I hear all the time about (usually) men who do this, but can’t think of anyone I know personally who did. Where do they all go, anyway? I’m sure a lot of them end up in prison, but they have to go somewhere, and end up in future relationships.
So, has anyone ever found this out about a SO, and what was your reaction?
BTW, I asked this question on a couple of other boards, and got exactly one response. Most of the replies were things like “My husband’s ex wouldn’t let him see the kids, and there’s no good reason for it, either.”
Nope, my SO would never do that. However, if I were ever with someone and they did that, I’d dump her in a heartbeat, unless there was a very good reason for it.
This has never happened to me. Probably never will, I’m probably going to be with my current boyfriend forever. But I’ve said that before, so who knows?
To expound, this is one of those traits that, for me, would be a dealbreaker on paper. But once I already know (and potentially love) the partner in question, well… it depends on the circumstances. I could see forgiving it if he was young, broke, and stupid at the time–as long as he had wised up in the meantime.
Not really, though I very briefly dated (as in, about two dates) someone who seemed a little over-eager for his daughter’s 18th birthday so he’d be off the hook for child support. Since we hadn’t known each other that long, I was giving him space to show me that what he meant wasn’t as bad as it sounded (or else enough rope to hang himself). Because he also said he was fairly involved in her life and they had a good relationship – they willingly spent time together, he carried her photo in his wallet – so surely he wasn’t just going to cut and run right before she went to college, right?
I never did find out, because he bailed when it finally dawned on him that I actually meant it when I said I was looking for something serious and wasn’t going to waste time on a casual relationship. (Not sure why taking those words at face value is so difficult, but he wasn’t the only one with that problem.) I honestly don’t know what was going on with him in that sense – he’d also misled me about having a daughter in the first place, and then sprang it on me at the end of the first date, so I’m not sure if he was ashamed of having her or what.
Anyway, wholesale abandonment of his daughter – even if “only” in the financial sense – once he was no longer legally bound would have been a dealbreaker. The other various manipulations of the truth weren’t really adding up in his favor, either.
I don’t know about his situation, but my dad couldn’t wait to stop paying child support because my mom spent it all on herself while buying my sister and me crappy secondhand clothes and cheap processed food.
I had a friend in high school whose mom was always hauling her dad into court for support nonpayment, and while I’m not defending what he did (among other things, he WAS breaking the law), she wasn’t using the money for child support. This was where she got her Bingo money. :mad: :smack:
And it’s not like her dad didn’t support her, either. He bought clothes for her, paid for school activities, paid the deductible when she got really sick and had to go into the hospital (and no, he wasn’t obligated to do this, either; this was ca. 1980 before that kind of thing was common) but no, none of it counted because It Wasn’t The Child Support.
I’ve also never seen a post on a board from someone who admitted doing this. I wouldn’t classify placing a child for adoption under this category either, unless the person didn’t tell you about it, or they consented to a step-parent adoption to get out of child support.
My idiot brother-in-law abandoned his eldest child, it’s just one of the many reasons most of the family thinks he’s scum.
He and my sister met online, she’s in the US and he’s from the UK and moved here to be with her. He insisted men in the UK have zero rights to their children and the Evil Ex wouldn’t let him see his daughter. All he had was a picture of the kid as a toddler, apparently Evil Ex was okay with letting the paternal grandparents see the kid and they took the pic. It’s been twelve years since he’s been here, twelve years of no contact or support whatsoever.
nearwildheaven, don’t repeat threads you’ve already started. If you have more to add to the topic, go back to the old thread. It was just a few weeks ago.