F*ck You & Your New Girlfriend

The BBQ Pit
1

5 weeks before im due to deliver our first son,
i get a calm after dinner slap upside the head with my live in boyfriend of 2 yrs.

yes, im whining, yes im bitching, but i’ve passed the sad, poor me, why why why bullshit and have lunged into sheer hatred for how pathetic this human being behaves.

“i’ve been thinking about this for almost a week, and i didn’t want to mention it in case i changed my mind… but I think we can live together the way we have been, getting along wonderfully, having fun, and still raise the kids (we have a 3.5 yr old as well) while i go out and have a seperate life” and went on as if nothing had ever happened - yesterday he loved me and was excited, singing about the baby, talking about buying a house - then poof - its all gone… where the fuck did it go??? cause i didnt see it run past me!

oh really? Wow, and you gave it a whole weeks consideration!

ok - i’ve tried, lost 11 lbs stressing myself to death after finding out it was all because of a girl he met 3 weeks prior @ his new job at National Spies Anonymous. Collapsed then went into labor 3 times @ the hospital, and stuffed thru a psyhiatric evaluation due to my inability to stop crying like a dumb bitch. But ive volunteered for counseling, wee, and the emotional psychosis has simmered down and gone into a cave. For now.

He leaves for all night outings with her, and doses himself in cologne that i bought him prior to leaving (which i have since found and thrown away) then lets our 3.5 yr old answer the phone when she calls, so he can tell her who it is. Has gone $400 in the hole writing bad checks for cash to take her out, leaving the rent unpaid. Rubbing it all in my face. I dont bitch i dont nag, i ask that he just keep it out of my face, to have the phonecalls when hes not home, to leave after our daughter goes to bed.

He’s begun to treat our daughter like she is some by product of me that he needs no part in, and seems to think im simply the carrier pod for his baby. I have the option to move out of state to have the baby (to a place that makes me physically ill to be in), but this would deprive him of his chance to “be a good father to his son” even though he’s incapable of being human to myself and our daughter, other than asking that i stay living here while he pays rent in exchange for child support. Am i supposed to keep considering his needs and wants??? Everyone says not to, but good god! Id hate to be the bitch who took the mans baby away before he could meet him, but it’s either live in hell or move and live in hell without the additional hell he provides :slight_smile:

I spent all day moving all his furniture into his new room, and mine into my new room, after i lived on the couch for 3 weeks, (I just wanted my own damn space to hide in, so he gave me his room and took the babys old room) while he took a nap and then woke up to watch me do it, while he played his Xbox.

Do many men go absolutely crazy with stress & blow everything they have to hell, when they have everything going for them?

Hell, who cares, hopefully the girl is worth the trade he made.
Well, apparently she is - and im sure she’ll be more worth it when he sees his sons csection birth and realizes he’s just butt outta luck in terms of ever having that childs respect as a man.

Thanks & Sorry - just wanted to gripe for once.

Call me names, i dont care - whore, bitter, stupid, etc.
ive heard it all already because i allowed myself to cry once in front of him, over a situation that shouldn’t be any big deal -
I just felt like venting. :slight_smile:

2

Wow, I’m so sorry this is all happening to you. He sounds like a real dick.

Best wishes for the future,
Lauren

3

Hey maybe i should grow some balls and tell him that myself, lol.

Nah, im guesing he has a valid reason somewhere - afterall, his best friend did the exact thing to his ex wife before their son was born, then divorced her for the girlfriend. Must just be a trend among Military Intelligence men?

Hhaha.

But thanks for the well wishes!!!

4

Look, you think you’re doing the children a favor by letting them see their dad treating their mom like crap? Is this the example you want to set for your children, that it’s okay for a man to act like that to a woman?

I don’t know you, or your childrens’ sperm donor, personally, but I don’t think they’re gaining anything by living with their daddy when it’s making your life miserable.

Move out and get that miserable loser to pay child support. It will not be easy, I promise you, but it will be better than this.

Also, as much as I dislike Ann Landers’ crusty mottos, this one is still true: Nobody can take advantage of you without your permission.

5

Hey Dragon,

Thanks for saying that - it’s how i feel, but keep hearing “you’d be a horrible mother to not sacrifice your happiness to allow those children to know him” and i think it’s just gotten to me, and made me feel like he really may have done nothing wrong.

I think i did what i could by continuing to live here to see how i could deal with it, so i wouldnt be the mean baby stealing bitch, but moving on and in a far away place is probably, no definately the very best thing to do.

Being a martyr in the best interest of him, is probably the worst kind to be. So thanks, i appreciate hearing that. I’ll keep reading it over and over and let it be my motivation for putting myself and my children ahead of his wants and needs for once.

smooch

6

If he’s going to be such an asshole, you have every right to be a bitch.

7

to your venting, which will make it all the more enjoyable to hear how you have overcome this and are doing so well in a different situation, and be especially detailed on how fucked up his life is.

8

YOu need to kick his ass out. And you’re not helping your children by letting them know him-he’s a jerk. He doesn’t DESERVE to be a father, and your kids deserve better.

Good luck!

9

Please. Write this down on a piece of paper, fold it up, and put it in your pocket. Take it out at least once an hour and read it. Every time you feel angry at him, read it. Every time your baby moves, read it. Every time you hug your three-year-old, read it. You have just given yourself better advice than any of us could.

I’ve been the martyr before, and it was a hard habit to break. But it was worth breaking.

10

Oh, by the way… Starbucks is officially classified as gay now, because thats where they have their sunday morning dates on the patio while her son is @ baseball.

snort

11

Leave, leave, leave!

If he cared about the kids at all he woudn’t be doing this crap and acting like Assclown Supreme.

Get. Out.

That is not a healthy enviroment for you or either of your children. The daughter may just be 3 but they see and they remember.

Let me repeat myself.

Get. OUT.

12

Hahah - you are my new hero.
“Assclown”

I’m going to write all these down, or maybe print the posts, and hang them tactically around the apartment. LoL.

Good thing for me to do while hes spending the night with her huh? hahaha. Will make for a very pleasant homecoming i think!

13

Talk to a lawyer, too. NOW. To make sure he can’t get out of paying child support. If he’s military, he has ZERO option if there’s court-ordered child support. If he wants to stay military, that is.

And kick his ass out.

14

Haha yeah he’s military.

We filed common law marriage on last yrs taxes but apparently that doesnt mean anything to the Army. So he hasnt paid any medical bills and thinks im silly if i expected him to. I guess it’s ok to be a government employee and still expect that state welfare pay for the pregnancy of a military dependant. :wink:

Cant kick him out, its his apartment, or so he said last night.
I refuse to be on the lease because he took his last girlfriend to court and sued her for the rest of the lease term because she dumped him. (And she never paid rent anyway)

But I can leave!!! :slight_smile: Not as easily, but I definately can.

15

Would it be wrong to post this girls phone numbers all over the internet? God only knows what kind of person she is anyway, to be an active part of all this. So i might try that - heh

:stuck_out_tongue:

16

What state are you in? Common law marriage is recognized in some states and not in others. You really, really need a lawyer to help you with this. I’d suggest going to the Army to talk to someone in the JAG office first about a military guy who’s trying to not support his children by kicking them out. That will get you some attention. :slight_smile:

17

Leave.

Leave now.

Leave fast.

Go see a lawyer, and get paperwork drawn up for a common-law divorce (if necessary) and child support. Inform his superior officer of just what is going on (keep the details dry and basic). Find someone you can stay with until you are on your feet again.

But just GET out.

You will regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t.

18

No, don’t do that girlb0x—for one thing, I doubt (hell, I know) that the mods here would promptly delete the girl’s number and very likely get very annoyed with you. And I think a whole lot of other message boards would feel the same way. So don’t do that.

All our good thoughts and prayers are with you. Seriously. Do whatever you have to do to take care of yourself and your kids. This man is hopeless, at least for the time being. It would be impossible for him to be a “good father” when all he’ll do is be a bad example of a man who callously abandons his children and his pregnant girlfriend.

The hell with him. Take care of yourself and your children. And once again, our good thoughts and prayers are with you.

19

Who knows what lies he told her. As to taking the man’s child away, that is a consideration if he decides to act like a father. This Idea that you should have to cover all of the medical expenses and live in hell is bullshit. If he wants to claim fatherhood and visitation rights then he has responsibilities. Among those are child support and assistance with the medical bills.

I know when i worked for the post office there were family support services. I have to assume that there is such a thing in the military. Talk to a lawyer.

You really do need to get out now. Putting you in an impossible possition then making it your fault is classic abuse, and it isn’t very far from there to slaps and slugs. The fact he is starting to treat your three year old badly should be a wakeup call. It will be hard, but to be a parent you need to like yourself.

20

What Mama Tiger said. Married or no, if the kids are his you can get child support and the military will make him pay it.

My father was in the military and tried not paying his child support after the divorce and Mom contacted his commanding officer and from then on, we got a check issued from the military every month. No, sir. He cannot get out of that.