If I could find one, so would I.
Same here. And I also know a lot of single people (including myself) in their 30s so I don’t get why it would be hard to find dates.
My dad has been married 5 times so he’s dated across a few decades :rolleyes: and he said dating in your 40s is when it really changes, and the women tend to be really anxious to get serious really fast. I won’t be like that when I’m in my 40s, but I’m super special.
Are you widowed or divorced?
My sister wanted children but couldn’t have them (although in her case it really wasn’t that big a deal) and children are a dealbreaker when it comes to men for her. It’s not the kids that are the issue; it’s having to deal with the ex and her family, or her family if he’s a widower. That often isn’t an issue with women who have kids, because the biodad is so frequently not in the picture.
Divorced is close enough I guess, we weren’t married. Long story short, she’s a deadbeat who sees her every six months or so. No drama from her or her family.
Other than never having free time to go a-wooing, my daughter doesn’t harm my dating life, but she’s not a chick magnet either (I really gotta have a talk with her about being a better wingman). If I date someone, it’s because she likes me and is ok with a kid, but it’s never “he’s good with that kid, I’m interested.”
I’ve actually thought about it and I don’t get it. I don’t expect her to attract strangers, but I’d think a single mom might be interested in why they always see me drop her off at school and pick her up every single day or why I’m always taking her to events and not her mom. I’ve come to the conclusion that most people think I have a wife at home. I guess they think she works a lot or something, (and that she’s ok with me not wearing my wedding ring?). Several times I’ve had people, after months of attending kids events over and over again and engaging in small talk, ask me “What’s your wife’s name again? Have I ever met her?”
Well, ScrubJay81, I was all ready to date you until you mentioned the donated kidney. I need a women who’s still got a kidney to spare. Never know when I might need an extra kidney.
(the above was in response to to a comment of men in the 30s dating women in their 20s)
Yeah, but it’s really two sides of the same coin.
Women in their 30s “go without” because men in their 30s date women in their 20s . . . but the other reason women in their 30s “go without” is because women in their 20s are dating men in their 30s.
When I was in my 20s, I had the hardest time dating. The criticism was that I wasn’t “stable” or “didn’t have my life together” . . . which was not an inaccurate assessment and I would have said that it was a fair assessment if not for the fact that the criticism was coming from women who, themselves, were not “stable” and did “not have their life together”.
It was a character flaw for me to have limited discretionary income, a crappy apartment, and a car that could die on me at any time, but somehow it was not a character flaw for them to be in the exact same situation. So they dated “stable” guys who were 7 to 10 years older.
They got married, had kids, got divorced and now that we’re in our 30s if I don’t want to date the woman who undervalued me 10 years ago and help to raise the kids she had with another guy then it’s because I “don’t value older women.”
Broad brush, of course.
I knew plenty or great women in my 20s who wanted a relationship that would be a strong and equal partnership. They dated guys their age whose unstable pauperage was equal to their own. They grew together, advanced their careers with one another’s support, and got their lives together . . . together.
Still, the age discrepant relationships are a common enough social phenomenon as to warrant recognition, but if we are to agree that it’s a problem (do we agree? I’m not sure I do) then it is not a problem that can be solved be merely shaming men for dating younger women. Women in their 20s need to be encouraged to find value in the “works in progress” that men in their 20s tend to be.
ah age is but a number, attraction happens at any age. and i would choose brains before anything else as the major turn on.
ScrubJay81, knowing next to nothing about you, I think you’ll do fine.
A guy here, and I was married for 11 years with three kids when the wife suddenly just left. I was mid-30s then. After some time sorting things out and purposely not dating, I started dating through online ads just to get back “in circulation” again - how to date, meet someone new, make pleasant talk and all that. For a woman it might be tougher doing this because I read here that women find crude guys just wanting free and easy sex. Hopefully that’s an exaggeration of overall reality and is not the typical case. I like to think so anyway.
I met the girl who would eventually be wife #2 at work, in a small company (about 35 people in the office building), of all places. She was in her early 30s when we first met. She’s 4 years younger than I. She had never married, and had no kids. We met at her interview, but I wasn’t attracted to her initially. I wasn’t the boss. I was a co-worker.
After I’d known her and worked with her for a couple of years I finally asked her out. I was initially leery of the office romance thing. I fell in love with her over a dinner and movie date one night. We saw Saving Private Ryan, so that’ll tell you how far back that was. Not exactly a romantic movie. After the movie, over dinner, our conversation was very relaxed and casual, so natural. That’s when I started falling in love with her. I can’t remember what we talked about, but it was so relaxed, it was like coming home.
We’ve now been married over 10 years.
When I was going through my divorce I was confident I would meet someone that I wanted to marry, but not in my wildest dreams did I think it would ever work out this well. Wife Version 2.0 is my perfect match. And yes, I thought Version 1.0 was the perfect match but things change, don’t they?
You never know where you’ll find love. Just be open to it, be safe, watch and listen, and you might be pleasantly surprised. I’m now in my early 50s and very happily married.
Good luck, ScrubJay81.
Ain’t that the truth. My son’s mother left when he was two and I raised him myself until he was seven and I met someone. I received plenty of female praise for fighting the custody fight and doing the parenting but that sure didn’t translate into romantic interest.
Of course that had nothing to do with why I chose to get custody and I spent those five years more preoccupied with child-rearing than figuring out how to best leverage him for womanly interest but the idea of a single father being a particularly coveted item didn’t hold up for me.
A little over-broad, I’d say. I was always a little discouraged that it was so hard to find women in their 20s who appreciated the things I valued in myself - like having lots of discretionary income, a great home and a car that could drive for years. It’s not like women only dating you for your personality and looks is a terrible thing, but I worked hard to be stable and responsible and successful and if anything it seemed like a turn off.
But I admit, there’s just something about dating a 23 year old who likes all those things about me that’s more appealing when compared to someone in her 30s who may have just finally figured out stable guys are appealing. That said, If I were single I’d happily date women in their 30s.
I’m a man (or at least I was the last time I checked, lol).
Your story raises rather thorny red flags for a guy in his 30’s. Guys in their 30’s, in my experience, are looking for long term commitment - someone who is in it for the long haul so to speak - someone to raise kids with and grow old with. Guys in their 20’s think more in terms of finding a good lay and think about the future later, and if it she turns out to be nothing more than a good lay, they get divorced. Guys in their 30’s know that marriages take hard work and don’t want to “give up” when the passion dies down a little, because they want the long-term benefits. What you wrote about your devotion to him and your seemingly inexplicable falling-away is greatly alarming and would frighten me off from getting closer, and probably would for a lot of guys. Sorry to say it, but it’s the truth.
When I saw the title of this thread, I thought it was going to be about the difficulties we will face during and after the decade of the 2030s when it will ambiguous if “the thirties” refers to the 2030s or the 1930s.
I think you’ll be fine. Just keep a positive attitude and don’t mention the story of your ex too much. No matter how much you try to explain to someone why things didn’t and couldn’t work out, people are going to just assume (like robert_columbia here) that you are afraid of commitment and/or don’t know what it takes to make a long term relationship work. On the contrary, I think your story shows that you know exactly what it takes and despite all your best efforts and your positive attitude, it just didn’t. You gave the man a fucking kidney for god’s sake.
I’m 35, single, childless and it’s no problem.
The only thing I think that can be a problem is to be in your thirties, childless and unhappy about it. I’m personally fine with never having kids, but I have various friends who are desperate to have kids. Guys somehow smell the desperation and run away. Personally, I think that when you’re single and around my age you should try, if you can, to make peace with the idea of possibly not having children or your dating experience is going to be frustrating rather than fun.
Wouldn’t surprise me at all; single people in the thirties all seem to be suffering from great depression.
A 33 year old woman with no kids is really a prime dating candidate. Old enough to hopefully be settled down a little, but not too old to do most any activity.
Global warming is expected to kill off the planet’s date palms by 2029.
If you do want kids, however, don’t despair. One nice thing about dating in your 30s is that there is a lot less guesswork and a better understanding of expectations. You cab generally figure out petty quickly I’d you and a partner have similar expectations about family, and if you do, you can often move pretty quickly and cut out a lot of the “dating for years and dancing around commitment” game.
I think its all personal. Trends don’t really matter when it comes right down to it. Just get out there and find someone you like, or just be active and social in general and they’ll find you. Trends mean little. Just do what you want and try to have fun with it. It’s only life. What else can you do?
I’d… uhh… prefer to avoid a warning. I’ll not touch that straight-line.
The obvious joke is left to your imagination.
It’s slightly harder for women but tons of people still find someone in their 30s. Or 40s, 50’s or 60’s also. It is easier if you are ok with dating older guys, i guess as long as you don’t mind making it worse for older women.