I will try to keep it as organized as possible.
My SO had a child that was born after we started dating.
His daughter’s mother is mentally unstable. They had dated in high school, it didn’t work out because he is black and she is white and her mother didn’t allow it. They both moved on but then they hooked up again right before he met me and she got pregnant.
Several months after his daughter was born she took him to court for child support, he insisted on a paternity test and yes the child is his.
Then she moved to another county and filed for child support there, he starts paying to County B. The next thing he knows he has a warrant out for him in County A for non-payment of child support.
He’s told he has to pay in both counties until the mess gets cleared up. In the meantime she is losing it. She has tried to commit suicide, is stalking him, he has caught her in his house, trying to break into his garage. He wouldn’t let me come over his house and was (I found out later) trying to hide me so she didn’t get any information on me.
Very trying time, I damn near broke up with him because I thought he was trying to see both of us at the same time. It was only after I heard some of her voice mails and read her text messages that I realized she really is off balance. Even her friends were sending him text messages asking for his help with the baby because she was so whacked out she was not taking care of her.
Somewhere in her mind she thought by having his baby the two of them would always be together, and continue the relationship they should have had from high school.
After a while everything settled down, she’s living with another man. My SO is doing whatever he can to keep the peace even though it means he’s not seeing his daughter.
Then right around the child’s first birthday she snaps again. Doesn’t matter that she’s living with another man, she is determined that she is going to have my SO back and they will be a family.
He refused to talk to her, to answer her calls, he’d been doing his best to fly under her radar and stay away from her.
So she filed false charges against him. She said he was calling her up and harassing her, threatened to kill her, etc. I heard the voice mails she was leaving him, I saw the text messages she was sending him, and you could look right on the phone bill and see who was calling whom.
In one message her exact words were, “I really need to talk to you, I’m sorry I filed all those false charges against you but you won’t talk to me and it’s the only way I can get your attention”. The next message she was crying and telling him she loved him and just wants him back. The next one she hates him.
She also told him that if she couldn’t have him nobody could and if that meant putting him in jail that is what she was going to do.
There were also threats from some of her family and friends. Just as an aside they kept referring to him as ‘Oak Boy’ and I asked him what the hell ‘Oak Boy’ meant. He said it was because of the bi-racial baby and a reference to ‘a n* in the woodpile’. I said you’d think they’d have gone with mahogany then.
So he goes to court for the ongoing child support bullshit and he gets locked up. I hate to make it a racist thing but I think a lot of it had to do with him being black and her being white.
All I knew was that he had court and I haven’t heard from him. After 2 days I called his friend who told me SO had been arrested and nobody knew for sure what was going on. My SO couldn’t call me because he was still in the transition area.
I knew the charges were false, I heard her message as well as I know him. We’ve had some pretty heated arguments and he doesn’t call names, he doesn’t threaten and if it’s bad enough he just walks away and refuses to argue.
He had his first bail hearing and the judge denied it.
So now he’s in the system.
He was furious and I’m sure scared as well. I was upset, going back and forth between crying and anger. Nobody was sure what was going on. His aunt hired a lawyer for him, I think it was $5000 just to start
He had just started a new job, a really good one and his boss said he would hold it for him, but when his bail was denied and he was in for over a week his boss had to let him go. Now he has no job and his bills aren’t being paid.
He was finally able to start making phone calls. You have 80 men trying to use 4 phones, I never knew when he would call. At first he was nasty to me and would start fights and then hang up and of course I couldn’t call him back. That just added to my stress until his friend sat me down and said look this is how it is. It’s no fun where he is, he’s mad, he’s scared, you have someone telling you when to eat and when to sleep, you can’t even take a shit without somebody knowing about it. The food sucks, the cots are uncomfortable. You don’t know who you can or can’t trust, everybody talks about how your woman is out there fucking some other man, probably your best friend is comforting her now, and there is not one goddamn thing you can do about any it.
For a man like him who is very independent, and private and a bit of a control freak it’s not easy.
After that if he tried to start a fight I’d let him rant himself out and try to keep it civil.
Eventually he did get bail and he did get out, after over a month in there. He went back to work for an old boss but by then he’s so far behind in rent, and utilities and child support as well as legal fees he felt like he’d never catch up.
When he went to court she didn’t show up. She said he threatened her that there would be men stationed around the courthouse waiting to kill her if she showed up. His aunt and nephew were brought in as well because she said they called her up harassing her and threatening her as well. She even said my SO called her from jail and threatened her. I think that is when the court started to realize she was crazy. All in all he had 52 charges against him, all of them were dropped and he said they put come kind of flag in his record that if she were to ever file a complaint against him again she is the one they will investigate.
He said had she ever been able to find out my last name and track me down I would have been dragged in as well.
It’s funny though, the one person who did threaten her is the mother of his son. The son’s mother flat out told her she’d better never mess with SO again because that affects her son and she won’t put up with it. Crazy as she is, even she isn’t stupid enough to mess with the son’s mother.
I wish he could sue her, but he can’t and it wouldn’t do any good anyway. It really pisses me off that he went to jail for some bullshit and lost so much over her.
He doesn’t hate her, he doesn’t even seem to be angry anymore, he just does his best to pacify her and keep his distance. He gets his daughter on a regular basis now so that makes him happy.
For all his faults (and boy does he have them) he does love and enjoy his kids.
I know she is on probation now for falsifying documents. I don’t know the whole story behind that, and what all documents are included in that. All except for a small percentage (<10%) of his back child support was forgiven, and now he isn’t paying any at all. She’s filed twice to get child support and both times it’s been kicked out. That part I don’t understand and I know even if I ask he won’t tell me everything.
She doesn’t stop though, just a few months ago he told me that she said I was calling her and harassing her. WTF? I don’t even know or want to know her number. Why the hell would I poke a stick in a hornet’s nest?
I wouldn’t even call her if she asked me to because I don’t want there to be even one record on my phone bill that I called her.
I know she truly is mentally ill and I should feel sorry for her, but I don’t. I feel sorry for his daughter and I feel sorry for her other children. I think she never should be allowed to be alone with kids.
But anyway, that is the whole story I guess.
She was back in the hospital not too long ago, again.
