Merry Bitchmas, Happy Waaaahmadan, Dreadful Dreideling, and a Jolly Fucking Festivus to You: A Rant for All Seasons. If we’re gonna be all inclusive and stuff.
Also, it was our first Halloween in the neighborhood, so we didn’t know what to expect. The girls and I stopped at one neighbor’s house, just to let her know she’d left her truck door open, and chatted for a good while. Went across to the next neighbors, who were the only ones in the neighborhood with decorations up on the porch: They actually turned off the front porch light when my daughter knocked. Okay, so they forgot candy, forgot to leave off the lights. Stopped at a third neighbor’s house, and got caught in the whole “let’s chat with the elderly” thing for another 20 minutes. (At least she had candy!) Finally said “screw it.” Went home. Not one little ghost or goblin at our house, so we have plenty of treats left for all of us kids. Crap, too many goodies. Must. Not. Eat. Snickers.
No one has ever attacked us.
No one has ever attacked you.
Because you are half poodle and groomed you do not look one bit scary. You look every bit the sissy dog that you are.
We don’t need a guard dog. We need a pet.
You are not a guard dog. You are a pet.
A three year old in a bunny costume is no danger to you.
So for the love of Mike PLEEEZE quit the fucking growling.
The fact that you piddled on the floor in submission when the “Killer Bunny” tried to pet you doesn’t help your cause either.
I apologize for my US-centric “Thanksbitching” title. I only now too late realize how selfish I have been. I realize that many of you up north in the great land of Canadia have already had your Thanksbitching in October, and my sorry American ass couldn’t be more apologetic for being so ethnocentric…
I also had a pang of hesitation when I used the title Thanksbitching in creating this month’s mini-rants thread (though I know it’s not that unique and I may have heard it before in my life, I hadn’t read it here before so I’m sorry if I ‘stole’ it from you guys), because the season of Thanksgiving is antithetical to bitching. But hey, we’re gonna bitch anyway so we might as well be thankful about it!
To the guy who thinks it’s ok to ignore my text and internet messages for a couple weeks, and then just suddenly appear and say hello again as if nothing happened, fuck you. Be a decent human being and take the 2 seconds to tell me that you’re out of town, or unable to respond, or whatever, please. Thank you!
I’ll be lying on the couch watching TV about to pass out from exhaustion, so I go upstairs to bed. I get into bed where I am suddenly wide awake for about thirty minutes. Stupid body.
To quote MST3K, I want to start hitting Papandreou and I may never stop.
There were parents who made “hayrides” from utility trailers to haul the little beggars from neighborhood to neighborhood, and cars parked so thickly on both sides of the streets here it was difficult to get in and out of my driveway. There are maybe 10 kids in my neighborhood; I think I handed out candy to 300. It’s not the kids fault, but damn…
By the way, if your tits are bigger than mine or if you have more facial hair than a cat, you are probably too old to be trick or treating. Just sayin’…
Hobby Lobby moved to the other side of town, in a very high traffic area. I hate driving up there, but they are the only craft store that has really good sales. Since I’m doing at least 10 hockey scrapbooks this season, I need really good sales…
It occurred to me on my long walk that an outsider to the US (like me) could say something very similar about the US. From the outside looking in, it looks like you guys are so busy arguing over whether the deck chairs should be red or blue that you’ve lost sight of the multiple icebergs you’re running into.
Happy Thanksbitching and Merry Bitchmas are 100% true genius, ethnocentricity aside.
Well those jerks finally finished the completely useless $980,000 roundabout to the highway on-ramp by my office. It took them three months and they didn’t even fill in the now-useless left hand turning lane. Sheesus Bitch on a figgin’ pogo stick! I had to suffer a three month long detour for this piece of lameness?
Oh and the other bit of “detouring fun” construction now won’t be finished until “around the 18th” which is three weeks late. I wish I could get away with being three weeks late with anything. PennDoT may you all spend an eternity in hell without airconditioning but with constant Barry Manilow/Neil Sedaka elevator music accompanied by strobe lights and a demon beset with chronic flatulence. Grrr.
City of Dallas, for the love of all that’s holy, would you please hurry up on this water main project that’s been tearing up all our neighborhood streets? You left all that equipment sitting around - in dry, lovely, perfect construction weather - for over a friggin’ month. Get moving already.
But why is it if someone walks around the office, or sits at their desk and WHISTLES all goddamn day, I’m the one who’d get fired if I punched them in their stupid head?
Something slammed into the top of my '09 Jeep on the way home from work. I now have an impressively spiky, dime-sized gouge in the paint on the top (a few inches over and whatever it was would have hit the sunroof). There isn’t a dent, but the paint is a mess, and it feels like the metal is scraped. I don’t have a clue what caused it. :mad:
I wanna beat Rizzo with a tree branch. Bastard steals from the taxpayers he is supposed to be looking out for, then sues the city when he gets caught and fired. I hope he dies penniless and incarcerated.
I have a similar new paint scratch and small dent from a pecan that hit the truck the other day. Sounded waaay louder than it should have, and actually left more physical damage than hitting a deer a few months ago. Maybe something similar for you?
