smoka segrets. I smoka cigars.
Flywheel: One more crack like that and you’ll get cigars. Scars all over your body.
–Groucho and Chico, Flywheel, Shyster, & Flywheel radio show, Episode 5

14

I watched a Marx Bros. film marathon a few years ago and I thought I better write down some of these Groucho-isms, they might come in handy some day. :slight_smile:

15

" we must defend this lady’s honour , which is more than she as ever done "

" I never forget a face , but in your case I shall make an exception "

" there is no such thing as sanity clause "

16

To woman: “Come, let us lodge with my fleas in the hills - I mean, flee to my lodge in the hills!”

17

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Whatever it is, I’m against it.

18

Dr. Hackenbush : If I hold you any closer, I’ll be in back of you

19

. . . Not that Groucho wasn’t funny (onscreen–offscreen, he was a real SOB), but how many of those lines were actually written by him, and how many by the “schmucks with Underwoods?”

20

Save-a dat one for Chico’s boithday next week. :cool: