Aaaah yes, October 31st, where we gather our youngins’ and teach them the value of stealing an identity for material reward. One could be excused for thinking this was a simple rite-of-passage for children in the United States. But does anyone ever give a thought to the victims of this day? To wit: how many ghosts, pirates, fairies, Horsey-Face Miley Cyrus-es, skeletons, princesses or other pop-culture icons have had their identity stolen so some little 3rd grade slobber-spigot can get a hunk of sugar?
Oh but wait, there’s more! What about those of us that want a simple weeknight to relax and get away from the stresses of work, only to be assailed by the constant demand of poorly-dressed street urchins pounding on the door for snacks. And those little bastards, being set up for a life of hypertension or diabetes with positive reinforcement towards a poor diet. And they’re even being taught laziness by adults!! I’m sorry Mr. Downtown Bank Teller: putting on a t-shirt with a smiley face does not constitute an “Emoji costume.” Spend a dollar and buy a mask. Today is a poor reason to reinforce poor behavior for poor gain. Better yet, here’s a paper bag–go as the ‘Unknown Comic’–and look it up if you have to; you may get ‘retro points’ for my idea. You’re welcome.
The only redeeming value of today, is that it celebrates the generosity of a mystic, ancient race of Pirates, who sailed the seven seas, distributing candy to children all over the world. May we all be touched by the Noodly Appendage that guided them, may we learn to give more parmesan than we take away.
Seriously kid, you want some candy? Go build me a galleon.
Tripler
Please, won’t you think of the plight of the sexy nurses?
It’s extortion, pure and simple, and we’re sending these kids down the path to a life of crime by condoning it. “Trick or treat”? What’s next, “Give me that Mustang GT or I’ll burn down your dealership”? My preferred response is “Give me your bag of candy or you’ll never see your parents again.” Yeah, they cry a lot, but the rewards are worth it.
Since masks, along with hoodies, hats, & glasses aren’t allowed in the bank, you would have been required to call the FBI…before he handled your transaction.